I have never been in a real relationship and I'm 22. I'm a mature person though, but I have almost no social life since I'm still living at home. Come to think of it, life has been pretty lonely for as long as I can remember. In other words, yes this religion has wrecked my social life, but I am a fairly mature person. At least, I know I'm alot better than alot of others my age.
JWs and relationship immaturity?
by jstalin 22 Replies latest jw friends
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sass_my_frass
Yeah, it's the dating thing, it screws them up. I became confused by the messages like 'singleness is a privilege' and 'we must make the most of these Last Days' and 'eye contact with somebody of the opposite sex leads to fornication' and 'women are really only any good for going out on field service, looking after the home and raising children (although the silly things ought to know that they shouldn't be wanting to do so in these Last Days)'. Meantime at school the messages went 'women can do anything they bloody well want thanks mate' and I was showing talent in research and public speaking; skills I'd never use in The Truth.
The potential marriage mates became less interesting as the time went by, because I had the feeling that I'd eventually not be the JW wife they'd want me to be. There were Bad Boys, but they were more trouble than the guys at work or college, I could just smell it. It was pretty depressing, and the longer I submitted to the rules, the more I resented them, and the less true The Truth became to me. My future of apparent singleness was the major driving factor in my leaving, in the end.
I fear for those sweet but simple JW kids who think that spirituality is the most important compatibility factor, because they are yet to learn that it's not a lifetime constant. A couple of JW girlfriends considered a brother's 'spiritual' potential to be the most important thing to them, and I fear that they will get what they wish for; a lifetime of indentured service to an uninspiring janitor who thinks that his being out of the house five nights a week on congregation matters is more important than their marriage. One day, each of them will have to face their marriage, once bonded by a 'three-fold cord' (yawn), challenged by one of the cords breaking. If the most important thing to them is Jehovah, the third cord, their marriage cannot last when his cult fails them.
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looking_glass
Or alternatively he comes from an unhappy home with unhappy married parents, regardless of the religion, and is not quick to jump into a bad situation. It is zero to sixty in two seconds when it comes to dating and marriage for JW kids.
But I pretty much agree w/ Jekyll - sounds like the guy is just shy.
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Highlander
I truly believe that the j-dub religion emasculates men. As a dub I felt completely intimidated by women and had such a difficult time trying to start or maintain a relationship.
At first I thought that maybe I was just shy, but I was never intimidated by other guys or older people. Later in life I realized what a pussy I was. I had no backbone, no self respect.
When I was fully indoctrinated in this cult, I always spoke in this soft spoken, weak sounding voice. It took me years to realize that I'm a man, I need to sound like one.
This ofcourse doesn't mean that I should act rude or overbearing,, but I had to learn how to speak with confidence and self respect. I see this same quality in my brother and with other
guys at the hall, especially when they comment during the meeting. I swear that they sound very feminine or even gay when they make their comments during the meeting.
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looking_glass
Highlander that doesn't make sense about men being chickified in the "truth". Considering a woman has NO say and is a second class citzen, why were you throw off by them. Listen growing up in my area if you were male and a JW it did not matter what you looked like, whether you were educated or not, or held a job, if you were a guy and a baptized JW the girls were all over you (well in as much as JW chicks can be over guys) because the pick'ns were slim. Baptized JW guys here in the States are like gold, rare because it is primarily filled with either old men who are already married or women/girls. That is why you see 50 year old men getting hitched to 22 year old girls and everyone is like "ohhh how sweet they found eachother." While the rest of us are like sorry its like the guy is loaded or attractive, so she is obviously desparate or her mother sold her for a bag of magic beans, I don't know.
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sass_my_frass
Hmm, I can agree with brothers not being allowed to be men.... they were 'respected' and 'the head of the house', but I can think of, let's see, one, of the many brothers I was mates with, who I'd have considered man enough to want to get to know. It's possible that feminism is influencing sisters making them tougher, but the only behavioural advice for brothers is 'do more, be spiritual, blah blah...'
Not to say that there weren't some total jackasses.
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Dr Jekyll
Sass said
There were Bad Boys, but they were more trouble than the guys at work or college, I could just smell it.
*Checks and sniffs armpits*
Thinking about this guy and how he'd come out with a phrase like "there were some hot chicks at the motorshow" and then go bright red and clam up. He could just be shy, he could be immature but his behaviour could also be down to him being a dub. Dubs aren't suppose to go around eyeing up girls let alone coming out with "worldly" comments about them. At his age if I had made that comment about girls I would have been hauled into the library by my ears and bawled out about being worldly. He slipped up, made a worldly comment and then realised what he'd done and then felt embarrassed
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jstalin
When I was fully indoctrinated in this cult, I always spoke in this soft spoken, weak sounding voice. ; It took me years to realize that I'm a man, I need to sound like one
Wow... my friend does exactly that. He doesn't use his adam's apple... he talks in this sort of attenuated voice. Weird.
Y'all might be right.. he could just be shy, but he really needs to just get out and get himself diddled!
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Highlander
Considering a woman has NO say and is a second class citzen, why were you throw off by them.
I'd like to take that one step further. I believe that both men and women are treated as second class citizens in the 'truth'(lie)
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wednesday
js
it occured to me he might be testing the waters with you- does he know you are gay? if not he may be trying to confirm a suspicion.