Life Outside the Witnesses (page 2)

snarf

I too married into a JW family like yourself, it was probably the most abusive and oppressive relationship I had ever been in. What makes me happy now, is knowing that I am secure and safe, no mind games or outrageous expectations, if I want to take an hour out of my day to drink coffe and read books, my fiance thinks it is great, he just wants me to take care of myself and be happy.I definately make WAy more than I did with the witnesses, because now I can REALLY work. I am a self-employed painter, so no more scheduling jobs around studies, meetings, or even lunches whenever someone was in the neighborhood. My work relationships have improved, I am more personable with people. The book that changed my life was "WHY DOES HE DO THAT? INSIDE THE MINDS OF ANGRY AND CONTROLLING MEN' BY LUNDY BANCROFT. When I did look for a new mate I followed the suggeestions and guidelines from the book, and basically looked for the exact opposite of my ex. I couldn't have asked for a better life. Aslo, I did research on religion and how it keeps abusers controlling in their relationships by using scripture, and how to break free, the thing I most found was , if your God is a loving God, do you really think God will be all that upset if you leave an abusive relationship to better the quality of yours and your childs life? God knows all and sees all. Great post!!!

jgnat

I hear you, sister. I used to see abusive relationships like that in my church. The men would pull up the scripture, "Obey me, woman!" forgetting that the sacred marriage vow required them to be loving and supportive at all times. I figure when a partner behaves like an animal, they've broken that sacred vow, and there is no obligation to remain in that bond. Does God prefer abuse over divorce?

As for my husband, he's a JW-alone, no relatives in. So in many ways I have the upper hand. He's mostly the one who suffers.

snarf

I bet in his mind though he feels as though he has the upper hand, he doesn't need his birth family, he has a NEW family in the truth....lol. I wish you success in your life.

jgnat

I bet you would laugh if you saw our doctrinal dance. He's a character, that's for sure.

diamondblue1974

What makes you happy now?

Being free to make decisions without feeling like I must consult or seek advice from people who are more often than not no more qualified than I.

In a typical week, what kind of community or social interactions do you engage in, and what percentage of your time does it take?

I get to choose what interaction I engage in rather than being stuck into a routine; I visit friends when I want to and go out to the pub or a restaurant without having to work round a very busy theocratic schedule; life is easier socially. Also too my friends do not judge me when I make mistakes and nor do they refuse to speak to me either. Thats not to say that they agree with everything I do or say but at least they are big enough and caring enough to stick by me through thick and thin.

Did your financial situation degrade or improve after leaving the society?

No word of a lie my financial situation improved drastically since I have been free to obtain an education; improve my employability and commit to a career without being made to feel guilty. I have learned that bringing praise to a creator is not about pushing literature but being the very best you can be in every aspect of your life; physically, emotionally, academically, and financially.

If you are single, what qualities do you look for in a date?

I am not single but the key things I looked for in a partner were honesty, intelligence, wicked sense of humour and a great pair of....sorry dwindled there a little; but the point I am highlighting is that you are able to consider every aspect of a person without having to use the WTS measuring stick in determining your choice of mate or date. i.e 'Must attend all meetings and out in field service each week...' these things are superficial in my view and are no replacement for the aforementioned.

If you have a partner, what are the most important principles you try and bring in to the relationship?

The most important principles I try to bring to the relationship with my wife are honesty intelligence and a sense of humour; within our home theres a sense of equality where each of us will take decisions together rather than having to be in subjection to the other.

If you have a family, what are the most important principles you try and instill in your children, as their parent?

We dont have children as yet but respect, trust, honesty and a sense of independence is paramount in our view.

What guides do you use for your personal moral compass, if any? (It could be a book, concept, religion or quote)

The golden rule is still prevalent...do unto others! Its about the only biblical aspect still remaining since leaving.

DB74

IP_SEC

What makes you happy now?
Being alive.
In a typical week, what kind of community or social interactions do you engage in, and what percentage of your time does it take?
None
Did your financial situation degrade or improve after leaving the society?
Same
If you are single, what qualities do you look for in a date?
N/A
If you have a partner, what are the most important principles you try and bring in to the relationship?
Independent thinking
If you have a family, what are the most important principles you try and instill in your children, as their parent?
N/A
What guides do you use for your personal moral compass, if any? (It could be a book, concept, religion or quote)
Do what thou whilt

jgnat

I see that there are a wide variety of responses, but independence and freedom rate high on your value list now.

What view would a regular witness have of these values? Would the variety intimidate them?

damselfly

If I told you how many dates I've been on in my life, you'd be shocked.

Well? I've got my shocked face ready ----->

Dams

jgnat

Five. BTTT for Dozy.

dozy

Hi JG- here is my response - I haven't had a lot of time to flesh out my answers:

1...What makes you happy now? Spending time with my family & friends.

2...In a typical week, what kind of community or social interactions do you engage in, and what percentage of your time does it take?

Depends how this is defined - my work involves community interaction & I have a good social life - so 30%

3...Did your financial situation degrade or improve after leaving the society?

Still a JW - financially secure.

4...If you are single, what qualities do you look for in a date?

Married - but GSOH , kind , not thinking too much of self , attractive , interesting (in no particular order). I dated “strong” pioneers before I was married , but they were the antithesis of what I would look for in a mate.

5...If you have a partner, what are the most important principles you try and bring in to the relationship?

Working as a team , emotional support , friendship , based on shared interest & good morals & fidelity.

6...If you have a family, what are the most important principles you try and instill in your children, as their parent?

To enjoy life , respect for others , avoid damaging lifestyles (drugs etc)

7...What guides do you use for your personal moral compass, if any? (It could be a book, concept, religion or quote)

Bible principles and overall moral framework as developed & taught by my parents .

Life Outside the Witnesses

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