Post-Valentine's Day rundown and damage control

by Super_Becka 13 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Super_Becka

  OK, time for an update on the situation over here, post-Valentine's Day.

  Here on my own, Valentine's Day wasn't too horrible, it definitely could've been worse. I got cards in the mail from both of my parents (and there was even some money in the card from my dad!! ), my roommates and I exchanged cards and chocolates and there were lots of flowers delivered to our apartment. One of my roommates got a bouquet of bright spring flowers from some nameless person - we like to think it's a secret admirer - and another roommate got a huge bouquet of roses and lilies from her Swiss boyfriend. A close guy-friend of mine even dropped by with three pretty pink roses for me, I was very surprised. Plus, we're a very festive group of people, so there were decorations all around, too, it was quite nice here.

  On the relationship front, it wasn't as disastrous with my JW boyfriend as I thought it would be. It was actually a little better than I was hoping for. We couldn't be together for Valentine's Day because of the distance, and he didn't send me anything, but he still reacted better than I was hoping for. I sent him an e-card to make sure that he got something yesterday, and he didn't grumble about it, and there's a regular card in the mail, he should get it shortly, I was late sending it, so I'll be waiting to hear about that when he finally gets it. I also made sure to tell him all about the festivities we had over here yesterday and that someone cared enough to send me flowers, and then I sat back and waited for him to explode at me. Hey, he generally doesn't handle special occasions very well, he usually has something rude and dismissive to say about them, so I was prepared for and expecting some nasty comments. Instead, here's what I got:

  "Hehe, sounds like your place is buried in flowers today. ;-) Ooh, I wish I could be there today for you. I know it's hard finally having a good guy, and not being able to spend valentines day with him. But well, that's what we get for living so far apart. I've never really been interested in valentines day, but some day we'll have one together. Just have to wait until you're finally out of school. I'm sure it'll be very fun. :-)"

  I copied and pasted that directly out of his email, those are his exact words. Let's examine that, shall we?? Firstly, he doesn't say anything rude about our flowers and he acknowledges how hard it is for me to have Valentine's Day alone when I have a boyfriend that I love very much - so far, so good. And he notes that we weren't together yesterday because of the distance, which is very true. And then... wait, what's that?? Ooo, do I see the possibility of a future Valentine's Day?? OK, I'll admit, I had to pick my jaw up off the floor when read that. He says that he's "never really been interested in Valentine's Day", which I'm gonna take as "I'm a Witness, I don't celebrate", but hey, he said that we'll have Valentine's Day sometime!! The only stipulation?? It'll have to wait until I finish school, which is perfectly reasonable because I'm always here in school for Valentine's Day, so we can't be together anyway, even if he wasn't a JW. I don't see any "Maybe we'll try Valentine's Day sometime" or "I guess we can do something for Valentine's Day some day if you really want to", this is a "We're gonna have Valentine's Day when it's actually possible"!!

  OK, I'm not about to jump to conclusions and assume that he's suddenly willing to celebrate everything that I do, but he's willing to celebrate Valentine's Day with me, and I think that's a start. Maybe I'm grasping at straws, but at this point, knowing how stubborn and rude he usually is about holidays, I'll take what I can get!! Some good might come of this after all. This just might work out. I've said it before, I'll say it again - a girl can dream, right??

  So I guess my Valentine's Day wasn't completely ruined after all. Sure, I was sad for most of yesterday, I was very lonely and yeah, I had to spend some time with my box of Kleenex, but in the end, there's a small ray of light, a spark of hope. Hey, all might not be lost after all!!

  Any comments, anyone?? How did Valentine's Day go for all the rest of you UBMs out there??

  -Becka :)
• 

  Mary

  Hey hon, the very fact that he's a Witness and is dating a "worldly" girl gives us great hope that one day, he'll leave the Borg altogther.........fantastic news!!
• 

  Seeking Knowledge

  That's a good sign for you. Maybe he'll come around completely.

  I got home last nite to my entire house being clean. Dishes were done, all the laundry was done and there was a single red rose & 3 home made cookies on my table. Things were put in their place and my bed was made. Even my son's room was clean. This was all the result of my 16 year old daughter who wanted me to have a good day. I was floored. Not that she cleaned (moreso that she did the dishes...she NEVER does the dishes..and I'm talking an empty dishwasher!) but that she went out of her way to do all of that for me. Brought a tear to my eye.

  The three cookies were one for me, one for her little brother and one for her little brother's dad, my ex...the JW. When we met last nite to drop my son with him, I showed him the note she left for me spelling out that one of the cookies was for him (she put our initials on each one in icing). I did see a tear in his eye. He took the cookie. He's having a rough time right now, and I wanted nothing more than for him to see that we're not all bad.

