by Calliope 18 Replies latest jw experiences
pain sucks. and it can keep you down. you think things are over and you can't keep from looking back. you feel sorry for yourself.
guess its happened to most of us. it certainly has happened to me. last year it happened to me a couple of times. i used it as an opportunity to add new things to my life. pottery for one. new friends, new groups.
new stuff added i believe is the only way to push old stuff out of the way so that you can go on.
much love and hugs
joel
I'm very sorry for the pain you are going through... really... truly... been there. But...
I didn't think it would work out. and in the stupid shrouded needy manipulative way that is akin to the female species, i told him so... hoping he would read between the g'damn lines and say he'd try harder.
Yeah, guys aren't so good at reading between the lines. Men need for a woman to say what she means, directly. Most women never learn this.
But, you say you didn't think it would work out? If you tell a man that, he is likely to take you at your word.
Perhaps you should admit to him that you were being manipulative and you didn't mean it and you're sorry and you love him and want him back? Just a suggestion...
(((((((((((Calliope)))))))))
I'm truly sorry to hear about this. What I'm understanding from your post is that you have just discovered that your husband has been/is being unfaithful to you. That is incredibly high on the pain scale--either the top, or tying for the top. My deepest sympathies to you.
In my view, there are no excuses or justifications for his behavior, even should you recognize that some of your personal actions and words have been far from adequate or helpful. Nothing warranted infidelity. If he were determined to have another relationship, he should have had the integrity to properly end the marriage first, than deceive you.
I really do hope that he will recognize his grave shortfall here. And I give you a big hug (((Calliope))) because, again, you never deserved what he did.
bebu
I totally agree with bebu.
You should have been able to say the things you did to him and have it discussed. He went to an unforgiveable extreme in my opinion. Men are able to read between the lines if someone says, "I don't think this will work." Holy shit! If you had to be THAT careful with what words came out of your mouth, what kind of a relationship is THAT??
If a guy doesn't have the ability to see that as a way of opening up a discussion, then what happened, would have eventually happened, the sooner the better.
It is human nature to use language in a variety of ways, not just EXPLICIT statements! The way you said it is obviously a nervous, careful treading way of saying, face saving way of saying, "I am scared shitless that this WON'T work."
Sounds like you may be better off without him in the long run and that this is going to open up some tender areas of dependancy, self growth, maturity, self confidence issues within yourself. You go girl.
Jez
It is human nature to use language in a variety of ways, not just EXPLICIT statements!
More in the nature of a woman than a man though. Many, many men get very tired of having to constantly guess what a woman means when she says this or that. We're rarely correct when we do guess.
The way you said it is obviously a nervous, careful treading way of saying, face saving way of saying, "I am scared shitless that this WON'T work."
Just because it's obvious to you in this context does not mean that it is obvious to everyone. You don't know the exact context in which it was relayed to the guy. If a person is "scared shitless that this won't work" and wants to try anyway, that is what should be said. If the relationship is not important enough for the person to move beyond trying to "save face" and onto speaking plainly what they want and need out of a relationship, then they shouldn't whine when it fails.
and calliope, I'm sorry to start a little debate in your thread. You are in some pain, whatever the reasons and whatever came before. And for that, I am sorry. Like I said, I've been there.
{{hugs}}
((((((((((Calliope))))))))))
The worst is over, it truly does get better from her on out. Get on with your life and you won't find much good looking down a bottle, that's a headache of a different kind.
Your heart will heal, give it time. I wish you well on your journey.
GBL
thanks everyone for your hugs and words of wisdom.
now that i see it written here, i realize that i was scared shitless.
in my husbands (ex..?) defence, he hasn't "cheated" on me. but i feel as though he has. it's complicated...
in the infamous words of Raleigh "The Royal Tenenbaums"
"you've made a cuckold of me"
that's how i feel.
