Depression and disassociation

by lily of the valley 22 Replies latest watchtower medical

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  Lady Lee

  Lily

  You have already been given some good info. If your husband has a doctor or therapist he needs to see him. There are some good internet therapy sites but it is always perferable to have in-person counseling. And from what you describe, that would most definitely be the best route to go.

  But ultimately you can't force him to do anything. But it might be advisable for you to find some support. Check to see if there are some AA-type groups. Al-anon might actually be helpful.

  Lily ~You might find this link to be of some use. I'm not sure if it's our Lady Lee or not.

  http://lee_hardiman.tripod.com/home.html

  Yes that is my website
• 

  serendipity

  Hi lily, welcome to the forum! And thanks for the reminder. When we offer advice here, we need to remember there could be fragile humans on the other side of the bit stream.
• 

  Fleur

  Welcome, Lily!

  I am wondering, were you ever a JW?

  If not, please know that there is a very specific kind of pain that comes from leaving this organization (or any cult) and if you haven't experienced it, once you find people who have and can understand you, it does become an obsession for some time. I remember when I couldn't go a day without visiting here, in the time since I'm more healed I have gone almost a year, I'd guesstimate.

  It's like having served together in war. I do not think that is at all an overstatement, because of the fact that people are dying every day, by their own hands, and also by the rules of this publishing company cloaked in religious smoke and mirrors.

  Please don't judge those of us here unless you've walked in our shoes...I don't think anyone here tries to represent themselves as if they have professional experience or can stand in stead of a real life psychiatrist. Believe me no one is more concious here of those who are fragile and those who lurk than I am. I am sorry your husband is having a hard time, but please try to be understanding of our need to vent here, and realize that this is definitely a form of therapy, and in any group therapy situation you would have people expressing thoughts that may disturb you. Any 12 step group, the same thing. It's an open internet forum, and if it's causing that much turmoil in your lives than he definitely needs to talk to a professional about it, and so do you.

  If it's making life that hard on you, perhaps and your husband should get some counseling together so that you can support him as he makes this difficult transition in his life from jw bondage to freedom? If you haven't been there, you can't know how hard it is to break free. Some don't find their way out alive.

  If it's just an annoyance that you can't use the computer because he spends a lot of time here, perhaps you should get him a laptop for his next birthday, or ask for one for yours.

  I wish you, and your husband, peace.

  Essie
• 

  rebel8

  Dams, that was nice of you to endorse me.

  Lily, I used to work in psychotherapy & left the field a few yrs ago. Last yr my state implemented licensure which I have not pursued, so I am unlicensed. FYI

  I would be glad to help with info though. The biggest thing with Bipolar (which you probably know) is prevention....staying on meds & seeing a qualified therapist at regular intervals so mood swings are interrupted before they get too severe (when/if possible). Sounds like your husband's moods aren't being controlled too well. Is he seeing an actual psychiatrist or another type of physician? He should see an actual psychiatrist if he can. They are much more knowledgeable about managing Bipolar.

  I've seen some posts over the year I've been on JWD and for the most part the other posters handle it very well--with kindness and wisdom. If your husband is going to be on the internet excessively when he's manic, this is probably one of the best sites to be on, IMO.

  PM me if I can help you.

  Oh, P.S.--Here is a compilation of my work with JWs back when I used to be a mental health professional: www.lulu.com/ex-jw
• 

  stolenyouth

  (Lily of the Valley )Thanks to everyone and yes, I did read the info at the sites provided.

  And yes, I do understand to a certain extent being an ex JW myself. By that I mean I am an ex JW not a wannabe ex JW. That is I made a rational, spiritual and emotional decision that I am not a JW anymore. It is not a matter of semantics and obfuscation. You either believe or you don't, and you must endure the consequences which ever applies. You don't get extra Brownie points in life by maintaining you were tricked or duped - it won't undo anything. If telling your story will help others then that is a good by product of living the life you had and the life you now have. But when all is said and done it is your life.

  Leaving is not an easy thing, on many levels, as you all know. But it was done and therefore, I find it difficult to comprehend the endless arguments over doctrine or small victories - they seem to mean that the " not a JW but can't stop talking and thinking about it obsession" simply means you are not willing to let go and admit that even if you were "coerced" into becoming a JW as a child, and by social and family pressure to remain a JW as an adult, you are now an adult and being an adult can mean making some very hard and painful decisions.

  My parents became witnesses because they were prime targets - vulnerable migrants in an unfriendly , strange new land. They were needy. They were preyed upon as such but were damn glad of it. That was their emotional crutch. I may have my own emotional crutches too. If the person I was speaking about does not wish to move on ( after 20 years!!? ) and do something with his life for whatever reasons well I guess he is making his "adult decision". But it seems an awfully negative crutch and a wasteful one when he has family and friends but ignores them to the expense of his reminiscing his "lost" life. If they were Glory Days to be relived, regurgitated, reinvented in every possible permutation then heaven help us. It is this aspect of the discusion board which can hinder and not help.

  I don't believe I am not being empathetic enough.
• 

  serendipity

  Hi stolenyouth,

  welcome to the forum!
• 

  Frog

  hi stolenyouth,

  After seeing another of your PM's I thought I should have a look at a history of your other posts, to try and understand where you're coming from a little better...

