Did I do wrong on skeeping the "fading" stage?

by flag 18 Replies latest jw experiences

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  flag

  Up to last month I was a witness in "good" standing in the cong. I was not from the elite circle but everybody respects me and a lot of people go to me for advice or comfort when they feel left out by "holy ones". So, I don't know if I made a mistake by cutting all JW activities at once because now I think I'm the topic of the conversation and phone calls already started to come this past weekend.

  A good friend of mine to whom I confided about my reasons for not attending did a pretty good job on holding them for about 3 weeks she just told the that I needed my space and that it was only a temporal decision.

  So, now I don't know exactly how am I going to handle this and what the consecuenses going to be.

  (excuse my grammar/ english is my second language)
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  IP_SEC

  Not at all, I think the quicker you cut off the gangrene the faster you can heal.

  Skipping the fading stage is the best in my opinion.
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  rebel8

  Gossip is inevitable no matter how you fade. I think you did the right thing. In fact, I recommend continuing to say, "It's only temporary," for a long time, until they forget about you.
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  greendawn

  At least you are not contributing anything to them now, being alreday inactive, and that's the really important thing. As others commented the quicker you move out of that morbid environment the bettter it is.
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  jwfacts

  You did well. I faded over several years, did not work very well. It just meant the gossip went on for several years. When I set up a salad bar everyone was convinced i was skipping meetings because I was materialistic and working too hard.
  The elders kept on my back for all those years and eventually disfellowshiped me anyway. That was when the gossip went from thinking i was a workaholic to being an apostate.
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  flag

  That friend of mine in whom I confided, she seems to understand me but at the end of our conversations she always throw the frase "you are smart and I know you will comeback"

  How can I answer to her without hurting her feelings she is the only one who I really care about, she is like my second mother.
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  rebel8

  You really don't need to answer. Just nod or shrug your shoulders. She will know you are listening and probably that's all she wants.
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  johnny cip

  let your friend know , that one day she will come to realize how smart your were in your decision. keep a shovel near the door for when the elders come by. tell them since the bible says they are already dead in christ. they might as well dig thier own grave. offer them that shovel and close the door. john
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  flag

  Thank you all!

  You have good sense of humor Johnny
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  THE SHOOTIST

  I want to compliment you on cutting the cord so quickly. I don't think there is any truly graceful way to leave the religion unless you just move away from the area, leaving them no way to find you. I think you're in for a difficult few months, but your strength will get you through. I saw that you care very much for the friend you mentioned that had been temporarily covering for you. Depending upon how devoted a witness she is will be crucial in her continued relationship with you. A dear friend of mine came to our city for the district convention with his wife and children. I was serving as P.O. at the time and he cautiously took me to the side and told me there were things I needed to know. He never mentioned them directly but said the organization was not what I thought it was and when I truly found out what it was all about I would get mad. He told me enough to let me know that he felt we had been betrayed. I never ratted him out and today I'm the one disfellowshipped while he still hangs around in the shadows with his family who are still witnesses. He doesn't go to the meetings any more and neither does his wife and children, but he has kept his position very low-key. Even though his brothers and father who are elders consider him apostate, they leave him alone. I, however was like the proverbial bull in the china shop, and blew my stack over the information he sent me. I have left this religion with my wife and children at my side. In the process I lost life-long friends as well as my father, mother, and sister. I wouldn't go back or change a thing. The point I'm trying to make is the procedure you choose from here on out may well determine the severity of the consequences. Best wishes on your difficult but enlightening journey.