Need marriage help

els

I am reposting the major part of another thread "need computer help" because I am really looking for advice a situation with my husband. I need to know if I am crazy to be worried. So here it is.... OK, since I seem to be getting responses from guys and there's no way anyone I know will see this,I will tell you the story. The quick version of our life is both JW's, married 27 years, two kids, fed up with everything about the truth, stopped attending 20 years ago but not shunned by my family till 3 yrs ago. His family, not witnesses. Great marriage, hardly ever fight, great sex, good kids who are not at home any more. I know it's cliched but he's my best friend, my lover, my rock. Last fall I sat down at the computer without realizing that it was his desktop that was open. I clicked on what I thought were my bookmarks and his popped up. There were several that were XXX so I looked. Can you blame me? Most wre pretty standard and it's not that I care, we're not exactly prudes, but one was a SMBD site that was pretty out there, way beyond anything we've tried or even talked about. So I looked around. Well you can post on this site and there was a man posting on it "looking for a woman or women to learn with" , that he wanted someone willing to explore and that he didn't have anyone to share his desire with. Well it was my husband right down to his education, volunteer work and music preferences. You can imagine my reaction, but I wanted to know if it was real or just a fantasy, you know bullshitting on the web. So I set up a an account on the site with a made up name and profile and I started messaging him that I was interested. I took it as far as getting him to say that he would be interested in meeting me before I cracked and confronted him. Probably I should have finished it and aranged a meeting but that would have taken another week at least and I couldn't fake it anymore. Well I'll spare you all the details but he said he didn't think he would have actually met me (her), and he was just curious and being stupid. and that seeing how devastated I was made him realize how much I meant to him. So after a lot of talking and crying and make up sex, we worked it out. We decided to try some new things, which we did, but nothing extreme. and eventually the whole thing kind of disappeared and things have been back to normal with what I thought was a new closness between us. And for a while he wasn't looking at porn sites because I asked him not to but eventually I told him I didn't really care as long as I got the benefit from it. So yesterday I used his laptop cause it's way better than our old computer and I looked at the history for something and discovered that he is looking at bondage sites again. Now I have no reason to believe that he is looking for someone else, everything has seemed fine, but if it is, why doesn't he approach this subject with me. I have indicated to him that I am willing to experiment but we really haven't. OK, Guys and Ladies too if you're reading this, what do you think? Should I worry about this? He has 2 days a week when I am working from about 9 to 4 that he is at home. He is heavily involved in the fire department and is taking college classes 2 evenings a week, so I don't think he has the time to do much but you never know. I really haven't gotten any weird feelings or anything but I need to know what is going on. els IP: i5ZGtgnojGzpVJrY

Justitia Themis

His actions are leaving you uncomfortable and confused enough to post the story on a discussion board. Is that how you want to live?

You thought you had a close relationship before, but, it proved not to be so. Will you ever know how things are between you two? Or, will you constantly wonder...

candidlynuts

tie him up , clamp his nipples, lube up a butt plug and smack his behind.. when he hollers why you doing this , tell him you found his website preferences and thought thats what he wanted lol.. that'll teach him!! (gawd i'm mean)

i wouldnt worry too much if its just a viewing site and not a " hook up" site. just keep the communication open and if he misbehaves, dont use the lube! bahahahaha!!

AuntieJane

Yikes poor girl. You must feel betrayed again. If everything else is really as good as you say it is;

I think the best thing to do is let him know you found out again. Then proceed to call a marriage counselor

and get some counselling in the matter. Obviously, what you thought was working is not. He is not being

upfront with you. What concerns me, besides the S&M and bondage stuff...(to each his own I guess) is his

dishonesty, hiding it. He needs to face reality; don't let him put any blame on you either. I'd tell him I am

calling a marriage counselor. If you do have such a solid bond as you think, you both will only grow from the

experience. Otherwise, be prepared for this wedge to grow wider. Just my 2Cents. Good luck.

els

nuts, Oh my god that's the first time I've laughed all night. That's probably the attitude I should take. Thank you! els

CaptainSchmideo

I'm not trying to make light of this situation, but the first part of your post sounded like an x-rated version of "The Pina Colada Song"

"If you like PVC Costumes,

Getting stropped with a chain,

if strangulation is like yoga,

if you are into pain.

If you like getting on at midnite,

With some leather and some tape,

I'm the one that you've looked for,

And we'll stage our own "rape". "

Wow! Talk about so BUSTED!

looking_glass

I agree w/ candidlynuts (and I laughed pretty hard at the response). Depending on the role playing, bondage can be an act of power or control or it can be giving up power or control. He may not want to role play with you because of your relationship. He very well may be happy with his sex life with you and that is why he may not want to engage in bondage. You may want to look into the subject and see what you can do to take the first step in role playing (that is if you feel comfortable with it). Also, it may just be a fantasy that he has and it is true, some men like the fantasy more then the reality. As the saying goes "some times a spoon is just a spoon". He may be telling you the truth. But the fact that you are having to bring it up on a message board, leads me to believe that you are troubled my several different things. And if your relationship is as you have said it is, you should be able to address the issue with him in a non threatening way.

nelly136

tie him up , clamp his nipples, lube up a butt plug and smack his behind.. when he hollers why you doing this , tell him you found his website preferences and thought thats what he wanted lol.. that'll teach him!! (gawd i'm mean)

or

tie him up , clamp his nipples, lube up a butt plug and smack his behind.. ............... then leave him tied up and go get some retail therapy for a couple of hours.

Dr Jekyll

Els

I see you're problem now and while i dont approve of people spying on their partners I do understand your desire to do something like this.

If you want I can teach you how to block those bondage sites on your husbands laptop. He wont be aware they are being blocked and to all intents and purposes it will just look like those sites have gone down.

Unfortunately it will mean you'll have to update this file every time he discovers a new site though.

What computer Os is he using? win98, windows millennium or windows xp... or is he on a MAC

sass_my_frass

I'm still thinking: the less covert the better. Don't add to any mystery or dishonesty. We're 'talk it all out' people, but I've no idea how well that works for other people. I do believe in trust though; and if you use dubious methods, it justifies him doing the same. Dishonesty breeds.

Need marriage help

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