  I think I'll keep her.

  SK
• 

  RichieRich

  I woke up SUPER early, and drove to my local florist shop, where I had reserved a dozen long stem roses. So I picked the roses up, and drove to my special lady's house. I had already made arrangements with her mom to wake her up, and she was waiting at the door to let me in. I crept upstairs to her room, and woke her up with a kiss, and the roses.

  Her mom had to go to work, so she left, and I started cooking breakfast. Then we ate breakfast, and

  {can't tell y'all this part}

  and we got to school about an hour late.
• 

  AuldSoul

  Super_Becka,

  He on his way to NOT being a Witness. If he has preached to you against holidays it was probably as much to try and convince himself as it was to convince you.

  

  It seems like you're about to win one over to the light.

  Respectfully,
  AuldSoul
• 

  deeskis

  sounds like he love's ya Beck. Now you just gotta keep planting seeds. Tell him you did a google search on a uni topic and found this site and mention the UN and some other things. (not all at once, don't want to overwhelm him!)

  Glad you're feeling encouraged.

  best wishes D
• 

  whyamihere

  I woke up SUPER early, and drove to my local florist shop, where I had reserved a dozen long stem roses. So I picked the roses up, and drove to my special lady's house. I had already made arrangements with her mom to wake her up, and she was waiting at the door to let me in. I crept upstairs to her room, and woke her up with a kiss, and the roses.

  Her mom had to go to work, so she left, and I started cooking breakfast. Then we ate breakfast, and

  {can't tell y'all this part}

  and we got to school about an hour late.

  Richie....you cheated on me! You better not have anymore kids...because I need all I can get...lol

  My Valentines Day? Hmmmmmm Not a damn thing.

  Brooke
• 

  Jordan

  Valentines Day Rawked for me! Aside from it being my birthday! A good friend (not girlfriend, we're not dating) came all the way from the other end of the country to spend the day with me...If the distance wasn't so long we totally would be dating... It was a great day. Ended perfectly too... I wish she didn't have to go back though...
• 

  kid-A

  Just out of curiosity, does he still go to meetings and/or door-to-door preaching? If he is totally inactive, what is his justification for not celebrating? Does he still agree with them philosophically?

  Sometimes, when you are raised in the JWs, you never learn how to give gifts etc and it may be wise to give him a "tutorial" on this! I speak from experience, when I first started dating my "worldly"

  girlfriend, it was a steep learning curve for me, and in no time I was sending the valentines roses, buying the x-mas and b-day gifts, etc etc. But it will probably take some prodding on your part.

  Cheers!
• 

  Super_Becka

  He on his way to NOT being a Witness. If he has preached to you against holidays it was probably as much to try and convince himself as it was to convince you.

  AuldSoul, I hope you're right!! *crosses fingers*

  Just out of curiosity, does he still go to meetings and/or door-to-door preaching? ; If he is totally inactive, what is his justification for not celebrating? Does he still agree with them philosophically?

  Nope, he never goes to meetings (he can't actually remember the last time he went, he thinks they're boring) and he hasn't gone door-to-door since he was a little boy (his grandmother used to take him out). He is beyond inactive, but his reasoning for not celebrating is, "I'm a Witness, we don't believe in *insert holiday here*". He said recently that he thinks that the JW interpretation of the Bible makes sense and is right, but the Catholic interpretation is wrong - the thing is, I don't think he even owns a Bible, and with a family full of JWs, I'm damn sure he's never read a mainstream version of the Bible. He's also never gone to a mainstream church, for obvious reasons, but that'll be fixed in May - he's coming to an Anglican church service with me, and I didn't even have to ask him to!!

  Sometimes, when you are raised in the JWs, you never learn how to give gifts etc and it may be wise to give him a "tutorial" on this! I speak from experience, when I first started dating my "worldly"

  He's pretty good with gift-giving, he's given me several things now and he always has a small gift for me when we visit each other, he's just clueless when it comes to wrapping paper. He never wraps gifts for me, and when I gave him a gift that I'd wrapped, it took him a few minutes to figure out what to do with it. I told him that I'd teach him how to wrap and unwrap gifts and he didn't seem too opposed to that.

  girlfriend, it was a steep learning curve for me, and in no time I was sending the valentines roses, buying the x-mas and b-day gifts, etc etc. But it will probably take some prodding on your part.

  Hey, I'm patient and I'm quite good at prodding, so if that's what it takes, I can handle it!! I think that since he's completely agreed, without prodding, to Valentine's Day, I may have my foot in the door for some other things, like birthdays, and he's already said that he might try Christmas with me sometime, so this might work out after all. Hey, I'm young, I've got nothing but time.

  Thanks for all of the encouragement, guys!!

  -Becka :)