haha, I do exist (interesting experience)(long but interesting)

BlackSwan of Memphis

Ok yesterday I was on my way to Bally's and thought I would stop at Target to get a coffee (they have a new starbucks in there) and get a few things first.

Thing is, on my way there I noticed that there was just something in the atmosphere that day. Pretty weird. Couldn't put my finger on it.

Target is located at the west end of a strip mall. Just before that in the strip mall is a Panera bread (which specializes in breads and excellent hazelnut coffee and jws that stop there for morning break)

I passed the entrance to get into the strip mall and was going to pull into Target when I just got this overwhelming sense of "No, you're not going there yet" but when I was going to pass the second entrance, the next thing I knew my instinct told me to pull in there. Then I went to park at Target but yet again, instinct, gut feeling what ever said Nope. I couldn't figure out what to do. I looked at the time and realized that it was 11:30 perfect timing for the jw's. I thought about how I'd been feeling low this weekend and thought about some of the advice I got and decided to go over there and get my coffee.

I walked in and saw a couple of nicely dressed people. Hm, maybe. But then...

She sits down. A gal I have known forever. Back in the fall when I da'ed I had gone to Costco to pick up a few things and was checking out when I see this girl and her husband and daughter out of the corner of my eye. I saw them kind of looking at me. They didn't come over and say hi and I was in a hurry, I believe it was the night before Thanksgiving.

So, anyway, I get my coffe. And look over at them and waited for a second to see if I could catch her looking over so I could say Hi. When she didn't do that I walked out side feeling more ticked off then anything.

So...

I walked to the window by which they were seated and waved at them and said hi, they totally ignored me but it was really funny. And I felt like, ha. I know you know I'm here.

Ok, as if that weren't enough. I called my husband to tell him what had happened. Then I went on over to Target. I was thinking about what just happened. I came to the conclusion:

If I let them shun me and I play by their rules and I don't even try to say hi or show them what real friendship is like, what does that say about me?

Jesus would not have done that. Being a true friend sometimes means having to do things that could ultimately cause us pain, but we do it because it is in the best interest of our loved ones. I could post a whole other thread on my feelings about this but...

So I kept walking until I see yet another gal I was friends with. Her husband is an elder. They're a young couple. She is a very sweet person. I thought for a second and then pulled around the other side of the aisle and while she was looking down at some furniture:

"Hey ____" She looked up and smiled (which is just her nature) and I asked her how she was doing. She wasn't rude she was polite. I asked her if she had seen my mother and she said no that she thinks she is still in Florida. I could tell she was a little freaked out. I thanked her for the information about my mom and we parted ways.

But y'know, guys, the idea is to make a person think. I figure if I do play by their rules still, then I am still 'captive'. If a person asks me not to contact them, fine, that is their wishes. But until I am asked by the individual, I am not going to play dead.

Thanks for the encouragement!!!!!!

I ended the day with a bit more confidence and a bit more understanding

BSoM

Nathan Natas

Well done, BSoM!

jwfacts

I agree totally, talk to them politely like nothing happened, it shocks them, hopefully maybe enough to get someone thinking.,

I heard that a JW past friend was upset by something she was told I had said about her. So I rang her last week and cleared things up. Her voice was shaking she was so nervous talking to me. I ended by saying that I look forward to a time when she can treat me like a friend again. I thought that would get her thinking, because she knows I will never be going back.

EAGLE-1

Some fake hand grenades should break the ice.

greendawn

It was good that this JW woman did not shun you but I get the impression, perhaps wrongly, that you depend too much emotionally on the JWs. Eventually as you forge ahead in life they will become like a storm in the distant horizon as you will have by then a full new circle of friends.

BlackSwan of Memphis

Thanks NN!

Jwfacts: I say great job on calling her up. I think there is this sort of urban legend that if an active witness talks to us they will burst into flames from the wrath of Jehovah. But anyway, yep, something to make them think (for themselves)

Eagle: so true

BSoM

BlackSwan of Memphis

It was good that this JW woman did not shun you but I get the impression, perhaps wrongly, that you depend too much emotionally on the JWs. Eventually as you forge ahead in life they will become like a storm in the distant horizon as you will have by then a full new circle of friends.

I think you are right in many ways. But for me, this was a step in the right direction. Keep in mind that for me, being raised a witness, all my family are witnesses and just everything in my life except for my husband and inlaws was based on the jw religion. I think part of me still felt bound by the jw rules. I think part of me wanted to still be accepted by them and have a foot here and a foot there. (don't know if that makes sense) But I think it finally made sense to me that I am going to be ok without them. Still, I know these people. I have a history with them. And maybe they're perfectly fine with shunning me, but I'm not going to shun them. I tend to be a fairly friendly person. I'm talkative and willing to talk to anyone about anything. These are people I enjoyed talking with. When we would meet up, our conversations weren't normally about the public talk or the watchtower lesson. It was about kids, gardening, shopping etc. Why should I treat them any different? If I can be friendly to a stranger, I can still be friendly to them. Perhaps, like jwfacts said, just maybe it might make them think a little bit. Until then.... On sunday we had my oldest daughter's b day. We only were able to invite a few people...but these people are so nice. It was her teacher and two classroom aides and one of her classmates who we have known from the beginning. What a huge contrast! Y'know I think I'm going to make it. But I want others to make it out too. I believe that I was not just lucky to get out, but that if it weren't for others who made it out and put so much effort into helping others out, I don't know that I would be here. Maybe one of these people that I will talk to will be thinking about things and wondering and they might feel lonely, and if they know they aren't alone, who knows maybe that will help. BSoM

Lady Liberty

Dear BSOM,

Great Job!! Your right, it takes two to play the "shunning" game. If you refuse to take part, then it takes all the control and wind out of their sails. Even if they still do not openly acknowledge you, like they did, they DID acknowledge you in their mind. And you basically told them without telling them verbally that you are "NOT PLAYING"!! You did great!! Hang in there!! My family too, has taken this same approach! We are being shunned even though we are NOT disassociated, nor DFd. At the moment just not active. But rumor has is we have serious questions, (which we do). Anyway, for those who pull this on me, I just am as nice as I can be.

SIncerely,

Lady Liberty

Country Girl

Memphis:

I think you have a beautiful and compassionate way of approaching it, without taking it too personally. Rock on!

CG

Jim_TX

Black Swan,

Excellent!!!!! This shows that you _are_ making progress.

Plus - like you said, it will make those others that you spoke to - start thinking.

I remember years ago when I was stil married to my JW-wifey. I was no longer going to the meetings - hadn't for over 15 years...

We were in Office Depot one morning, and her sis-in-law came in... who was DF'ed. This sis-in-law had been part of the 'family' for many years.

The ex-wifey totally ignored her and made a bee-line for the exit. I was walking behind her, until I realized what was happening.

I then stopped, told the ex - "I'm going to say hello to Debbie." and went back in to talk to her.

She appreciated the kind words, and we spoke for a few minutes.

It just irritates me how they can decide to shun someone like that.

I have decided that I do not play by their 'JW-rules'. This tends to leave them powerless... as you are beginning to see.

Oh - and you may need to listen a little bit more to those 'nudges' you are getting. They might be some invisible friend trying to help you.

Regards,

Jim TX

haha, I do exist (interesting experience)(long but interesting)

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