Just something i have to get off myself

nevaagain

Hello guys, first of all i am a JW. I think my last and only post on this board was a couple of years ago when i wasnt active at all. In the mean time i got better, i might not be as active as i should be, but i still try to do my best. I have been born in the truth and i have been baptized since my age of 16. I am 25 right now, still single and still looking for my perfect match :-)
As you probably already guessed, i am not a native english speaker. I am from germany. I recently moved 300 miles because i got a new job there. I took the oppurtinity because i could finally stand on my own feed, which means i moved out of my parents apartment. This involved changing the KH as well.
Being a JW it made everything simplier. I immediately found new friends my age with which i hang out. One older sister even helped me to find an apartment. I have been for 3 months here and i havent missed one meeting yet. Even though i cant say i am not bored at the meetings. The main reason i attend them is to meet my friends there. From what i have seen here, the people my age or even younger are in a catastrophic situation spirit wise. Many of them dont attend the meetings. I even heard stories, about baptized younger witnesses which occasionally smoke or even have sex before being married. Hearing this was kinda a shock to me and i dont know how to handle this.
Well right now, i am (very) good friends with a sister about 4 years younger than me. She is also baptized like me. We have contact everyday. Even long phone conversation till 3am. We even occasionally go out (just the 2 of us) which raised the distrust of her parents. She even came over to my apartment a couple of times ... Well we didnt really do anything wrong in the eyes of god as far as i know... the first time she wanted me to put my arm over her shoulder, she then laid her head on my lap. Then i put my arms around her and she started to kiss my arm. Later when she had to go we hugged, and she kissed me on my neck.
Even though it seems like we are the perfect match, she confessed to me that she loves a different brother. Shouldnt i call everything off before it gets dangerous for both of us?
Sorry if i bored you, or you thought this would lead to a different topic. But i needed to get this off my chest and i didnt know where to go with this. Since other boards dealing about love and dating dont deal with the speciality of JWs.
Well on a site note, she also confessed to me that she smoked a few times couple of months ago. Being that she is baptized for a few years. Does it mean that i have to inform the elders? Whats the official word on this? Because i would rather let it go ...

LDH

What this means is, you are about to get kicked in the chomper by this girl.

Why not hang around here. We're much nicer and don't have an agenda. Most of us won't even try to kiss you.

Lisa

mrsjones5

Ok you like this girl and you've seen her a few times, had long conversations on the phone, kissed a few times, done other stuff but now she tells you that she loves another and has told you some other stuff that you think you have to take to the elders.

My advice: Let it go. She likes you but not in the way you want. And going to the elders and telling on her is not a nice thing to do and just makes you look mean and petty. Just let it go and move on.

Josie

nevaagain

i guess i wasnt unspecific, the whole kissing and hugging stuff happaned just yesterday. the confession that she likes another dude was 2 weeks ago. this doesnt have anything to do with the confession that she smoked. that was just a site note. i would never go to the elders and "rat out" because this girl does not love me. that was just a question on whats the official word on that point is.

carla

So basically the jw's are just a social club for you? Immediate friends? Don't forget how 'immediate' those friends drop you if you decide to check into the jw's doctrine at all. All very conditional.

She was kissing you while proclaiming love for someone else? Sounds like a real nice girl. I wouldn't tell on her sounds like she could fabricate more on you anyway.

greendawn

What's the point of carrying on with her after she told you that she loves another person, she must be very immature to behave like that, find someone else and don't bother with going to the elders.

Crumpet

The official word is that you have to tell the elders if you know a brother has committed a disfellowshipping offence. If you dont you are considered an accessory. You will most likely be reproved if you have kept the information to yourself more than a day or two.

Thegoodgirl

The only "official doctrine" is love your neighbor as yourself. (Remember Jesus said that's all we have to do and the rest is petty Pharisee-type stuff?) I know it's easy to get caught up in "should I tell the elders this/ should I tell the elders that?" But as you get older, you'll understand that everyone can and does make their own individual decision to do what they do with their lives. It's never good to control others with rules.

I agree with the other posters. Let the smoking topic go. Don't even give it another thought. That's her thing, and not yours. Also, sounds like she's a little wishy-washy. I don't want you to get your feelings hurt. So please try to take a little time away from her. Widen out. Join some sports in the new area, or another community organizaiton. I know that's not the advice you were expecting, but I really think it will help put it all into perspective.

TheGoodGirl

luna2

Next time she gets all lovey, ask her what's going on. Do you think she told you about this other guy she likes because she wants to make you jealous? This is honestly not a game I think is worth playing. Somebody (prolly you) is going to get hurt.

nevaagain

yeah i know i might get hurt in the long term ... thats why i was seeking for advice here. i thought i might not see things clear and yes i will let the smoking go. its not my business ... the last time i tried to get away from her she said she doesnt wants to lose me as a friend ... girls can be weird sometimes :-) especially the ones in the truth ...

Just something i have to get off myself

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