I am hurt, my wife had a miscarriage and still my family didn't contact me

by jwfacts 59 Replies latest jw experiences

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  jwfacts

  Two weeks ago my wife had a miscarriage at 11 weeks. It is very sad as it was to be my first child and my wife is already 39. What hurt the most though is that none of my immediate family contacted me.

  I was d/f in January and did not expect to hear regularly from my parents and sister. However when I found out that my wife was pregnant I was surprised that they did not just call me to congratulate me. When my wife (who is not d/f) had a miscarriage they called her but not me. I am now really quite angry that they could not even talk to me for a minute, or send an sms or email or card just to say their condolances.

  My family were always very close. To be suddenly shut out from them has shocked me, as I can not believe that they are that sort of people. I am struggling to come to terms with what sort of people my family are. What does it say about them; or is this barbaric religion so powerful that it can change a persons personality that much?

  Even when I was in bethel I would call my d/f friends just to make sure they were alright. I am in shock that any person can not see through the evil that is shunning.
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  ballistic

  This sucks. It's strange as well how some people here still have families that speak to them and some don't depending on how the family interpret the rules.
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  diamondblue1974

  My family were always very close. To be suddenly shut out from them has shocked me, as I can not believe that they are that sort of people. I am struggling to come to terms with what sort of people my family are. What does it say about them; or is this barbaric religion so powerful that it can change a persons personality that much?

  Even when I was in bethel I would call my d/f friends just to make sure they were alright. I am in shock that any person can not see through the evil that is shunning.

  Sorry that you are being treated this way; their shunning policy exacerbates your loss.

  Please accept my condolences!

  DB74
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  Clam

  Jwfacts, my heart goes out to you, both for your loss and the behaviour of your JW family members. I hope you're wife is both healing and coping well with what has happened. I also sincerely hope that your family are conscious of what they are doing to you for the sake of their "cult rules", and that one day soon their eyes will be opened to the inhumanity and evil of shunning.
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  desertlily

  Hello brother Paul:

  I'm so sorry you and your wife lost your baby. I'm sure even Jah, Jesus, the Holy Spirit and the angels also grieve. My late mom had 2 miscarriages and I truly believe somehow I'll meet my brother and sister in paradise. As far as your "Christian" JW family goes, the love has obviously cooled off. The more truth about the truth we learn, the more sense it makes that we are part of Jah's wayward people and the Bible is speaking to "us" and Jesus is cleansing the temple, leaving those left on the "inside" of the KH's, the ones who love the lies by having their ears tickled!

  Just hang on a little longer please, cause our deliverance is getting near. imho

  Much love and extra prayers for Jah and Jesus to comfort you and all of their hurting cyber sheep worldwide.
  sis

  Matthew 10:34-38

  34 Do not think I came to put peace upon the earth; I came to put, not peace, but a sword. 35 For I came to cause division, with a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a young wife against her mother-in-law. 36 Indeed, a man’s enemies will be persons of his own household. 37 He that has greater affection for father or mother than for me is not worthy of me; and he that has greater affection for son or daughter than for me is not worthy of me. 38 And whoever does not accept his torture stake and follow after me is not worthy of me.

  New World Translation of the Holy Scriptures
  
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  penny2

  Your family may have no idea how their actions are affecting you - they can't put themselves in your shoes. They still have each other and they only know how to think one way - the way they've been taught. In fact they think shunning is loving because it may cause you to re-evaluate and come back. It's emotional torture and you will need to be strong to get through this. You are grieving the loss of a child but also the loss of your family.

  I don't think your family have stopped loving you (you say you were always very close). One or more may be wanting to contact you but may fear what the others will think especially if there are elders in the family who will be giving their point of view - warped as it may be.

  Sorry for your loss and I'll be thinking of you.

  penny2
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  rebel8

  (( ))
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  carla

  I'm sorry for your loss. And how your family is treating you.
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  slugga

  Hi,

  Sorry to hear about your loss, i remember seeing the original post about how your wife was pregnant and thought it was good news for you in your present situation.

  I don't know your families situation, what they're really like and I am not making apologies for them but i do know that men tend to get left out in situations like this. Its the mother who gets all the sympathy, everyone tends to forget that the dads are just as heartbroken too.

  Here in the Uk there's been a bit of talk recently about this and about how fathers grieve too and about how we're forgotten, maybe things will start to change.

  You might want to check out this site cos you're not the only one. http://www.thelaboroflove.com/forum/loss/fathers.html

  <<<<<<HUGS>>>>>>

  Matt
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  Scully

  I'm sorry to hear about your loss.

  I hope your family's reaction is due to their not understanding how deeply a miscarriage can affect the father-to-be. Often times, the focus is on the woman who had the miscarriage - sometimes others perceive it as "her" loss only, not her partner's loss also. Although, I wouldn't be surprised if the mind control exercised by the JWs is exacerbating the situation.