I woke this AM screaming at the elder body

by xjwms 15 Replies latest jw friends

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  xjwms

  Now I am having nightmares with sharp words...to beat down those controling elders.

  Its all because of the Memorial. I just don't want to go.

  So I told my wife this morning how it is....and its not worth it for me to have nightmares fighting with the elders and planning an attack on them. That is one night I don't want to make a scene. My plan is to tell one of them how "corrupt" he is and his influence on the rest of the other elders.

  Do I need this kind of anxiety at this time?

  So she gave me an option........that she would go with me to the other hall meeting earlier. We are to go to the late one 9pm.

  What should I do? .... I did'nt think she would be so accommodating.......all I want is peace in my home.
• 

  candidlynuts

  if going to the earlier one will relieve some of your stress, then plan on that.

  its nice of your wife to give you that option.

  breathe.... i know how you feel.. fight or flight .. take it easy on yourself and confront the elders when you have a bit more control on your emotions. for your benefit.
• 

  Finally-Free

  That is one night I don't want to make a scene.

  I can understand not wanting to make a scene - I don't like to either. But once I beat down my natural shyness it can be quite enjoyable to make a scene, especially one that can be so theraputic. And you can enjoy the memories for many years to come! (like a food fight I once started in Sherway Gardens shopping mall)

  W
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  Genesis

  Fight or Flight behaviors is caused by lack of serotonin in your brain so too much dopamine is tranformed in adrenaline hence the stress and anxiety.
  
  Theres many way to reduce such defiency and asking a doctor would be useful. Another option is to take 5-HTP (its natural and available in any drugstore) for a month or 2 but dont forget to gather information before taking it.
  
  Just my two cents.
  
  Hope this help,
  
  Joff
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  Mary

  Its all because of the Memorial. I just don't want to go.

  If it's any consolation hon, I'm going this year too.........I would suggest you go to the later one........the bright side is that the Memorial talk is only 1/2 an hour........then they pass the bread and vino around. Going on the assumption that you're not gonna partake, you'll be out of there within an hour.
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  anewme

  Yeah, just go to the later one. You'll be fine. Its only a shortie anyway. They dont say much. Lots of gaps and silences in the service.
  
  It was great your wife heard you. Really heard you. The nightmares are a real indicator how upset you are. Thank goodness she is giving in to attending another service. She may not be at the space where she would ever consider NOT GOING at all. But I see progress!!!
  
  Alot of people in the hall are having real problems coping. Alot of them are on meds to keep calm and cheery but they are having doubts and being obedient is getting harder and harder to do as they are suffering financially and they are exhausted physically and emotionally.
  
  You are not alone.
  
  
  Continue to talk with your wife about your inabilities to cope with the whole JW scene.
  Many JWs would just say take meds rather than leave or miss meetings to gain relief.
  Its sad. But the real remedy is to leave and get away from the brainwashing meetings and control methods they use.
  
  Good luck sweetie. Hopefully your wife is one of the special ones who is able to see through everything clearly.
  
  
  Anewme
• 

  xjwms

  candidlynuts

  Thanks - ..... stress, sometimes I think I bring it on myself

  Finally-Free

  Theraputic, ... maybe I could control myself and through out one good comment.

  Genesis

  Not big on meds, .. I do herbs once in a while but thanks for your 2 cents.

  Mary

  one hour ....you're right. I should focuss on the short time.
• 

  xjwms

  anewme

  Thanks for the kind words......and it only is once a year and one hour.

  I'll drink as soon as I get home.
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  blondie

  Why do you have to go? What does she think it will accomplish to go to one meeting...does she think you will hear that special word from the platform that will draw you back to the love of Christ that is not there? Is she just worried about what people will think if you don't come, what they will say about her?

  Stay home and say you will listen to it on a phone hookup. Then just go watch TV.

  Blondie (who loves you and says we'll come party with you)
• 

  xjwms

  Blondie

  Thanks........You are always so kind, ... and ready to party.

  I have to think its a front. And maybe some hope that I am going through a phase. and that I'll return someday.

  I'll keep the peace,...go for an hour, .. and maybe, "just maybe" somebody will start some Sc#$% with me so I can say SEE, ..see..This is what I should put up with?

  I continue to plant seeds, small ones but, nontheless, keep planting.