To DA or not to DA that is the question

lola28

Hi guys, as most of you know I have been inactive for a bit ( August of 2004 was the last time I turned in time) I changed congregations in December and have pretty much faded.

Last night I had a talk with someone and he asked me why I was still in, why not just DA?

My answer ?

1. Because I'm afraid of the hurt it is going to cause some people that I care about.

2. Because I am afraid of doing something that I won't be able to take back.

Here is the crazy part, the people that I don't want to hurt have pretty much failed to show any concern about me, during the last few years I can count on one hand the amount of times they have called me to see what was wrong with me. Still there is a huge part of me that wants to protect them and spare them any pain.

I know that there is no way I will ever go back, but Daing just seems so final, it is not something I can take back and I am scared of taking that step.

So, why not continue to fade like I have for the last few years?

Because I feel dishonest, and I hate that feeling. I can not lie to myself, I don't want to continue pretending that I believe in the Society. I have written my DA letter, I wrote it a while back and last night it became clear to me that right now I want only one thing: To be out.

Thats all I want now, but I'm too scared to do it, so my question for those of you that have DAed is, do you regret it ?

I'm sorry for the long rant, this is mostly just me thinking out loud, but if any of you have something to share please do, the wisdom of some of you here is always welcomed.

thanks for hearing me out

lola

IP_SEC

1. afraid

2. afraid

I dunno if fear is a good reason to do or not do anything.

If you've successfully faded, why da. If you need to for peace of mind, then by all means.

I do not regret it in any way shape or form

Spectre

I faded thinking that I might go back. Now I never would. I don't feel any obligation to now tell them anything whatsoever. If they wanted to meet with me for a JC I might for my own entertainment and would even tell them that. I guess my advice to you is that you don't owe them anything.

BlackSwan of Memphis

I da'ed in Nov. No I don't regret it, although I won't say that it doesn't hurt, badly at times.

I understand much of where you are coming from.

Da'ing to me in the end was a matter of yes, wanting out. But more than that cutting ties with an Org that abuses people. It meant moving on and answering questions for me and for those that I love.

Da for reasons that you won't regret. Da when you are confident it's the right decision for you.

peace and blessings

Meagan

lola28

Hi Swan

Da'ing to me in the end was a matter of yes, wanting out. But more than that cutting ties with an Org that abuses people.

That is it for me as well.

lola

greendawn

You will finally have to disassociate because you can't stand pretending to be what you are not, it's your life and others will have to accept it you don't live for them or the org that let you down so much. Perhaps explain to them clearly why you are going.

tetrapod.sapien

hey lola,

there isn't a right or wrong course to take in leaving the borg. everyones situation and strengths are different. i felt i could ride the crashing wave of DAing, and so that's what i did. at the time, i thought it was the only honest course of action, but now i see that it's no big deal, really. at any rate, i found some snippits from the letter i sent to family and friends that i enclosed with a copy of my DA letter. touches on this subject. might be interesting:

Please do not think that this decision is based on a lack of reason, evidence or careful contemplation. It has been very difficult for me coming to this decision, and I have gone through the requisite psychological hell (lacking a better term) for the last several months over this experience of deconversion. I had considered for a time, and indeed even tried, to take a "fade away" approach to my lack of belief and faith, but alas this is a lie. I would rather be honest with myself and you, than to live a lie with myself and you, even if it hurts. This, i hope, at least you can respect.

You may wonder how I can love you, and yet "do this to you". However, without saying much more, I will say that it would not be moral for me to
continue deceiving you. Some of you may feel that this is an unnecessary and rash thing to do, on my part. However, it has not been such. Rather, I have been working this over and over in my head for the last several months as to the best way to do this, and to remain honest to myself.

tee hee (i said the word "moral") tee hee...

TS

IronClaw

Because I feel dishonest, and I hate that feeling. I can not lie to myself, I don't want to continue pretending that I believe in the Society. I have written my DA letter, I wrote it a while back and last night it became clear to me that right now I want only one thing: To be out.

Being honest with yourself is something you have to live with day in and day out.

You say you wrote your DA letter.

You say in bold print YOU WANT OUT.

Seems like you answered your own question to me.

PS: Nothing is permanent you know, you can always go back and do the repentant thing

lola28

tetra, thank you for sharing that.

hehe, tetra said "moral" hehe

BlackSwan of Memphis

Hey Lola, good reasons. It's not like it's a walk in the park, but I really believe when you have good reason that will be your foundation. It help you stand tall and do what ya gotta do.

TS: good letter.

meagan

To DA or not to DA that is the question

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