Thanks everybody for your really positive messages!
In answer to some of your questions. Someone asked how I came out of the witnesses by myself. I never got disfellowshipped, in fact I was still a reg pioneer when I stopped. I'd missed quite a few meetings due to illness, but would always get the tapes of the meetings. A few people's attitudes caused me to question it all. And that while I was ill, not one witness came to visit me, yet all my work friends were concerned, and I'd never even been out with any of them before, due to 'bad assoc' and all that.
One day while on ministry on my own, I was walking down this really long road, where I always saw at least one witness, cos a lot of JW's lived in that area. I was feeling really shitty, and I was praying like I always did. I said, look Jehovah, I've never asked you for anything, and I've always done what was right, I've dedicated my whole life to you, yet I'm always alone, no-one ever supports me. I visit, and encourage other 'low' witnesses, and help the younger ones, and spend up to 12 hours in a day on the ministry by foot. I asked that at least maybe one witness would drive past and wave and that would show me that he cared and I was doing the right thing. Well it didn't happen, and I started to feel guilty for 'testing' God. So I asked that a witness drove past, and they didn't need to wave, no-one did. So I changed it to a green car driving past, bearing in mind this is the busiest road in town, and I'd never walked down it before without seeing a witness. No green car passed me either, I started to think this was weird. So I asked for a red car, and I gave it 3 minutes!! How common a colour is Red, normally every other car you see is red. Not one red car passed. This really freaked me out. Amongst other things happening, I just stopped going. I went for a night out with friends from work, and had the most amazing time ever, I went to a nightclub for the 1st time, and didn't get back till 5am. I didn't get drunk, or do anything else a witness shouldn't do. The next day my mum told me I had untill the next day to move out. She knew I'd been made redundant from work, and I had no savings. So with no money, no home, and no friends, cos I'd never made any proper friends yet from work, I was out. I went to work the next day crying, and this guy who'd fancied me for ages, said I could stay in his spare room, till I sorted myself out. I ended up making some brilliant friends, eventually got another job and everything started getting better and better!
A few years later, I was feeling a bit low again, and for the first time since leaving the religion I prayed to God or whoever was out there. I was walking to work and I said if there is anyone there that cared, please answer me. I said if you care and I'm on the right path in life then please make a red car drive out from that small road. I could see between 2 houses a very narrow road, which had no traffic coming from it. I stood still and watched the road, of which I could only see the exit as it lead into the main road. What happened next will stay with me for the rest of my life. I thought I'd wait for ages for a red car to drive out. But straight away a red car drove out, then another one right after it, then another one, eventually I realised 7 red cars drove out of that narrow road!!! This made me cry and feel very happy and loved! I later found out, that this road was in fact a drive through to a very small car park that was just for the people who lived in flats there. How weird that they should all have red cars, and they all drove out at the same time!!
I don't follow any religion anymore, I'm not even interested in the bible, but I do know that somebody cares and they don't have lots of rules about things!!
Love Terri,
x
