Beating your kids

by cakemonkey3 23 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  luna2

  I was not raised a JW and we were spanked regularly. If whatever we did was bad enough, we'd get spanked with a belt...usually three whacks. I don't remember feeling abused even though I certainly didn't enjoy getting that sort of punishment. I know it bothered my parents quite a bit to do it, but that what they were raised with.

  I spanked my kids too, but don't feel I ever went overboard. I do agree that spanking isn't the best way to go, but a person tends to use their own parents and how they handled certain situations as a model.

  People who spanked or beat their children at the KH seemed to be doing it to show all the other dubs just how godly they were in training their kids and "not sparing the rod". Beating a child to make brownie points with other self-righteous knuckleheads is disgusting.
• 

  FlyingHighNow

  I never spanked my kids for brownie points. I only did it if I was trying to train them to quiet down. Most witness parents I knew were doing the same thing, trying to train their children to behave in public.

  The thing is, it's inappropriate and unfair to expect babies and small children to sit for two hours and for several hours during a convention. Most churches have nurseries for all or at least most of the adult service. They wisely do not expect children to sit and be robotish for a church service.

  Then another thing: churches provide youth activities and Sunday school for older children. Some churches have easter egg hunts and mardi gras parties. They recognize that kids MUST have fun some of the time or they will become depressed.
• 

  Jez

  We recently discussed this topic.

  http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/6/107931/1876938/post.ashx#1876938
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  cakemonkey3

  Thanks for your responses and for sharing your experiences. I was not beaten as a child so I cannot even imagine how that would make someone feel. Krstyann, you make a good point about parents beating on kids physically smaller and weaker than them. If the person did that to an adult they would be jailed. You are a smart girl. Ferret, I think you're very brave and admirable to admit to feeling badly about the corporal punishment. Would love to hear more from you here or on PM. What makes me sad is that my half sister insists that because her father told her jihovah had told them to beat her that it was done out of love and not anger it is okay. By the way he beat her with a belt and some sort of whip thing. My sister truly believes that it was the right thing her father did. She says deserved what happened to her. I cant get it through her head that it was wrong and awful. That he said he did it out of love makes it even creepier. If she had been an adult and had been beaten by her father he would have been arrested. He probably would have been arrested for the beatings if she had understood her rights as a child. But then what child knows this? It would be nice to hear from other reformed jws here who did beat their kids and how they feel about it now. It is interesting to see that most people posting are the victims of abuse. Where are all the olders or whatever u call them out there who are now seeing the light. Please speak up. (Flyinghighnow, I'm not talking about smacks and hand spakings here. That is anything but a great way to parent. Do yourself and your future peace of mind a favor and read. There is a lot of free education available online and in libraries on how to deal with small children and boundaries without resorting to even small acts of violence. Good luck to you on your journey.)
• 

  cakemonkey3

  How do you do paragraphs on this thing?
• 

  still angry

  I and my brothers were spanked/whipped with the belt as children, some of us more than others. I definately disliked it, my one brother is extremely resentful of being whipped so often. All of us have difficulty parenting now, and have difficulty dealing with our own rage.

  I have spanked my daughter (open hand, on a diaper, she's almost three) because she kept going out into the road. I had exhausted time out, losing toys, etc. I know I felt worse than she did, and really, I think it suprised and humiliated her more than anything. Not that I liked the fact that she was humiliated, in fact, I think that made me feel worse than anything else. I don't like it, but I really think I did the right thing at the time. We live on a fairly busy road where people constantly speed and are on a hill where people can't see until they're on top of our house. She hasn't gone past the sidewalk since then and talks about the day she was spanked because Mommy loves her.

  It's a very confusing issue as a parent, and if you've been beat as a child, it's even more confusing. I don't think spanking is inherently evil, and there is a line that can't be crossed, but for some kids, in some circumstances, it can be a very powerful tool to get a message across to a child. Actually, I think for parents that were beat as kids and are now overly permissive are doing the worst harm in their attempt to salve their pain.
• 

  Think

  Beating your kids ?

  It is OK, if you do it the Watctower way !

  Whack them with the King Size Bible on the head, 12 times is recomended, so they will remember that 12 apostles are alive today and well, they LEAD the org. as the faitful slave. ( and there is no mark of abuse ). If child complain of abuse later, when he is old to understand abuse, explain to authrities, that he is Bible prone, was trying to reach the bible to learn how to be obedient to the Faitful slave, and the bible FALLEN on his head by accident. You know, accident happen, that is why they are called accidents...
• 

  serendipity

  hi cakemonkey3, welcome to the forum!

  My parents were abusive prior to becoming JW's, so I can't blame religion. My mother frequently said that she should have received more beatings as a kid so she wouldn't have made so many mistakes. What a sick attitude.

  I 'beat' my child twice. Once for running into the road in defiance of my orders when she was 7 years old - and I think that was justified because she was old enough to know better & was just being stubborn. The other time was because she wouldn't put a dress on for a meeting at the kH when she was 3. That one I regret.

  She has no memory of either beating, so I don't feel I need to apologize. There have been times when I've yelled at her or accused her of doing something she didn't do, and then apologized. So I'm capable of doing that if necesary.

  I wish I could think of something to help your sister understand that abuse is cruel and not loving. I worry that she would perpetuate the cycle of abuse when she is a parent.
• 

  Gretchen956

  There is a difference, yes, between spankings and abuse. I agree with the definition of the hand on the behind, anything else is pushing it. And yes, other religions beat their kids, but none advocate it from the platform or pulpit as much as JWs do.

  My mom would beat me until she made me cry. Thats all it would take. But I'm a stubborn girl. I wouldn't cry. The older I got the worse it got. I would stare right in her eyes and make her look at me while she beat me. To me, if I cried she won, she never won. It was some sort of power struggle with her and I. My mom had a hair-trigger temper to go with her red hair. Now with my dad he had a slow-burn German temper. It didn't go off often nor half-cocked, but when he finally did get mad you knew the fists would come into play. At least he was sorry afterward, something I cannot say for my mom. Truly, they both did this because they thought they were supposed to, and both of them were raised that way. I forgave them for it a long time ago.

  Sherry
• 

  FlyingHighNow

  (Flyinghighnow, I'm not talking about smacks and hand spakings here. That is anything but a great way to parent. Do yourself and your future peace of mind a favor and read. There is a lot of free education available online and in libraries on how to deal with small children and boundaries without resorting to even small acts of violence. Good luck to you on your journey.)

  
  

  
  My children are grown up now. I think if you can raise children without spanking them, it's better. Not everyone agrees that a smack on the bottom is abusive or even violent. When I took a friend for a mental health screening, he was asked if he was abused as a child. The worker, who works for the Ottawa County Michigan Mental Health Unit told us that abuse is described as using anything other than your open hand on a backside as abusive.

  My grandfather gave us kids very mild spankings. He was very loving and he never, ever raised his voice to us or called us names, etc. His spankings didn't really hurt. I didn't fear him at all. My mother on the other hand beat us to the point of bleeding with a belt. I could clearly see the difference between mild discipline, designed to get my attention when other methods failed, and extreme, angered, violent abuse.

  You will find that if you ask experts, you will get a variety of answers. Some feel any spankings are abusive. Many of them don't feel a smack on the backside is abusive. I feel it's better to avoid spankings if possible. I also know from experience that's not always realistic. I am talking light smacks on the tush, not beatings. I wonder if you realize there is a big difference. To consider all spankings to be violence is extreme and sensationalistic.