I think my boyfriend and I broke up for good...

kristyann

My boyfriend and I were having all sorts of problems for the past couple months. We have been together about 2 and a half years (which, to me, is quite awhile) and it was great for awhile but now I really keep discovering things he lies about to me. Like some are stupid little things, and others are big things... and I just cannot take that anymore. If he lies about so much right now... what would things be like in 10 years?

He used to be a JW, and his family was very abusive and neglectful... I think that he is still messed up pretty bad from this organization and his sick, SICK family. However, I just can't take this anymore. I have pretty much told him that it's over... and I said I wanted to be friends. I didn't just say it to be cliche, I really MEAN it. And he's like "No, it's all or nothing."

Anyway - I am really disappointed that this didn't work out. However, he was never the most mentally stable person I knew. He cries an awful lot and has had problems with self-mutilation and stuff... that was a couple years ago, he hasn't done that in years, but still... it was weird.

He keeps insisting that he's not lying about stuff... but I always catch him in such dumb, obvious lies. I don't even have to LOOK for them... they're just there! I don't know what to do... I told him I wanted to be friends and nothing else, at least for now, and now he won't even talk to me and he hasn't called or anything, but he does send me IMs telling me he still loves me to death but seeing me or being friends would be too painful. I am so disappointed this isn't working... I really loved him and wanted it to. I still do love him, in some ways. He's still like my best friend.

Does anyone think crazy JW families can screw someone up permanently and make them REALLY bad to have relationships with?

(On a bright note, it was 82 degrees here in Buffalo, is still 79 at this hour, and the Sabres have beat the Senators in their last 2 games!)

EAGLE-1

I do not think that it would screw them up for life.Depends on the person.You have to think about yourself and how much drama you want in your young life

luna2

Sounds like you made the right choice, kristy. If he can't tell the truth now I doubt it will get any better in the future. Some folks are just congential liars. Very frustrating. Sorry it didn't work out.

Dr Jekyll

Does anyone think crazy JW families can screw someone up permanently and make them REALLY bad to have relationships with?

Yes

Being a dub is all about appearing to be good to everyone around you, even when you're not. Dub life is full of deceit. You're also taught to be judgemental to break off friendships or relationships if someone doesn't meet your expectations. This makes it hell trying to make worldly friends or form relationships once you've left.

Why do you think that so many young dubs turn to drink and drugs once they've left?

Mary

Does anyone think crazy JW families can screw someone up permanently and make them REALLY bad to have relationships with?

Absolutely. In my experience, the religion can strip you of self-confidence or even how to think normally, which explains why so many Dubs and ex-Dubs all suffer from depression. It sounds like your ex-boyfriend is very unstable and it sounds like he came from an abusive background. Have you suggested to him that maybe he needs to seek professional help?

serendipity

((( Kristy Ann))). He probably needs therapy. Have you suggested that to him?

FlyingHighNow

Time might make it easier for you two to become just friends. Right now is too soon. Give it time. He doesn't need to put himself on the backburner. He needs to make getting whole and balanced his priorty, rather than a relationship. Once he's mentally healthier, who knows what might happen.

Carmel

Honesty is the cornerstone of the virtues. Your question about how trustworthy would he be in ten years is right on. Without trust, no relationship can flurish. Move on and learn from your experiance. You have the rest of your life and deserve someone who will be honest in all aspects.

I wish you well.

carmel

cyberdyne systems 101

Trust and honest communication are the back bone of a good relationship, so you did the right thing in ending it. Although he may have his reasons for lying it doesnt change the fact that a relationship cant easily survive when you cant trust a person. It sounds like he need to resolve those issue's he has before contemplating another relationship, maybe by professional help. The initial period after will be raw for you both, so i'm not suprised he wants all or nothing. Best to give that time to both him and yourself and who knows maybe you can still be friends in the future.

CS 101

kristyann

Thanks to everyone for your love and support and advice. It's nice to know that people think I did the right thing.

You're right, I think he does need counseling. I have suggested it, and he says he cannot afford it. But I know that is talking to some people at his church (don't worry, nothing scary or bad, and NOTHING like the JWs). It's true that he doesn't have a lot of money right now, but I do hope that gets professional counseling someday. I will continue to encourage it in a caring, gentle way when I speak with him. I think he would benefit from it TREMENDOUSLY.

Thanks again, everyone. I appreciate the hugs. :) Please keep me in your thoughts, if you ever remember!

I think my boyfriend and I broke up for good...

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