The first time memorial came around after I had become inactive some friends of mine were determined to help me, encourage me etc.
(At this stage I still believed but couldn't bring myself to go to meetings anymore. I was so confused and didn't know my right hand from my left.)
So they invited me to come to dinner at theirs before the memorial and they would take me with them, let me sit with them etc so people wouldn't bombard me etc. Well I gave it my best shot. I went to dinner. I was dressed ready for the meeting. But when it came to time to go to the memorial I couldn't bring myself to do it. I couldn't explain it just happened like that. I felt terrible about it too...