Advice for non-JW please (page 2)

LaCatolica

Hey,

My advice is to be yourself and avoid any conversations about religion, et.al. In reality, what they really need to get is that in spite of what they learn and are taught...there are people in the world (wordly, if you will) that are not as bad as they think. I think that our mission as regular people is to show them that so that they can hopefully put that whole idea to rest. I've done that with my in-laws...there is not much discussion about religion b/c they have grown to respect the fact that I'm not JW nor do I want to be. I guess they just need help understanding that the world is not such a bad place after all!

serendipity

Hi Joe, welcome to the forum!

You may never be close friends with them, but that hopefully won't stop them from being good neighbors. Enjoy it while it lasts. And be extra nice to the kids so they see that not all 'worldly' people are evil.

drew sagan

Welcome to the forum. I agree that you should be yourself and by your conduct prove that you are not a bad person even though you are "in the world". Don't be confrontational, but stick to what you believe and stand by it. Have conviction. I think the JWs biggest strenght is they pounce upon people who arn't sure of what they believe. They will give up if they can't change your mind. Keep it at that and mabye you can still be friends.

Carmel

Not too long ago my wife and I had a couple over for dinner and we had a wonderful evening. They are both secular humanists, very active in local civic activities and she is on the city council. During dinner we were discussing a variety of things and it came up that we had lived in Israel for four years. This launched into us being Baha'is and the inevitable discussion about why we weren't Christian, yada yada yada. I hadn't seen or talked to either of them for several weeks when I had reason to call him to discuss a presentation I am making to the Chamber in late May and wanted his input on some of the options I have. He then asked if I had gotten any "flack" for intertaining a couple of atheists. I was flabergasted but then he related how they had befriended a JW family in the town in Arkansas where they lived before and that couple was reproved or repremanded for being in the company of atheists.

So it's a valid question for you to ask. Some elders and elderettes would jump on the "weak" ones that intertain devils..

I did assure him that I didn't believe in the same God that he didn't believe in so not to worry!

Glad you finally chose to post Joe.

carmel

poodlehead

Hey man guess what? To them you are a study. It is just not formal.

It is difficult because you are neibors. My advice is to let them back away, and they will. Next time they invite you to a meeting. Just tell them you satisfied your curiousitly already. Your done. If they want to truly be friends that will contact you on non-spiritual matters. But likely that will stop.

JW do have some wonderful people but most are trying to make a place for themselves in the congragation. It is not looked at favorably to have wordly friends.

Out of the 100's of people I knew only 1 will speak to me now. And I was never DF. I just pulled away.

Joe Grundy

Thanks again for your further replies.

Thinking about it further, there has been a lot less contact from them since the memorial service, after which I also asked them if they wanted their books back (they had given me a copy of the NWT Bible, 'All Scriptures, and a couple more about 'Creation' etc.). I don't know what the JW term is for somebody who has been shown the way to their 'truth' and rejects it (I'm sure they have a term for it) but whatever it is, I am one.

BTW, do JWs who hand out these books have to pay for them personally, or are they paid for by the local group? I have never been asked for 'contributions' for these or the (too many) magazines they used to give me - none recently.

jwfacts

You are in the perfect position. Never being a JW you can raised questions in their mind without them taking offence or labelling you an apostate.

If you discuss higher criticism of the bible they will disregard everything you say. Most need to have their faith in the WTS shaken before tackling the bibles fallibility. It would be better for you to discuss the lack of sense of the teachings and the cult like behaviour.

In general JWs are nice sincere people. However I still strongly believe that most people are better off not being a JW than a JW. There is no benefit from building your life around a cultish dream.

BTW, my name is Paul Grundy, nice coincidence.

jstalin

Wait a sec isn't this your jw mate that you wanna jump?

Jekyll - lol... no. I strongly suspect he's gay, but I'm not attracted to him :)

SPAZnik

I enjoyed your rendition of the meeting(s) you attended. I think you've already made your decision. Actions speak louder than words. And you're here aren't you? :) But just for arguments sake: Unfortunately, JW's definition and rendition of friendship, and your own, are probably worlds apart. Protect yourself from disappointment by not expecting them to return friendship in a sustainable or consistant way and by not expecting them to ever change. Live and let live. Good fences make good neighbors as the saying goes. You seem surprised that they are nice people, or perhaps that is just your way of mourning the loss of potential friends that seemed so nice. They probably ARE nice people. I don't understand what niceness has to do with anything in life anyway. Anybody can be "nice". What does nice mean exactly? I've always had trouble with that particular word and how and when people employ it for political purposes. And for fun: If they discuss YOU it may well go something like this: Husband: How can we help neighbor Joe see the truth about Jehovah? Wife: I'm not sure, he offered us our books back. Husband: That's too bad, he seemed like such a nice man. Wife: I already counted those books as placements on our field service report form, what do I do if he gives them back? Report a negative number next month? Husband: We'll figure that out if it happens. Daughter: Time to memorize a new scripture "Friendship with the world is enmity with God". James 4:4 and "Bad associations spoil useful habits" - 1 Corinthians 15:33. Officially JW's do not make "friends" with "worldly people" and to them, until you are a dedicated and baptized member you are "worldly people", a "study" as has been mentioned before. There are exceptions, however it is unlikely that a family containing a pioneer father is in any way one of those exceptions. I'm not saying what to do either way, but I would like to add the suggestion to be real about whatever your own intentions are. Is it friendship or your own brand of belief conversion you seek here? Is it truly friendship when both parties are fundamentally pitted against each others belief systems with 100's of supporter backing each side to convert the other? Is it truly friendship if you can't even go to them and state simply "Let's be friends and just respect each others beliefs and rights to make life choices and raise family accordingly or life alone as the case may be, without fear of judgemental power struggles?" Aside from the religious curiousity thing, is there ANYTHING else you have in common activity-wise? What kind of friends do you want to keep around? Ones that you can't really be yourself around? How deep of a friendship are you looking for? Do you want to continually wait around for the ax to fall over your smoking or any other behaviour you have that is quickly sniffed out by the keen JW loyalist? S.

sass_my_frass

They'll always be good neighbours to you. You'll be next door to them for a long time, so let time be your friend. Throw in a thought every now and then, and if one day they need a way out, they'll know that you're a safe ally.

Advice for non-JW please

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