  I appreciate all that you've said above, and I understand where you're coming from, but it seems to me, (and perhaps my opinion counts for nothing) that each and everyone of us effected very differently by our experiences in the org. I for one have 6 siblings each of whom have responsed very differenty to their life growing up a witness. For some it constitutes a large part of who they are and where they've come from, I know this is most definitely the case with me. While I agree that it's important to let go and move on as much as possible, I don't believe that it's something that can be forced, but rather each must move at their own pace. To try and force the issue would surely only end up in further alienation, but then, what would I know...

  I wish you all the best darl, but I do hope for your sake that if hanging around JWD causes you as much personal frustration as seems to be expressed in our posts, then maybe for your own sake it's not worth it for you. If on the other hand if it leads to a better understanding of the person to whom you refer, then all well and good.

  frog x
• 

  stolenyouth

  Hi frog, the person to whom I refer causes me frustration not hanging around the board.

  Also having moderators email said person privately to let him know I posted about him really frustrates me because 1) the posting was done in a name he knows to be me deliberatley to communicate with him in the only media he responds to 2) it is a very silly thing to get involved in someone else's marriage 3) it is an abuse of trust to not respond to a message by me to me but run off tattling and telling tales about things which they have no idea and I mean no idea, to someone they don't know sweet fa about.

  Growing up as a JW did not do his head in, having a physically abusive parent and very very very dysfunctional family did. They no doubt became JWs in a desperate ploy to fix their family life. As long as he tells himself it is the JW thing messing up his life he doesn't deal with real problems. It is not a healing strategy it is an avoidance strategy. It is this fantasy life indulged in by said person, whilst interacting with other members such as yourself, thereby making you and others complicit in said fantasy life, that increases my angst. Having the very raw hurt of my father's recent death discussed on an open forum by said person hurts like hell. It is not all harmless fun and giggles.

  As the board is an open forum and is being used as such for flirtation, lewd humour, some forms of wallowing in other people's pain for the entertainment? titillation? of members, in addition to what ever else is being discussed, I felt free to add my two cents worth. My comments were appropriate given that that act was the subject of at least a dozen posts if not the topic. And being an English speaker I am aware that in some instances the word I used may cause offence - given the topic that word was appropriate for the context in fact, that word was the context. If my husband wishes to make any public comments about my sex life than I surely have a right of reply. Its called discussion.
• 

  Fleur

  Also having moderators email said person privately to let him know I posted about him really frustrates me because 1) the posting was done in a name he knows to be me deliberatley to communicate with him in the only media he responds to 2)

  Gee, I don't know, but it seems to me if you're discussing your marital problems on a public message board with your mate instead of talking to him in person, I think the problems there are beyond the ability of anyone on the forum to be of any help with, and I'm bowing out of this thread, bigtime. Bringing your problems to the forum like that seem to just be a way of trying to embarrass your mate or fan the flames of the arguements. I've been married, divorced, remarried, and have stayed quite happily so for almost a decade and I cannot imagine doing that to my husband on a forum he frequents. If my mate did that to me, i'd be horrified.

  I recommend marriage councelling, sincerely. Good luck.

  essie
• 

  Frog

  Dear SY,

  I'm terribly sorry to hear about the recent loss of your father, I wasn't aware of that. No doubt you must be going through an intense period of grief right now, and are in much need of support. I am extremely close with my father these days, and I frequently think on how hard it would be to lose him. There's are probaby many things I could say in response to your post, but I fear that anything I do say could be miscontrued as interfering in your marriage affairs, something I know nothing about, or have experience in.

  You did you though mention that you believe that posters such as myself are complicit in induging the false realities of others on this forum, which is a point I have to largely disagree with, and I will explain why. I likewise came from a very abusive and highly disfunctional witness family, whose parents were attracted to the org in an attempt to magically solve all their ails, and have come to the conclusion that this factor has played an equal part in my residual issues. However, there are quite a number of us from similar backgrounds on JWD, who were raised in similarly lethal home environments. I think it is fair to say that it is impossible to separate the 2 issues once they intersect, as they play off eachother. And while I realise this may be difficult for you to hear, as cleary you and your family have your needs as well, that older long-term posters provide an essential support base for this forum, without them I don't believe this forum would exist as the thriving metropolis that it is. There are a number of such posters who are highly valued for their continued contributions. I appreciate though that this fact may be difficult to accept if you felt that others needs closer to home were being sacrificed in the process.

  I do agree though that internet based modes of communications are not without their many failings, and it is true there is a great deal of fluff discussed that some do find offensive. It is also my opinon though that such matters are essential for deriving a balance on this discussion board, as I've learnt that if you don't learn to laugh about things you'll spend far too much time crying. I also think they serve a useful purpose in prompting newly left ones to search out their own feelings on issues, especially moral ones, that were once passively dictated to them.

  Well honey I do hope that you soon find some mentalpeace from such thoughts that are clearly distressing and causing you much frustration and grief. Perhaps in 20years I will look back and think to myself what rott I spoke back then, and who was I to comment, but until such a time comes I can only stand by what I've said here and now as it was meant sincerely and without bias.

  luv frog x