The term "showing affection" in the KH isn't just limited to kissing or groping, we're talking holding hands, arms around your spouse, hugs, anything that someone would be able to associate with the couple actually being a couple. It varies from cong. to cong. too. In my old hall it was absolutely looked down on, in my current cong. it doesn't matter. I could probably dry hump my wife in the aisle and the elders wouldn't care, they'd just excuse themselves to the backroom for some self studying. What is even more bizarre is the dating process. When my wife and I were dating we were counceled to not hold hands or even sit by each other until we were officially engaged, we actually got "pulled back" for that. We were also counceled to only date for 6 months before engagement and the engagement should only last 6 months. The first time we sat by each other before we were engaged an older sister came up to us and asked us when we got engaged. Stupid little rules based on nothing.
JW couples don't love each other
by Nosferatu 35 Replies latest jw friends
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Super_Becka
Married couples don't seem to show any affection to each other. However, when a couple is dating, they will hold hands. It all stops after the wedding.
Actually it seems to me to be a matter of the right place and time. I doubt you would find a lot of cooing in the pews of any church at their services. Mature people don't have to 'display' in the public forum to be in love, do they?
I'm with AK - Jeff on this one, I think there's a time and a place for showing affection.
Now, I'm not a JW, but if I was in church with my boyfriend, I most certainly not be showing any affection beyond sitting next to him, just because a house of worship doesn't seem like the most appropriate place to show affection. That sort of thing is best kept to more appropriate places, not churches. I just think that it would be disrespectful to do that sort of thing in church - after all, you're supposed to be worshipping God and giving Him your attention, not canoodling with your significant other.
And for me, I'm way too shy to be all lovey-dovey in public, anyway - I don't do anything besides holding hands when I'm out with my boyfriend, and maybe a quick kiss on the cheek. After all, what if someone I know saw us!! I'd die of embarrassment!!
As for JW couples, I can't say anything about what it's like inside a KH, I've never been inside one before, but I can speak for one JW couple that I know. My boyfriend's parents have both been JWs their entire lives and they've been married for nearly 32 years, and they still act like lovey-dovey teenagers together. They tease each other and play with each other and giggle and smile a lot and just look really happy together. They even still shower together every single morning before work. They're definitely very much so in love, it's kinda nice to see a married couple like that.
My boyfriend mentioned once that if I ever went to the KH with him (ooo, just the thought scares me, though I did say that I'd go with him if he asked - luckily, he never goes on his own and I certainly won't be asking to go, that's for sure!!), we wouldn't be able to give any sign of being a couple and he'd have to introduce me as his "friend", not his "girlfriend". I don't think he's ashamed of me, he's already introduced me to his parents and siblings and they all know that I'm not a JW, but they accept me anyway, but I do think that he's concerned about his image in his congregation. After all, a "good JW" doesn't date "unbelievers" and certainly doesn't express any affection for them, especially not in the KH.
Just some observations.
-Becka :)
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kid-A
They even still shower together every single morning before work
hee hee, I hope my wife and I are still that kinky after 32 years!!! LOL
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Super_Becka
They even still shower together every single morning before work hee hee, I hope my wife and I are still that kinky after 32 years!!! LOL
Hehehe, I think the key is having a much-younger wife.
My boyfriend's parents got married in 1974, when his father was 30 and his mother was 17. Right now, he's 61 and she's 48.
-Becka :)
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lonelysheep
I doubt you would find a lot of cooing in the pews of any church at their services. Mature people don't have to 'display' in the public forum to be in love, do they?
This just dawned on me....I never noticed how much affection lacked in the halls till this thread. I grew up attending churches from various religions. Many times, men, including family members, would sit through the entire church service with their arms around their wives' shoulders. That was it, and it was enough to show affection without being a distraction to anyone. It was always very loving and respectful.
No such thing took place at any meeting I ever attended. Quite sad, really.
As for stumbling anyone, well, that's just b.s. It should be looked at as something to look forward to when with someone who really loves you. But, then, there's the whole point of this thread!
*yikes....post 1914!
