Advice on Separating & Divorce

by damselfly 18 Replies latest jw experiences

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  damselfly

  I have come out of it much stronger than I went into it though, and learned a lot.

  This was true for me as well.

  (((((((Jojochan))))))) It takes time to recharge, I'm sure you won't always feel that way.

  Dams
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  SickofLies

  I've been through a divorce, and my advice is don't have one. It was the worst expereince of my life and I hope to NEVER repet it again. If it can be avoided it should, view divorce as a last resort. I'm so serious divorce really really sucks. I mean really sucks. Its been two years and I still miss my ex sometimes, I almost married again on the rebound and thank God I didn't. Now I'm just trying to pace my self and not rush into another daster.
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  gumby

  For those NOT YET going through divorce....but are considering it.....

  I know of a situation in which the husband left the organisation and it tore the wife up so bad he thought it was over and that things would never be the same again. The wife turned cold and distant from him. He stuck it out untill the newness of his exiting wore off and they are still together.

  In other words....if the shit hits the fan resulting from one spouse exiting the borg and the other does not....don't think it's over to quickly.....things can and do change and some can spare their marriage when they thought it was hopeless.

  Gumby
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  unclebruce

  *edit because I can't spell*

  ooo I luv it when you talk durty damselfly,
  unlexic unc.

  Seriously though: Susan wanted us to split when going through a huge breakdown just after Renee was born (watchtower / kingdom hall induced I believe) Our girls were very young. I agreed but begged that we all stay together till Renee (the youngest) was 15. Well we did that and several years more with a lot of peace, love and fun times. Perhaps marriage contracts should be renegotiated every ten or twenty years.

  unclebruce
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  damselfly

  Perhaps marriage contracts should be renegotiated every ten or twenty years.

  That's interesting ~ many couples grow comfortable with each other and stop talking about the important stuff. A good sit down every few years to talk about what's working and not working?

  Dams
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  Seeking Knowledge

  None of it is easy....give yourself some time & don't do anything in the heat of the moment. Walk away, take stock of the situation & then decide how to react. It's not easy.

  Divorce is the end of something....give yourself time to grieve. Do something productive, get a hobby, join a club anything to introduce yourself to new things. (easier said than done sometimes) but don't sit around feeling sorry for yourself....or try not to anyway...

  DO allow yourself time to grieve. If this means locking yourself in your room & bawling your eyes out, so be it. DO IT. Don't hide the pain from yourself. DO try to keep your children (if any) away from this part tho. It's not easy on them in the first place. Write a letter to your ex and let it all out. Don't mail it....you'd be surprised how theraputic writing can be.

  It sucks, to be sure, but TIME will heal you. Get out & date when you are ready, don't rush it and don't marry someone else thinking that will make the pain go away as it won't.

  If your ex is a jerk...remember the opposite of love isn't hate..it's apathy....don't react!

  SK (of the been there still doing that class)

  (((jojochan)))Hang in there, it'll get better!
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  damselfly

  None of it is easy....give yourself some time & don't do anything in the heat of the moment. Walk away, take stock of the situation & then decide how to react. It's not easy.

  Get out & date when you are ready, don't rush it and don't marry someone else thinking that will make the pain go away as it won't.

  Very good advice I wish I had then.

  You don't want to rush into a new relationship dragging all the baggage from the last one. Take time to let yourself grow and develop.

  Dams
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  snarf

  I found reading alot of books on how to get over the realtionship helped, also music, I would make cd's, some filled with "hate music" if I was having a bad dayand some with "easy listening" for good days, and some with "old music" from my school age days to take me back to the memories before the ex came into the picture. Friends are very important during this time, and if you have kids, dive into their lives. Reassure them that you BOTH love them and use the extra time you have to do something with them, go to the park, take them swimming, see a movie. On the lawyer note, you want a lawyer that won't let you get screwed, but if raking the ex over the coals is not on your agenda, make sure you inform the lawyer that it is not your intention and you want to be fair.
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  snarf

  Oh yes, I forgot, make sure you take care of yourself, get a new hairdo, go to a day spa, buy a new outfit, take a trip. I took my daughter on a trip to Maine, got as far away as I could from Iowa and still be in the states, it was awesome. We reconnected, saw the ocean for the first time together, ate lunch on the beach and did whatever we wanted, she still talks about the trip, and for me, it made me realize I could enjoy the newly single life by taking those trips I always wanted to take, I truly felt free. Also, there is nothing wrong with using some good ole' medications to help "take the edge" off the trauma, you need your sleep and you still have to be able to cope with day to day life. I was prescribed some light anti-depressants and some sleep pills to help get through that time, and they really helped. There is nothing worse than being wide awake with emotions at 3 in the morning.