Hey man!
You are by no means pathetic. I admire you for what you have already done and would be glad to have you as a son.........or at my age..........a grandson.
Keep doing what you are doing and hang in there. Nothing will change what has already happened to you in life.........but you can.........and I'm sure you will make a good go of your life.
If you ever have a chance to get to Pittsburgh, PA.......give me an IM.
HappyDad