Whatever phase this is....

by merfi 14 Replies latest jw experiences

  • merfi
    merfi

    ~sigh~ Hoping for a little bit of commiseration, or at the very least someone tell me this is normal and this too shall pass? I'm in SUCH a weird funk. I DA'd almost a month ago and truthfully, since then, I feel so much weight lifted. I can think, I can feel, I can research the crap out of wherever on the internet I want and when finally tired of that, I can read some more in CoC. In many ways, I'm the happiest I've been in over 15 years. I'm "me" again, or at least on the road to finding that person, no barriers.

    But I'm funky... I guess I *do* somewhat miss a few of the 'friends' at the KH. Maybe not so much the friends, but the 'something to do' & the social stuff -- lunch on my day off with a couple friend, out for a beer with another single sister, hellos in the hallway with a sister that works at the same hospital that I do, jeepin around with the elder's wife, talking football with the guys... All this I do miss and it does make me sad. Sad in the "I'm friggin LONELY!" way... My friends (worldly... the best, loyal kind) at work have been the most supportive, kindest, "c'mere and cry on my shoulder" kind that I've known and loved (unconditionally, I might add) ALSO for the past 15 years (when I moved to this town & started work here). Interesting who turned out to be the truer friends out of the JW vs Wordlings.

    I went to BS tonight cuz I'm still in the process of weaning my kids off the poisonous milk at the KH. That sorta messed with my head a little bit. I hadn't been back to a meeting since leaving early on March 9th before my DA announcement. Actually -- I went just this past Thurs and that was weird, also. But for some reason, tonight bugged the crap out of me. I mostly spaced the study (kept thinking "read and reapeat" as I'd read here and thought it totally fit), heard every canned phrase louder than life ("helps us to appreciate" blah blah) -- I think I could see a small "TM" after every phrase that was zombie-speak. LOL You bunch of corruptors, you! (thank you. ) It took a bit of strength to NOT jump up and say "this is all BULLSHIT!" and run out the door... As it was, my 10yo looked at me funny when I sniffed at some stupid remark or another. The elder conducting was one on my JC -- one that I wrote the scathing DA letter to. So it was close to panic-attack feeling just to be in the same room as him. I just hate this -- I want to be able to walk away. But I can't. Yet. I'm working on the kids and actually making some great headway. The girls (12 and 10) and I had a great conversation last Thurs -- about the organ transplant changes and the unfairness of the outcomes for those who either took them and were DF or didn't take them and died... More to it, but I know I got them thinking. They're smart kids, I am still in goddess position for awhile yet so they eat and breathe what I tell them. So I have hope that they will have their own 'new light' in time.

    But back to me... cuz this is about me... :) So I'm in this phase of "no friends" and it sucks. You guys all here have been wonderful, even if you don't know it. I've spent hours reading. (huh, ok, maybe THAT is why I have no IRL friends...LOL) This past weekend -- on my butt at the computer, msn-ing my brother, downloading music and reading JWD, freeminds etc. My work friends, although awesome and supportive, are all... older... than me, OR have families or SOs. So not quite enough in common to do stuff with. Gawd, I sound whiney... I know, I need to just go seeking... 15 years of having "instant friends" and a social circle, suddenly ending -- I have no idea how to do this.

    /whine off

    Thanks for listening.

    ~merfi

  • candidlynuts
    candidlynuts

    hugs merfi!

    my advice.. dont be in such a hurry, friends and social life will come. take this time to rediscover yourself and breathe. you also have your kids to think about and that'll be a lot of work.. thank goodness your tackling this now and not in 5 yrs when they'd both be pain in the butt teenagers!

    (no offense to teens.... you know its true lol we were all pain in the butt teens at one time)

    i've been away totally for 5 yrs. and i now have a few good friends and 5 yrs ago i would have turned my nose up at some of these people.. ya know what? i would have missed the most real friendships i've ever had in my life. just keep your eyes and heart open, it'll happen.

  • Carmel
    Carmel

    Hey don't be too hard on yourself. Things take time and you've made a huge change in your life circumstances. I was just thinking this past weekend when I was at a bingo party arranged for a local skateboard park fundraiser..this is where I would be if I were single and looking for new friends. The place was packed with people of all ages, some real hotties, and hunks, and everyone having a great time to benefit a good cause. You might look in the paper and see what's going on in town for fund raisers and volunteer. Your kids might even enjoy going along, specially on a meetin night!!

    You'll be fine!

    carmel

  • truthfullyspeaking
    truthfullyspeaking

    I'm sorry, to hear all of this from you Merfi... soften your heart...don't burn your bridges.....

  • evita
    evita

    Hi merfi
    You're doing great! Leaving a cult is not for the faint of heart. For many, the most difficult time is right after making the big break. The loneliness and uncertainty can be overwhelming. But it does get better and you will be amazed at your ability to heal and move on.
    Hugs,
    Eva

  • AuldSoul
    AuldSoul

    A hard thing is coming to accept, thoroughly accept, that "worldly" people are not the evil beasts JWs make them out to be. True, in my experience non-JWs tend to be more evidently themselves (warts and all), but JWs are no different inside, they only show different faces to the world.

    Once that gets through you aren't going to be uncomfortable doing things with them.

    Just remember, "This too shall pass."

    Respectfully,
    AuldSoul

  • Lo-ru-hamah
    Lo-ru-hamah

    I know what you mean. It is difficult leaving the only thing you have ever known and trying to start over. You have no life long friendships to fall back on and it makes you feel "Funky". Not as though you really had friends while in the borg but it kept you busy. You sound like you have two wonderful children take this time to learn to enjoy them as you never have gotten to. My family has started to do more activities as a family, ie bicycle riding, walks, going to the park, etc. It is really nice spending more time with them in a positive place. I hope you feel better soon. Enjoy your new found freedom.

    Loruhamah

  • looking_glass
    looking_glass

    Merfi:

    My heart goes out to you.

    But this too shall pass (like gas). Now you can think outside the box (or Tower which ever fits here).

  • freedomlover
    freedomlover

    oh man merfi - I can so relate to the "funk" you get into from time to time.

    I still have moments of it now and then but those moments are fewer and far between nowadays.

    Give it time. Just ride this wave and let yourself be "funky" if that's what you need. You are grieving essentially and that takes time to deal with.

    Going to those meetings is probably what sent you into this mood. Hopefully you won't have to take the kids too much longer. What if you planned something fun as a family on meeting nights? I know the kids would quickly get over going to meetings if they started doing something fun and built a new social network.

    -freedomlover

  • mrsjones5
    mrsjones5

    Nice to meet you Merfi....you're doing fine. Time is the healer. Keep up the good work and burn those bridges baby!

    Josie

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