I feel sorry for your messed up life, but we all have our shares too. The problem is, that they misleaded us into believing that the borg is holy, what as we know now is sick and perverted, not holy. This is Satanic Cult, that is why we been battered with so many problems. Stay away from the Occult, don't take any more of their poisonus food ( by the way, the proper food look very nice & healthy in the mags, but don't be fooled ), and start searching for the truth. Truth is everywhere, just you have to pay attention, and sort the truth from the lies. GOD IS TRUTH. God is love.
The sick JW Cult messed everybody mind and faith so much, that is not easy to believe in God and the truth. I know, i was crying, and I was loosing faith in everything, i was loosing desire to live at all.
It took a lot of praying and searching, to be on my own feet again.
Don't give up, God will guide you if you as him.