Missed you guys, had "The Talk" with ...

by reagan_oconnor 12 Replies latest jw friends

  • reagan_oconnor
    reagan_oconnor

    It's been about a month since I posted... sorry to stay away so long.

    Many of you are aware that my parents stopped speaking to me last year, and the only time I've seen them in a year is when my Dad had a heart attack.

    I got an e-mail from my Mom that asked how I "felt about their religion" since I'm celebrating holidays.

    I sat down with Mom on Saturday and told her that regardless of our differences in beliefs, that we're still family, and that will never change. I told her that I understand that she's conflicted because of her beliefs, and that it's been difficult for her. I told her that I love her, she is my mother, and no matter what, that will never change.

    She tried to address "apostasy" by telling me to remember that I may decide to "come back" and I don't want to "do or say anything that could harm my chances." I responded by saying that I appreciate her concern. And I left it at that.

    It's really hard for my husband to understand this f-ed up dynamic... his family has always been there for us, they wouldn't dream of cutting of relationship with us, even though they know that we have no intention of becoming Catholic. My parents took every opportunity to make jabs and snide comments about Catholics (my husband wasn't around, of course) to which I replied, "my in-laws are great people, and they're Catholic, so I have respect for their beliefs, even though I may not believe the same way that they do."

    I think that "respect for another person's beliefs" is beyond the grasp of JWs.

    The last time I spoke to my ex, he had started to do some "research" on the Society and was meeting with his elders (only 2, not 3, since he was sure that they'd turn it into a JC)to discuss. From that, he decided to stop attending meetings. I told Mom this, and she said, "It sounds like he got ahold of some apostate literature!" I replied, "He's not living his life as a hypocrite anymore, and if that's what it took, so be it."

    Some things I'm not sure that they were able to grasp.

    Anyway, my husband and I made plans with them the next night, and we had a great time together. My husband still isn't thrilled with my parents total refusal to accept our beliefs ("if you celebrate the holidays, I just don't want to hear anything about it!") but he understands my need to deal with them in this way. It's sad that we have this "spiritual rider" on our relationship. It shouldn't be this way.

    Anyway, I'm back! I'm not even going to try to go through all of the posts from the last month... too much "catchup."

    Sorry for the long post, I hope all is well with everyone.

    Cheers,
    Reagan

    I am the master of my fate/I am the captain of my soul.

  • Esmeralda
    Esmeralda
    I think that "respect for another person's beliefs" is beyond the grasp of JWs.

    Hi Reagan,

    I have to agree with you on this one. This is the exact remark I keep making to my sister every time she mows me down with another tirade on how even if men make mistakes the organization is still God's.

    I say to her "Can't you just accept that this religion doesn't meet my spiritual needs? That I choose to acknowledge my Higher Power in a different way? Can't you just respect that?"

    From her conduct, I can see that the answer to that question is a resounding "no".

    Glad to see you back.

    *hug*
    essie

  • RedhorseWoman
    RedhorseWoman

    The "respect for another person's beliefs" was always an issue that gave me problems.

    According to cult logic, one cannot respect another's beliefs, inasmuch as those beliefs will result in the person's destruction at Armageddon. If respect for another person's beliefs became acceptable to JWs, then the whole premise for the house-to-house conversion work would be invalid.

  • Disengaged
    Disengaged

    Kudos Reagan_O Well handled

    "They couldn't quite explain it, they'd always just gone there.....mmmm.mmm.mmm. CTDummies

  • Billygoat
    Billygoat

    Reagan,

    Wondered where you've been! Glad you're back tho. Sorry to hear about the convo with the parents. It took a lot of courage. I know that even though all turned out 'ok', there is probably a lot of grieving that comes with this. I understand. My family "divorcing" me was (is) one of the hardest things in my life - it affects EVERY aspect of it. It never goes away. So I'm trying to learn how to just deal with it.

    You're in my prayers! Hope you can find more solace on these boards!

    Love,
    Andi

  • gsark
    gsark

    Welcome ack, sweetie!!

    <"Get down off that cross; somebody needs the wood!">

  • think41self
    think41self

    Hi Reagan

    So glad to see you back! I too was wondering where you had been. Glad you have a sort of truce going with your mom. I wonder if I will ever have one with mine. Everyone has to work out their stuff...huh?

    Anyway, you and hubby sound like you're doing well. Hang in there!

    think41self

    "It is much more sensible to be an optimist instead of a pessimist, for if one is doomed to disappointment, why experience it in advance?"
    Amelia Peabody Emerson

  • larc
    larc

    Reagan,

    I think the way you handled the conversation with your mother was just right. You showed your love for her, were vague about your concerns and gave her a face saving way of talking to you in the future. I hope others having the same kind of problem reads your wise words.

  • LDH
    LDH

    Reagan,

    As I have been pretty sketchy on the board myself for the last month, I wasn't aware that you had become --<<gasp>> IRREGULAR!

    Now I'm gonna have to send the elders to get you back to the board more regularly!

    I understand all too well the Mom thing. I'm now going on the offensive.

    I just sent her a little brochure written by public speaker Donna Hartley, called "30 days to success" or some such. It's full of self-affirmations and all kinds of worldly wisdom. I'm waiting for her to say summat like, "I'm the MOST successful because I worship Jehovah!" At which point I will ask her, "Well then, why are you always so GD miserable?" Whereupon I expect I will be hung up on. Again.

    However, going on the offense does have its benefits. Maybe you will try it one day too. I'm not going to tiptoe around the issues anymore and wait with baited breath. Im going to point out how miserable every JW that I know is.

    Good luck, Girl.

  • Eyebrow
    Eyebrow

    When I was having the toughest time with depression several years ago, the two books that made me feel the best were The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People and The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath. (All I can say about The Bell Jar was it was nice to know I was not the only one feeling crazy in the world.)

    I was very much an active JW at the time, and did get support from my friends their, but most of the advice to pray really really hard and make all the meetings was not the best thing. Fortunately, my best friend in the congregation supported my decision to get therapy and get some medication...which helped me much more than anything I got from the hall.

    There are too many ways to be an unsuccessful JW. Miss a meeting here and there and you are inactive...don't go out in service enough to the elder's standards and you are a fair weather christian...etc, etc, etc. If this were the one and only TRUE religion than it could satisfy the basic needs of everyone.

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