Oh, how I hate ex-spouses! (page 2)

Mary

Does she: provide for housing (four bedroom house vs. three bedroom house) feed the child transport the child clothe the child see that the child has appropriate medical care see that the child has appropriate schooling have the child in any 'extra' activities like soccer or music. If so, I can assure you she is spending the money

Sorry, that doesn't wash. The "housing" cost is there, whether she has a child or not. Their mortgage payments would be exactly the same whether or not she had a child. Yes, of course she feeds the child, but it does not cost that much to feed one child in a month as he eats the same thing as what his mother and step father does. Transportation? Give me a break, they live 2 blocks from his school. Medical care is publically funded here in Canada, and her benefits through work is also fully funded, so she doesn't have to worry about medical costs. Ditto for schools. So I assure you---she is NOT spending a thousand dollars a month on her child.

Nothing disgusts me more that women who are financially secure constantly baggering their ex's for more, more, more. One of my co-workers makes $90,000.00/year. He divorced his wife because she was screwing around on him but of course, that means nothing in court any more. They have joint custody of their 2 children, but he has to pay an astronomical amount in child support and alimony. He was left with $600.00 at the end of each month for him to live on! He couldn't afford to live anywhere for that, so he had to move back in with his parents for god's sake. Oh, and his ex-wife? She's remarried to a guy who makes damn good money, plus she gets all the child support from Joe still, but she's still constantly bitching and complaining that she wants more, more, more. What's wrong with this picture? Why should a guy have to give to the point of where he's got absolutely NOTHING left for himself?? I agree they should pay child support, but it should depend on how much is necessary. If the wife is remarried and is financially well off, why the hell should they be able to suck every dime out of their ex's when they don't even need the money?!

I realize that everyone's situation is different. I know of some women who are good mothers who desperately need to be able to count on child support, and they get get screwed over royally by their exs. Another one of my co-workers has received no child support from her ex-husband for 3 years! As soon as she's able to track him down (he likes to go 'underground' to avoid paying child support), he quits his job so that he doesn't have to pay anything! On the other hand, another friend of mine (an ex-Dub) has to pay a huge amount in child support to his psycho ex-wife, even though she's a horrific mother and screwed around on him with his best friend. This woman's mother is a pedophile and sexually abused all of her own children when they were very young, yet her daughter leaves her children with her on a constant basis. And guess what? Those kids were sexually abused by another family member while there. My friend tried taking it to court to get custody, but incredibly, the judge still gives this woman custody. She's re-married yet is constantly whining to her ex that she wants more, more, more. It's just unbelievable. Another friend's ex-wife is now living in a rundown apartment with a crack-head and is a total lunatic. He was smart and grabbed the kid who lives with him now. Yet he's still going to have to pay through the nose in their final settlement, even though this witch doesn't deserve a dime.

So believe me, if you were on the other end of the stick, where YOU had to shell out a ton of money every month to someone who didn't need it----you'd think that way too.

james_woods

So, this newly divorced lady comes upon a weird little oriental bottle, rubs it on a whim, and out pops a genie...

Genie says - look, I have been in here 500 years, and you only have ONE wish!

She thinks hard, tries not to be selfish, and comes up with this: "Here is a map of Jerusalem I got at Sunday School. Could you make peace for these people so they don't bomb each other any more?"

Genie says: "Look - I have only been in here for 500 years, but they have been fighting for over 3000 years...can you give me something easier?"

She says: "Well, what I REALLY want is a REALLY decent man - someone who can fix the car, cook, takes my kids to daycare, makes good money, doesn't sleep around...blah blah blah..."...

Genie says: "OKAAY - So, lets see that map of the middle East again"

loosie

I can relate Caligirl.

I have to provide the majority of the household income because child suppport takes up so much of his paycheck it's unreal.

I know she doesn't spend it on the children.

The child support system has swung way out of balance. And now fathers are just getting a royal screwing from the ex wives.

LDH

Sorry, that doesn't wash. The "housing" cost is there, whether she has a child or not. Their mortgage payments would be exactly the same whether or not she had a child.

Not necessarily. For instance, what is the mortgage on a 3 bedroom house vs. a 4-bedroom house? That is what the legal system looks at.

