Have you been rejected by your JW children?

AlwaysSeeking

Hi! It's been a long time since I last posted, but something recently happened that is making making me heartsick... I just learned that one of my children is engaged to be married. All of my children are grown up and when they reach around 18 years old, decided to become JWs. They were quite young when I left the organization, shortly after which my wife and I separated. Despite my ex-wife's lack of encouragement to keep me involved in their lives, I was VERY involved and thought our relationship had grown as the years went by. But as each child made the decision to become JWs, they immediately cut me out of their lives. I haven't seen my oldest child for 10 years.

I thought I was dealing well with this loss. I grieved for the loss of each child and after a time, decided I was going to live life the fullest, with joy. Then I found out one of my children was engaged and was thrown for a loop. The reality of how much I am missing by not being a part of their lives, realizing that I will miss their weddings, the birth of their children and just being with them makes me so sad.

I am feeling a bit better but wonder how other parents on this board deal with this type of thing? Despite my children rejecting me, over the years I have kept in regular touch with them by card, letter and/or gifts. But I am wondering if that is even helping matters.

If any of you have experienced the pain of this type of loss, would you please let me know how you cope? Do you still attempt to keep in touch with your kids? Do you think this is beneficial? I'm probably not even asking the right questions, but would appreciate hearing from and being able to correspond with you.

Thanks!

AlwaysSeeking

candidlynuts

i've been rejected by one of mine i'm not d/f'd just inactive.

but she says since i'm not active i'm a threat to her spirituality, so i'm shunned and dont see her or my grandchild. (she's a pioneer, her husband is a POs son and is climbing the position ladder himself)

how do i cope? i send her notes, emails, a gift now and then. let her know i love her and her new family and hope someday things will be different. its a hard rejection to cope with. hugs

Cabin in the woods

I am so sorry. Yes, there are many of us that suffer with this situation. Just today I decided that I had to hear my youngest sons voice. So, I called his cell. I thought that even if he was angry at me for calling him it would still be his voice but he has caller ID and no matter how long I let it ring he would not answer it. I did not leave a message. He would have deleted it anyway and I never would have gotten a return call.

I think that this is amoral, unimaginably cruel and I wished that there was someway that all effected by this BS could come together for class action suits against those imbecilic, geriatric cretans that spend their days tottering around the drafty tower.

Isn't what they are doing illegal?? In some form, in some countries? It is alienation of affection. Even the third party in a divorce can be held accountable.

You will find consolation here by people who walk in your footsteps.

Take care and welcome aboard.

Cab

juni

Dearest Always Seeking,

First of all, I got teary reading your post. I can feel your pain as I have 4 adult children w/families of their own. They were all raised in this org., but never baptized. Our family experienced so much ill treatment I could write a book. The kids saw the hypocrisy and they each suffered in their own way through those years. I wish I could turn back the clock and have a "do over".

We have met together as a family and discussed the good times of their childhoods and the bad times. They expressed themselves that they forgave me as I was only doing what I thought was best for them. And we had a good laugh over the silly, insanity of the rules of this org.

Only my youngest son and his wife and 2 girls go to the Lutheran church. We, as well as the other kids, go to their special events. The others have no religion. But they are all happy, productive, well adjusted adults and I am so proud of them.

If I were in your place, I would keep up w/letters, gifts, etc. You never know when they might change their mind about this religion or decide that no one is going to tell them that they have to cut out Dad in their lives. Then they would reflect back on how you wanted to be a part of their lives. That you stuck it out and you love them despite their shunning - a very emotionally abusive treatment.

You are another victim of this org.'s rules; they tear more families apart than they bring together.

I sincerely wish you the best. And know too that many on this board share your heartache with like situations.

Juni

AudeSapere

Hi AlwaysSeeking -

I don't recall seeing/reading you before so a belated Welcome to JWD!

I consider myself a successful fader but still have 2 family members still in. My sister shuns my DF'd former-PO dad. (My divorced parents don't speak but there's more to it than JW status...)

There are so many here who are in a position similar to yours. One stands out - he is much loved here. 'Dansk' (aka Ian) has wrote much about his family situation. He even started a thread to create a listing of families that have been torn apart by the shunning practices of the Watchtower Society.

Here's a link to that thread: http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/9/88460/1.ashx Another heart-wrenching story is told by 'Bryan': http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/7/79259/1.ashx There's so many more that it just makes me want to cry...

I'm sorry for the emotional blackmail that has been assaulted upon you.

Feel free to vent all you need to here. You are amongst friends - friends who truly understand.

-Aude. (meaning: Dare to Know;Dare to Have Wisdom/Understanding)

(Edited to all links to threads...)

Bryan

Always,

Yes, my daughter, once turned 19, cut me out of her life as well. It is difficult. I send her emails with pics of her little brother about every two weeks. I'm not sure if she receives them. I hope she wakes up one day, but at the same time, she has the right to live her life just as I have the right to live mine. I just wish she wasn't being lied to by the Tower.

And I also recieved a letter from her stating that she would be getting married and wished to never speak to me again.

http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/9/74715/1.ashx

Take care,

Bryan

Have You Seen My Mother

blondie

No kids or grandchildren..........

It is hard to be shunned; I would see it if a person was a big drug user, lived with a BF or GF that were dangerous to be around.

It's the black and white mentality of most JWs and then the hypocrisy of the remainder.

Like I won't associate with you but will you loan be money syndrome.

I have told my abusive JW family to stay away...seems it challenges them to try hard to have contact.

I would recommend send cards periodically with pictures of your progress.

Love Blondie

poodlehead

This really breaks my heart. I am so sorry for all of you who are going through this. I hope this never happens with me and my son. I have been working so hard to build our relationship, even though his JW father preaches against me.

Doesn't the bible say Honor they Father and Mother. Oh I forgot what it sayed under that. Only if they agree with you and your teachings. Sorry missed that.

How about love....There is so many scriptures on this subject that would apply but they aren't getting it.

You have my prayers and thoughts.

stillAwitness

I just can't imagine leaving my parents behind for some religion. And yet come to think of it: I may someday have to deal with the same thing just the opposite. My parents disowning me b/c of the path that I want to take.

A relgion that truly destroys lives. I am truly sorry for your loss. Bryan's and everyone else's too.

MsMcDucket

If any of you have experienced the pain of this type of loss, would you please let me know how you cope? Do you still attempt to keep in touch with your kids? Do you think this is beneficial? I'm probably not even asking the right questions, but would appreciate hearing from and being able to correspond with you.

Hello AlwaysSeeking, my 19-year-old twin daughters are shunning me. They just started this last year. Like you, I left the organization while they were younger. I guess that I taught them about Jehovah, but not about the organization. If I had known how much I was under mind control, I wouldn't have taught them more about the organization. As it were, I didn't wake up to reality until after they were baptized.

Right now, I'm going through an angry stage. I resent the fact that I sacrificed so much for my children, only for them to turn their backs on me, and to give total strangers more respect than me. I am a total apostate now. I don't believe anything about the religion and I have let the girls know this. Their father was never baptised, so when they call, they ask to speak to their dad. As if, I'm a total stranger. I will hate to miss out on certain events in their lives, but if they don't want me there; I won't be there.

Right now, I have a grandson by my oldest daughter, who hates everything about the witnesses. That boy is three handfuls to take care of. My husband and I keep him quite a bit. I've told my youngest daughter that she can't be a Jehovah's Witness, and I make sure that I show her all of the crazy stuff that goes on within the religion.

Anyway, I know how you feel.

Have you been rejected by your JW children?

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