When Will I Not Be Considered Disfellowshipped Among the Congregation? (page 2)

garybuss

Welcome! You wrote: Someone explain to me please.None of your issues with your mother or your relatives has anything to do with Jehovah's Witnesses or religion. It's all has to do with your relatives. Your relatives are mean, rejecting, controlling, unloving people.

I needed help understanding why I was drawn to people who were mean to me and who rejected me. Once that was resolved, I asked my relatives if they were interested in a healthy relationship with me. If they said anything else but "Yes", I drew a line through their name and moved on. I don't contact people who are unfriendly towards me or towards anyone important to me.

My parents don't accept me. I don't want to change them. I don't want to change their religion so they will change and accept me (maybe). I don't want to change me so they will (maybe) accept me. I want me to accept them not accepting me, and move on. That's worked well. They have not contacted me in 12 or 13 years. That's fine with me. That's their choice. I can't change that.

I don't respect them because they are not respectable. I don't love them because of their own choices, they are unlovable. They're like neighbors who moved away and never contacted me again.

I have a full life with friends and family. I don't have time for all my good deals.

Life is a little like a grocery cart. If I roll the cart through the market and I just put lemons in the cart, at the checkout lane, all I'm gonna have is a cart full of lemons. You're letting someone else fill your cart but you're not liking what they are puttin in there. Ya gotta quit that. You don't let people fill your shopping cart at the market, don't let them fill your life cart either. I just want good friends, kind people, and happy days in my life cart. It's up to me to put them there.

Dismembered

That is what burns me up. Nevertheless, I guess I will continue to be labeled the big "D". Thanks

That's exactly right. The passing of time will never negate the label they gave you oh so many years ago.

Dismembered

opr83

If you are asking when the congregation will consider you (or your mother for that matter) reinstated, you will wait a long time, provided that the Elders of whatever congregation have not "condesended" to reinstate you. Rather, you need to realize that it is Jehovah that accepts repentance through his Son, not the body of elders. Imagine for a moment that we have the abilty to be in the presence of God. We have sinned, and have had a bad attitude toward that sin. But, on reflection, we repent and no longer carry out that sin. We have "repented and turned around." How long, do you think, does Jehovah withhold his forgiveness? A Day, a week, a month, a certain timeframe? The answer has to be, "as soon as we repent and turn around, Jehovah extends his forgiveness". It is instantaneous, not some long, drawn out process.

Try to educate your mom, or your brother about what the bible actually teaches regarding God's forgiveness. Perhaps they will accept it, perhaps not. In any case, do not torment yourself by thinking that God has not forgiven you if you are truly repentant. It is that question that you have to examine for yourself. If you want to be reinstated for your family's sake, you should by all means consider it. But, if it is being right with Jehovah, don't take man's laws and concepts as the final word.

NYCkid

Thanks for sharing your personal story, you've been through a lot. Legolas is correct in terms of what you need to do logistically in order to become reinstated. If you really want to become reinstated, then speak to at least one Elder and let him know and hopefully he will guide you regarding the steps you need to take.

Frankly however, I think you're better off enjoying your life with your new husband and bidding a fond (or not so fond from what you've described) farewall to your JW past. If I may be so bold as to suggest that it appears you are really trying to gain the approval of your mother, which is a natural desire. Unfortunately with JW parents, we really cannot make them happy unless we are active JWs. Nothing else we can do will be good enough unless we are "serving Jehovah."

The past few years, the relationship with my mother has been on again off again due to the fact that I am disfellowshipped. She outright told me that Jehovah comes first to her before her own family. It was at that point that I realized what I was dealing with and became better equipped manage our relationship on my terms.

The important thing to remember is that your life is your life and the person you need to please most is yourself, then your husband, etc. If your mother or your religion for that matter, cannot accept you for who you are, then you need to accept that and deal with it as best as possible, then move on with your life.

I hope things work out for you and you find true peace and happiness.

Best regards,
NYCkid

DannyHaszard

"if my family has any contact with me they will be justifying my ungodly lifestyle"

Ring a bell? It's not from the JW's it's an excerpt form the discovery channel documentary on 'doomsday cults' describing the practice of the Roberts group a disturbing cult.
See all cults like JW's have a shunning shame device to control members.. To be treated like a man of the nations (gentile) or as a tax collector does not mean that i am viewed as 'dead' by my mother.
Everything about the WT's shunning protocol is twisted and demonic.

Lady Liberty

Dear Welcome to the board!!

L.L.

cuetec06

I understand where you are coming from, I myself am dissfelowshipped for going outside the marriage. But my case was diffrent, my exwife and I had arranged to see other people, so actually i wasnt cheating on her. she knew who I was seeing and knew that a divorce was eminent. The elders talked to me and I said I didnt want to be with her anymore, the asked why, so I explained we got married too young and changed. They treated her with the upmost royalty, becasue they didnt know she was seeing someone else too. I wasnt about to tell on her, it was my problem someone saw me with my now wife. In our case, you have to REPENT from what you have done. Meaning going to the meetings. Prefferably all of THEM. If you cant make one call the appointed elder. This has to be something you REALLY want to do. I let the congregation get to me, and said they were only out to get me. I dont know if I was right or not. But I moved away to a diffrent congrgation to start new. Thats something if you want to consider doing. Go where no one knows you. And about the ones who are inside and doing bad things? My wife and I are what you call SWINGERS, and found 2 couples that are JW's at a swinger convention. But like all things bad things happen to good people, the bad meaning getting caught or getting punished. The good Jehovah sees your potential and still wants you. I admit He is forgiving even if we are not.-

Poztate

Gumby...oh, pay no attention to unclebruce. He's been run over by an eighteen wheeler more than once....and ALL 18 tires got em!

Plus the Spare.............

I just want good friends, kind people, and happy days in my life cart. It's up to me to put them there.

I like that comment Gary.It is so very true.We have to take control of our own life and not worry about pleasing members of a mind controlling cult (family or not)

love2Bworldly

Do you really care what those quacks think of you? There is nothing you can do about it. I was reinstated and then faded, but any JWs who see me out in public are still shunning me and pretend they don't know me.

juni

Welcome to the board.

You had mentioned about writing to the Society. In my situation, I did write about something that was bothering me. I never heard from them, but they did send out the cong. elders to call on me. They had the original letter. I felt soooo betrayed as my letter was directed to the GB.

We went around in circles and they shrugged their shoulders. No answer to my questions - just what I had suspected would be the answer. It was only more frustrating. Then they left.

Juni

When Will I Not Be Considered Disfellowshipped Among the Congregation?

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