I agree that there is a percentage of unscrupulous parents, male and female, who like to milk the system. No matter what the 'system'--someone will milk it.

As to how much is 'spent' on a child--there was a landmark child support case in new york state about 17-18 years ago. A single parent had a child with then Governor Mario Cuomo's No. 2 guy. The guy was making like $150,000 that long ago. He gave the mother some pitiful amount like $250 a month. His argument was that 'he was paying her enough to keep her off welfare'. The judicial panel ruled that the child was entitled to the same monetary access that he would have if the parents were still together. At that time in New York State the law was amended so that the non-custodial parent had to pay 17% of his or her gross salary. The judges ruled that the purpose of child support was not just to keep custodial parents off welfare, but to grant that child 'lifestyle choices.' This gave way to the Child Support Standards Act in New York state. Each state adopts their own standard.

Child Support - In New York the amount of child support paid by the non-custodial parent to the custodial parent is determined by the state Child Support Standards Act. Based on an adjusted gross income formula the payments are 17% for one child and 25% for two children. There are limits that can be reached for individuals with very low income below the poverty level or very high income (statutorily above $80,000 but usually over $150,000) that will allow for deviations from these percentages. Over and above monthly or weekly child support, the court is also able to award a child support "add-on" for daycare costs if the custodial parent works, educational costs for the child (usually limited to college, not private or religious elementary or high school), and medical expenses, including the cost of medical insurance.

On September 15, 1989 the Child Support Standards Act (CSSA) became effective. This sweeping new legislation (sometimes unofficially called the "guidelines") amends Section 240 of the Domestic Relation Law to require that the court provide for child support and that an award of child support be made in accordance with subdivision 1-b of that section. Identical child support provisions were included in Section 413(1-b) of the Family Court Act.

The new law provides that basic child support be determined by applying percentages to the combined parental income (CPI) of the parties and then prorating the child support between the parties in proportion of each party's income to the combined parental income. The percentages are applied to the first $80,000.00 of combined parental income. These percentages are as follows:

17% for one child
25% for two children
29% for three children
31% for four children
No less than 35% for five or more children
The first step in applying the formula is to determine gross income of the parties. Usually gross income is that which has been reported ( or should have been reported ) on the most recent federal tax return. The statute provides a list of items to be added to income. These items include: workers compensation benefits; disability payments; unemployment insurance benefits; veterans benefits; pension and retirement benefits; fellowships and stipends; and annuity payments. The statute then provides that a court may impute income from other sources including but not limited to fringe benefits, monies provided by relatives and friends, and willfully reduced income in addition, a court may include a portion of non-recurring payments as income for child support purposes, such as: gifts and inheritances; lottery winnings; and life insurance policies.

The percentage of parents who do not use the money on their children is collateral damage. Most parents use that and then some.

The above law strikes me as very reasonable. The law can't be blamed, only those who abuse it.

As for the whole "Crazy" husband-exhusband /wife-exwife, there are always two sides to every story and the truth is somewhere in the middle.

If the wife is remarried and is financially well off, why the hell should they be able to suck every dime out of their ex's when they don't even need the money?!

Surely you jest. It is called parental responsibility. Where you draw the line is clearly not the majority opinion of courts in this country.

Lisa

LDH

Loosie it seems you might want to check this link out. They are the official worksheets for the State of Colorado. There are separate worksheets for custiodial (sole) and shared.

http://www.courts.state.co.us/chs/court/forms/domestic/childsupportguidelines.htm

Seeking Knowledge

And here is your other side

I make more money than my ex, and he has to pay child support to his son. I put it in my sons' account & use it only when necessary, which isn't often. He's pissed off at me because he has to pay this child support. He feels that since I make more money than he does, I should be paying him (we have joint custody at the moment). I am the custodial parent and I have him more than 50% of the time. He owes over $10,000 in back child support...why? Because for the first couple of years of our sons life, he never felt the need to support his son. He enjoyed the extra money in his check so he could go out & woo his soon to be new wife and only when that was in place did he decide to be a father. Granted his monthly amount is not much as he doesn't make much, but he still manages to afford his apartment, his estranged wife's apartment, support of his other son and soon to be 2nd child, support of his estranged wife and 2 vehicles he paid cash for not to mention utilities, insurance (I hope) and other fun things. Do I feel sorry for him...um nah! Does he bitch to me on a frequent basis that all his money goes to me?? You betcha. Would he be paying this money if the state wasn't removing it from his check??? NOPE!

