by TheListener 14 Replies latest jw friends
Do you witness relatives or friends talk about service and the meetings in terms of
"I have to go" or "I want to go" ?
My spouse always says she 'has to go.'
Kind of like work. Do you tell your children that it's time for you to leave for work or do you say 'I have to go now?'
Just an interesting way to determine whether our dub friends/relatives are looking forward to meetings/service or are going through the necessary motions without zeal.
My parents say they "have to go." But I don't think they realize what they are saying.
reminds me of the commerical
Gotta go........Gotta go.........Gotta GO ... right now.
My husband and I attend church together. I love it. My pastor is funny, loving, and just an all around great guy. A normal Joe Blow just like the rest of us. The other people we've met there are genuinely caring and fun to be around. My husband and I go because we enjoy it, not because anyone is forcing us. It's one thing I've realized is so different about being a JW. We HAD to go out of guilt and shame. But nowadays if hubby and I don't feel like going (which is very rare) we don't have that guilt and shame. The time we do miss church, we really MISS it and are excited about going back the following weekend.
My husband and I attend church together. I love it. My pastor is funny, loving, and just an all around great guy. A normal Joe Blow just like the rest of us. The other people we've met there are genuinely caring and fun to be around. My husband and I go because we enjoy it, not because anyone is forcing us. It's one thing I've realized is so different about being a JW. We HAD to go out of guilt and shame. But nowadays if hubby and I don't feel like going (which is very rare) we don't have that guilt and shame. The time we do miss church, we really MISS it and are excited about going back the following weekend. Billygoat
Andi, I think that's what Jesus meant when He said, “Come to Me, all of you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. All of you, take up My yoke and learn from Me, because I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for yourselves. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” Matt 11:28-30
I can't wait for the time when I can attend another church if I choose. I look forward to enjoying myself with others and not having to put up with the pressure and guilt.
TheListener
I agree with you.....how much time do you suppose it will take to be free of the guilt and such?
It's subtle things like the mindset of an organisation that eludes our grasp as opposed to their specific dogmatic statements and in the case of the JWs their mindset is very legalistic almost Judaic in its approach and the JWs have to struggle daily to survive for the supposed armageddon. Not a nice relaxing attitude to live by.
xjwms, it's not guilt or anything that keeps me from attending. It's being disfellowshipped. I've really been giving this some thought lately.
I faded so I could maintain family relationships and keep the peace. In the jw circles I've run in someone who DAs themselves is seen as having a chip on their shoulder (not necessarily true). They view DAs as angry statement making people. I didn't want my wife or immediate family to view me that way and treat me accordingly. So I faded. Going well by the way. :)
I maintain a spirituality. I read the WTS bible reading each week with my spouse and discuss other biblical topics from time to time. I pray regularly with the family and appear pretty much the same as I did before, except I don't go to meetings.
I long for spiritual association. I want to discuss deep bible topics that I don't understand or that I think I do yet really don't. I would love to attend a non-denominational bible study group and share.
But, the minute I do my fade is over and I will be disfellowshipped.
I've worked years (and I literally mean years) to fade away without causing permanent problems in my marriage and family. But, with fading you are never really free. If I'm away 1 year or 10 or 20 or 30 years will I then be able to attend the church or group of my choice? Technically, yes. At some point they should no longer consider me a witness. However, because my family are all witnesses I will probably never achieve that glorious oft hoped for status. No, I will be watched for the rest of my life and eventually a final decision will need to be made.
I say now that I WILL BE COMPLETELY FREE ONE DAY!
For now I've decided to continue the fade. Eventually when the time is right I will tell my spouse that I do long for other christian association and plan to attend .....(whatever it happens to be). I will work on her to ensure that it doesn't set off any alarms and perhaps we can keep it between us. Otherwise I'll do it anyway and the congregation can punish me however they see fit. I do not fear being disfellowshipped. I only want to maintain the relationship I've built up with immediate and extended family.
I remember about a year ago my wife saying she had to go to the meeting. The same idea popped into my head at the time trying to count the times she said she had to go. I even asked her, "you have to go, or you want to go?" She said, "Both."
I really don't care what her reasons are for going. There are some days where she doesn't go at all, and for no reason. She just doesn't go. And it's not like I get all excited that she isn't going, it's just beginning to be routine. I honestly feel that she goes simply for the association with her friends. That's probably good seeing that she doesn't have any worldly friends like I do. It would shock me beyond belief if she started to do things with worldly people on the side. If that ever happens, it will likely signal her preparing to get out.
