Some reasons shunning is so very effective...

Sabine

I feel so sad about our friend Ary, and my prominant memory of him is the sad look in his eyes when he spoke of his daughters. He was aware of how we lost our daughter, and he even felt bad complaining because at least his daughters were alive. I told him not to feel that way, that at least we could find a measure of closure, but he was on a constant roller coaster ride. Our daughter committed suicide seven years ago now, and after reading the six page letter she left there is no doubt that fear of being disfellowshiped was the main reason she took her own life. Over the years I have thought about the great power of shunning someone. In my own personal experience, eventhough I feel I am doing as best as can be expected after losing someone so precious to me in such a horrible way, I still "pay the price". You see, the only people that knew our wonderful daughter were all JWs. When someone dies, all you are left with are your precious memories of that person. Years after the pain subsides, in a normal family or group of friends, you can enjoy sharing the plesant memories of that person. There is no one we can recall all the great things about our daughter with. Sure our new friends know about her, have heard about her many qualities and accomplishments, but it just isn't the same. So even though we are totally out from under the JW's cult, they still have a small measure of power over us. Another reason shunning is so effective was made clear to me in one of my favorite books "The Hidden Messages in Water". This book was written by a Japanese scientist (Dr. Emoto) who discovered that molecules of water are affected by our thoughts, words and feelings. He did one experiment that just blew me away. He had families keep three jars of water with rice in them on their kitchen counter. One jar they expressed positive words to, the next jar they expressed negative words to and the third jar was totally ignored. The jar that was totally ignored rotted the fastest! This happened time after time the experiment was repeated. I feel one of the most damaging things you can do is purposely ignore someone. Organized religions figured this out a long time ago, unfortunately. The empowering message in this book was that we all have the healing power of love and gratitude. Our bodies and our earth are mostly made of water, we all have the power through our words, thoughts and feelings to make positive changes. I also wanted to thank all of you for your loving expressions regarding Ary's death. I'm not on the computer much these days, but will always appreciate this board and how important it was to our family when we felt so all alone and ignored by everyone we knew for 40+ years in the cult. Love to you all, Sabine

carla

I'm so sorry for the loss of your daughter. Sorry too that the jw's still hold a little piece of her, in a way. Your post was lovely and thoughtful. all the best, carla

twinkletoes

Thank you for sharing with us Sabine, Your situation is so very sad. It appears that many people commit suicide due to the shunning/disfellowshipping policy. The JWs have a lot to answer for - their teachings are far from Christ like, I would go so far as to say that they are evil.

I'm glad that this forum has helped a little.

Twink

serendipity

((( Sabine ))) Shunning is very harmful and I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

hubert

So sorry to hear you lost your daughter, Sabine.

My sincere condolances.

Hubert

after reading the six page letter she left there is no doubt that fear of being disfellowshiped was the main reason she took her own life.

Do you still have the letter? Maybe you should show it to a lawyer. I know it won't bring your daughter back, but suing the W.T. will help bring the cult down, and help stop this madness.

diamondblue1974

Sabine....your brief post is a huge reminder to me as it will be to others, why we should never go back to the witnesses.

Heartrending and very tragic tale indeed.

DB74

fullofdoubtnow

Sabine....your brief post is a huge reminder to me as it will be to others, why we should never go back to the witnesses.

amen to that

Sabine, thankyou for sharing, I am so sorry to hear of you tragic loss

lostlantern

I am sorry to hear about your daughter. I agree with you in regards to shunning, we turn our backs on people at the moment when they need love the most. Our family has learned this the hard way as well. The only positive thing that has come out of our experience is truly learning and appreciating what true, "christlike" love is.

Shunning is also effective as a preemptive measure, who wants to take a stand when they know they will lose their family.

Odrade

Thank you for writing that Sabine.

codeblue

Very interesting about "The Hidden Messages in Water"...

I am sorry I just found your newest topic...I think this is one that many more people need to read.

Thanks for sharing the info...and "I MISS YOU"...

hugs,

Codeblue

Some reasons shunning is so very effective...

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