In the meantime, I supported our son 100%. I fed him, clothed him (and I might add whenever I buy the boy new clothes, he gets sent back in clothes that are either too big or too small for him, never the new stuff) Entertained him, paid for daycare, you name it, it was me alone. I'd ask him for money, I'd get $200 if I were lucky, and only when I chased him for it. I got tired of chasing him, so I got an attorney.

I do not "want" more money from him, I don't rely on his child support to keep me in a "lavish lifestyle". I have 2 kids, single parent, every penny counts. Because my son's money goes into his account it's not spent on my other child as I've been accused of. I can't change his mind or his perception of how things are. I'm the money grubbing ex who always wants more in his eyes. . I'm fairly certain I'm probably deranged, psycho or whatever else he & the estranged wife want to label me with. She's not going to get much blood from that turnip! However, with every purchase I make, be it my new car, clothes whatever, of course you can bet that I got those things because of the money he's paying me.

I think that when he's finally paying child support for his other two children with a wife that I feel WILL hound him for more money & use the kids as a tool, then maybe he'll appreciate how easy he's got things with me now. And our son will appreciate a head start on college. Here's hoping.

SK

candidlynuts

caligirl.. if you fight it , the first thing the court will do is order financial disclosure from both sides.

i dont see how you can get out of that at all.

wish you could get a better lawyer!!

maybe you can get it all in writing that all money goes to the 18 yr old instead of the mother now.

good luck

LDH

((((((((Seeking))))))))

I do not "want" more money from him, I don't rely on his child support to keep me in a "lavish lifestyle". I have 2 kids, single parent, every penny counts. Because my son's money goes into his account it's not spent on my other child as I've been accused of. I can't change his mind or his perception of how things are. I'm the money grubbing ex who always wants more in his eyes.

Yep.

I understand why people are angry at the 'system'--however being mad at the one or two people who use the system is like wanting to shut down the Food Stamps program because some people trade them for crack.

The vast majority of parents both need and depend on this money.

Mary

As to how much is 'spent' on a child--there was a landmark child support case in new york state about 17-18 years ago. A single parent had a child with then Governor Mario Cuomo's No. 2 guy. The guy was making like $150,000 that long ago. He gave the mother some pitiful amount like $250 a month. His argument was that 'he was paying her enough to keep her off welfare'.

I agree, this is pathetic that he would think that $250.00 a month is sufficient----especially given the amount of money he makes, or was making at the time. I agree that fathers should have to support their children---no question about that. But the cases that I've seen first hand just makes me cringe. For example, my co-worker/friend who makes $90,000.00/yr. That may sound like a lot of money, but here in Canada, as soon as you make $60,000 or more, you're taxed at 50%. Which means he clears $45,000/yr or $3,750.00/month. Of that, he has to shell out $2,400.00 for child support to his ex-wife and another $600.00 a month alimony. This is ridiculous as far as I'm concerned because it doesn't even leave him enough to survive on and she doesn't need this much money. Between what she gets from him, plus her salary and her new husband's salary, she has a net income of approximately $9,000.00 a month. So she's living on that much and my co-worker is living on $750.00 a month. Do you really think this is fair? I certainly don't.

unbeliever

LDH,

Is your CS order in MASS? I hear all kinds of stories about their child support laws.

I am a firm believer that a parent should not have to pay for college or pay child support past the age of 18. Still I believe say my state where the child support laws are not always fair. My state has caps. I work for a family law attorney so I see this everyday and alimony is not given very freely like say it would be in CA. I have seen multimillionaire's only have to pay $800 (state cap) a month per child. Hell I saw this casino owner rub that in his ex gf's face. The child's standard of living is very different with his mother than the one he enjoys with his father when he gets around to seeing him. I think their should be more of a balance in that regard.

Oh, how I hate ex-spouses!

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