Time to start living again

lola28

I'm done. I am done. I am done. I am done.
Time to start living again.

I have come to realize that for the last two years I have put my life on hold, I have not been living I have just been floating just existing but not living, not really living. It is time for me to change this. Loosing my religion and my belief system was bad loosing my life because I can't let it go is so much worse.

I have been in this state of shock for the longest time and I have been stuck in this awful state of shock and fear and it drained me, it just took everything I had and I let this situation overwhelm me and take over my life. It felt like I was drowing and there was noone there for me to talk to, my best friend the only person that I could trust with this was gone, cancer took her from me, there was noone else that I trusted with this, and none of my other friends could ever possibly understand what was going on in my life.

I guess I finally sat down and talked to someone about this, I mean really talked about it and at the end of this two hour marathon conversation it hit me, I have been feeling sorry for myself for the longest time and have done nothing to make things better. I have been walloing in despair and in fear and have ignored myself, I lost myself. Well that stops now. No more, I have to make myself better, I will make myself better.

I don't want to wake up twenty years from now and still be in the same spot, I don't want to be forty and still be bitter and angry and hurting over this. Life is much too short to spend it being angry over something that has already happened and that I can not change, time to let it go. I'm ready to start doing the things that I used to love, I have a list, a plan and I'm ready to go.

Noone is going to give me the things that I want, I have to go out and get them for myslef, this is a huge lesson that I learned when I was a kid, someone told me “ when you want something you go out and you get it, you don't wait for someone to hand it to you”. I'm going to get what I want, I am going to accomplish everything I want, how do I know this? Because I know me, I am not failure, I get what I want.

So here it is folks, I'm tired, I am tired of feeling angry and lost. I am tired of caring about what other people think of me, you know what it occurred to me that I have more than enough people in my life that really care about me, people that would do anything for me. The rest of you, those of you that feel like it is okay to put me down and to be mean, I have two word for you, Fuck you. I am done with you, I don't need people like you around.

I have a long journey ahead of me and I know that I'm going to mess up along the way but I have always found my way I have always made it out of bad situations okay, so I'm not worried. You see most of my life the only person I have ever counted on for anything is me, and I made it ok with just myself to rely on but now I have a few people that I can count on, so I know for a fact that I will be okay.

"J-dubs make life all about turmoil pain and self-sacrifice - life is short - life is a mystery - nobody really knows for sure what happens after we die. But the day is here, love it, and be you!"
Wise words, words that I'm going to live the rest of my life by.

Ok I have said everthing that I needed tosay. So thank you Jonathan,Bill Maher and Sublime for helping me figure this out.

Lola

rimbaudbunuel

Awesome Lola!!! I'm really happy for you. And I thank you for these words, truly. I am in such a similar situation and they are really inspiring for me and help me a lot. It's so easy to let what happened with jw's tear you down and keep you in this place of just trying to undue damage done and the pain. But being able to get to that point where you let it go and move on with your life I think is really where we all want to get to. I see only positives here. I am very happy for meeting you and all the talks we have had. You have helped me tremendously. Rock On Lola! - Your Friend Jonathan

lola28

You know how you can thank me Jonathan, Coffee Bean tons and tons of hot vanilla from the Coffee Bean. Joking aside you have helped me a lot more than you will ever know, the last two times we have talked have been like therapy. All I can say is thank you, thank you and thank you.

Lola

bikerchic

Awesome lola!

I'm ready to start doing the things that I used to love, I have a list, a plan and I'm ready to go.

Noone is going to give me the things that I want, I have to go out and get them for myslef, this is a huge lesson that I learned when I was a kid, someone told me “ when you want something you go out and you get it, you don't wait for someone to hand it to you”. I'm going to get what I want, I am going to accomplish everything I want, how do I know this? Because I know me, I am not failure, I get what I want.

Those are powerful and positive words and I can tell you are going to make your life happen and make it a great one!

Wise words, words that I'm going to live the rest of my life by.

I would print this out and post it in a place in your house where you will read it every day and day by day you'll see that you are living the life you want. You know you can't make a future by hanging onto the past. Good for you I envy you for figuring it out so young, you have so much in life to look forward to.

Happy trails!

theinfamousone

yeah babe! you did it... everyone on this site has alot to learn from you, including myself... walking away, leaving the pain and regret behind.. these are the dreams we all hope to achieve... the first of many... i hope for love and happiness to fill your life, and i hope you take your time with the borg as a lesson, one that made you stronger for the bull crap (it just doesnt sound as good as bull shit) you went through... but never look back...

live a long, happy life... with lots of fun, and NO REGRETS... and when u reach that death bed, i hope youre able to say, you did everything u wanted.. live everyday as if it were ur last, cuz u never know whats coming next...

the infamous one (hoping he will be lucky enough to be a part of a life as spectacular as yours will be...)

lola28

Infamous you have no idea what a huge part you have played in my getting to this place, thank you for your friendship.

;(hoping he will be lucky enough to be a part of a life as spectacular as yours will be...)

You are welcome to join me anytime.

Lola

Spectre

Nice one lola!

Follow your bliss. ~Joseph Campbell

I'd send you an emoticon kiss but they don't have any.

serendipity

((( Lola ))) You go girl!! Keep in mind, you may have setbacks, but just view them as speed bumps or detours. You CAN get to the destination, and remember to enjoy the journey!

Gretchen956

(((((((lola)))))))))

What an epiphany it is! Congratulations! How I envy you finding out so young, I was in the org until I was in my late 30s. Life was a struggle for the first 10 years afterwards, many lessons personally for me, there wasn't this list to fall back on or for support and it took me a long time. But I got there too and life is GREAT!!!!!

I always think this stuff is like peeling an onion, there is always another layer of hurt or anger or something that may come up later, you never know what will trigger that. Just remember you now have the tools and the strength to get through it, and you know you CAN do it. This will allow you to never be pulled down again.

You go, girl! Good luck for a rich and happy life!

Sherry

Super_Becka

Congratulations, lola, welcome back to the real world!!

I'm glad you've finally figured things out and are ready to move forward and make the best of your life and what you have, that's awesome!! Maybe you can't change the things that have happened to you, but you can certainly take charge of your life and your future and make it everything you want it to be!!

The world is your oyster!!

You're tough, I know you can do this!!

I raise my Pepsi can to you!!

-Becka :)

Time to start living again

Share this