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Beep,Beep
I have seen nothing of the sort. However I personally feel that such is NOT for public viewing. It's none of my business.
By the way, I don't see many people in general going around in public making overt gestures of affection. Those that have been together awhile seem to be able to do so without anyone else knowing, the way it should be!
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carla
He was 30 and she only 17! Marry someone nearly young enough to be your daughter and has no real world experience, keep them in a high control group which has women in a 1950's mentality and you too can have woman who thinks the world revolves around you. What kind of 30 year old man wants a 17 year old wife? You can't tell me it is for her intellectual superiority. I wonder how people would view it if it was a 30 year old woman marrying a 17 year old kid? I guess we just had a case like that didn't we? The school teacher?
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kristyann
Don't JWs tend to marry very early? I know, I know, not ALL of them do... but I know that many that I have heard of do marry early. I have heard the same story over and over again of dubs getting married when they were 18 and 19, 19 and 20, etc. I think a lot of people don't even "know who they are" at that point, so they really rush into it and then later on don't like each other.
For the record, my boyfriend's JW parents got married as teenagers because they had him out of wedlock. They decided to start going back to the KH about 4 months after he was born so they got married by a Justice of the Peace.
The only reason they ever ended up "dating" (translation: having sex in the woods and in the back of some old hick car) is because they were both on drugs, and also because they are both so completely unattractive that they could never get anyone else. I think that's why a lot of people get married (JWs and non-JWs). Both his parents are really hard to look at... they are both very dirty looking, very poor hygiene, and really just unattractive. Plus, they have really annoying personalities... I don't think anyone could stand them but each other. They argue all of the time, and one of them will drive off and not come back for days, so I don't think they really like each other, either. I think they were just horny and desperate... plus water aims at its own level... most people end up marrying on their own level. So a loser deserves a loser.
Let's face it... a lot of people in the KH ARE losers... and even losers don't like each other, but misery does like company.
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LDH
When my sister didn't marry a 'brother' she had been dating,she was actually counseled for dating without regards to getting married. She basically told them to fuck off, what is the purpose of DATING. It is to find out if you are to be compatible in marriage. However she was counseled that she should only be dating 'brothers' that were of marriage interest.
So, in JW land, you better have decided to marry that person before you start dating them. Otherwise you are just a slut.
As for that sister that asked if you were engaged just because you were sitting next to each other, what a bitch! You should have told her to mind her own business like the Apostle Paul said.
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Super_Becka
He was 30 and she only 17! Marry someone nearly young enough to be your daughter and has no real world experience, keep them in a high control group which has women in a 1950's mentality and you too can have woman who thinks the world revolves around you. What kind of 30 year old man wants a 17 year old wife? You can't tell me it is for her intellectual superiority. I wonder how people would view it if it was a 30 year old woman marrying a 17 year old kid? I guess we just had a case like that didn't we? The school teacher?
What kind of man wants to marry someone young enough to be his daughter?? A JW who'd just divorced his cheating wife and was looking for someone new, that's who. And besides, they're both JWs, so it probably seemed perfectly normal to their families.If it was me and I was a teenager wanting to marry a grown man who'd already been married and divorced and had a kid, my parents would freak out, but then again, I come from a nice, normal, non-JW family.
Heh, and I've found that most men have a penchant for younger women anyway - my dad is 8 years older than my mom (they're divorced now), and 15 years older than his girlfriend, my grandfather was 14 years older than my grandmother and I'm 20, but my boyfriend is 28.
Don't JWs tend to marry very early
Yup, that seems to be a trend with JWs, they're encouraged only to date when they're ready for marriage, so they date and marry young, simple as that.
My boyfriend is 28 and his family is constantly on his case about getting married - they thought he'd be married with kids by now, and so did he. I don't blame them, though - both sides of his family are all JWs. He's also under the impression that he's ready to get married and that I'm "the One" - it's a shame that he's so naive. Little does he know that I won't be getting married any time soon, nor will I be marrying someone who insists on stifling my wants and needs, like the desire I have to celebrate my holidays and the need I feel to share these events with my friends and family.
-Becka :)