I'm not sure if this is helping me

ballistic

I posted another comment about how angry I'm getting with the organisation. The thing is, it is this and other message boards that are making me feel this way. This is bad. I need to move on and look to the future, not back at the past. I think I needed to meet people who have been through what I have, and yes, some of you have... but I haven't met anyone in my town I could go for a beer with and most of you are in America, let alone my own town.
I've also had one or two negative experiences here in the chat room and alike. It hasn't put me off but I'm just re-evaluating the net value of this whole experience.
I've had several emails from some of you who want to take direct violent action against the org in response to my posts about how angry I feel. But again, I'm not up for that, because that too, is not letting go of the past and I need to move on. Does anyone know what I mean?

Winston

Ballistic,

I wish you the best, a man gotta do what a man gotta do.
That's a good idea you have about finding some friends, I hope you find some good ones, because that helps.

For those lonely moments when you don't have any friends around use the board.

Remember there's no such thing as a perfect friend. We all have are moments.

Former elder turned apostate (by WT definition)[:)}and proud of it!

Ranchette

Ballistic,
Yes, I think I know what you mean.
In the past I spent quite alot of time posting and lurking on the old H20 then when we moved to this board, I quit posting.Shortly after that I decided that the board wasn't helping me that much and there was very little new info.I didn't think it was good for me to keep rehashing things over and over.I felt I had risin above this and decided to move on with my life and make new friends.I have met some wonderful new friends and am glad that I did and plan to continue.

But during my absence from the boards I continued to have these feelings of not fitting in with the rest of the world. I was feeling like an alein.
It's almost impossible and probably unhealthy not to talk about something that has had such a great impact on your life.I tried to just live life but continually found myself dealing with new experiences that are just common place to everyone else that never were JW's.So many times I'd try to explain something and they just didn't get it.
Well, this is why I'm back.I realize there needs to be a balance of ex JW friends and the reast of the world.
Instead of only looking for what this board can do for me,I now try to see what I have to offer.I hope I will find what I'm looking for and help others too.
You may end up doing what I did ,but if you do my guess is that you'll eventually be back.
I hope this is what you were asking.
Ranchette

Bridgette

Ballistic,
I set out from the ORG right away and made friends. People who didn't judge me, who laughed at my stupid jokes. REAL friends. As in Happy Hours every Thursday (that's like going to the pub). People calling just to say hi, check up on me; me calling them, getting invited over, having them over, our kids making friends. You know, normal stuff. Tomorrow I have a barbeque to go to. I never got invited anywhere in the ORG. So, I think you're going out to make friends in ACTUAL reality, is a GREAT IDEA!!! Every once in a while, though you may just feel the need to be with "your kind". NO, IT'S NOT ANOTHER CULT, but despite our differences, and despite the fact that there are some meanies aboard, we all have one thing in common that no one in the world has. This is actually good. I don't really want this in common with too many people, because like you, I hate for my past to consume me. I refuse to let it take anything more from me than it already has. It had my childhood, and my 20's, NO MORE.
Just keep an iddy biddy line open to us here.
THere's also another reason I like being here. I like to maybe help people in whatever way I can. You have a lot to offer too. But you're right about needing to make real friends. You'll find it most refreshing.
Peace,
B. :)

ballistic

thanks win and ran for your lovely answers. The truth is, I'm not short of friends at all. Afer being DF, I took up full time education (even at my age) and have a group of about 30 friends who are absolutely cool. I think what I meant was, I was hoping to find people just like me. (normal people, no maybe strange er anyway... lol) Just people you can say a joke to like, "are you working on repetition for emphasis?" and they know where you're coming from.
I am just thinking these boards haven't given me all that I expected (I know I'm expecting a lot).
I don't want to give the impression that the internet hasn't given me ANYTHING. I've really let it all out; I never used to mention my jw past to my friends and now I just can't seem to shut up about it. They must be sick of me prattling on about it, it's been like letting a cork go. That is one good thing.
But, where do I go from here? I can't keep posting messages and reading posts, and getting wound up about how evil the "society" is, can I?

nelly136

better out than in, better to vent and get it out of your
system than bottle it up and let it stew inside you,
I'd been out for years before I discovered the internet
I thought I'd put it all behind me but a few days on a mailing list and I was in bits, things I'd filed away and thought were forgotten came back to the surface and I was finally able to let the anger out
that I hadnt even realised I was carrying, after a while (and a bit of previously unreleased venting) I felt like a weight had been lifted.
dont know how to explain it other than like letting off a pressure valve, came out in a rush but slowed down and dispersed after a while
was just a bit of a shock to the system feeling things I'd kinda overlooked for so long.
perhaps if you give it a bit longer to see what happens you'll find you start to mellow a bit too?
nelly

RedhorseWoman

I have to agree with Nellie on this one. I have been out for about 16 years. I thought that I was well past any anger or sadness about wasting 30 years of my life. However, when I got on the Internet and found boards such as this one, I realized that I hadn't actually resolved anything. I spent several weeks reading posts and crying. Then I felt angry. Finally, the feelings have faded. I stick around because I truly like many of the people I've met. I also hope that perhaps I can help someone else to get past the pain. You need to be selective, and take what you need at the moment. When at a buffet, you are not obligated to eat everything that is presented, and if you know something will give you heartburn, you should avoid it altogether.

LDH

Ballistic,

It seems you are doing well, like most of us. But one comment stuck out. You want to find 'normal people, people just like you.'

The sick truth is, we are not 'normal'. We all spent many years of our life devoted to a cult. And that changes you forever.

Use this board for therapy if it helps. And ignore the posters who mean you no good.

Lisa

Satanus

Billistic

Have you checked your area for xjw support groups? When i was in my christian phase, there was a christian who actually put an add in the papers that he wanted old wt books. He found a few x's. Before i went to an apostate group convention, i also placed an add for it with my phone number. I got a couple of responses. So, you could start your own xjw support group. You could have your meetings down at the pub. Just some thoughts. I found that some xjw's don't want to rehash, they are able to get on with life without this. Everyone is different.

S

jayhawk1

Billistic,
I was once very angry like you, and then I found this article. Please take the time to read it. http://members.aol.com/beyondjw/nowwhat.htm
It is ten minutes of your life well spent.

"Hand me that whiskey, I need to consult the spirit."-J.F. Rutherford

I'm not sure if this is helping me

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