by freemindfade 29 Replies latest jw friends
I wasn't sure which of these sick comments to post, so I gave it both barrels.
This is the entire problem with fading summed up here by fayedunaway.... "if you want to fade, you've got to back away from this" Essentially this is saying if you want to fade, you literally have to not be who you want to be. I will not deny anyone their right to fade if that is the way they choose to take but you have had to conform long enough, GTFO and be who YOU want to be! You very well may lose some friends and family but personal freedom IS worth it.
pbrow
Faye... I fully understand that. The problem is when you fade you are still playing by "their" rules. Walking on eggshells to not stir the pot. No matter what I think of it or what you or anyone else thinks of "fading" it is a shortsighted solution. Take your stand and don't allow the shunning.
I love my mother dearly. If I had just faded, walked on eggshells to not stir the pot to protect our relationship, she would not be on her journey out of this cult. Instead I made the decision to get completely out and simply do not allow her to shun me. What is your family going to do... call the police to force you off of their property?? Even if your family were to do that... MAKE THEM!!
pbrow
pbrow - "The problem is when you fade you are still playing by 'their' rules."
Not neccessarily.
I view it as sort of beating them at their own game... they'd love to DF you, but you're making it difficult for them, as opposed to the nuclear option.
FREEMINDFADE- I still have extended JW family still in and I agree- it can drive you bat crazy trying to deal with these people. You have my utmost empathy. One thing that has worked for me is I try to avoid ANY confrontation with uber fanatic JW's in my family with any JW talk. I just talk JW talk with family members ( like my older mom ) who will respect and actually listen to my views. That way I don't cause myself unneeded stress and I actually might accomplish something by putting thoughts into my 87 year old JW mom's brain. If I were you I wouldn't waste your time on your fanatic JW relatives trying to get them to listen. It's like beating your head on a brick wall- you'll just hurt your own head. Or like pissing in the wind- you'll just get yourself wet. Very frustrating. Fight debates and wars you can win. Just my 2 cents
Vidiot,
That is exactly my point though. So you are bending THEIR rules. You are playing THEIR game. Believe me when I say I worried about losing what I thought were lifelong friendships and family members. I, like all of us who have left, suffered the loss of what I thought were true friendships. With all the people i knew and loved, it was extremely difficult for me to come to grips with the fact that I did not have many real relationships. As many of us are keenly aware, I know exactly what is on the minds of many people who think that fading is a good idea.
I have a brother that will not talk to me, I have a mother that will not be seen in public with me, "friends" i grew up with since the age of four years old will not even come to my children's soccer games. I know what is at stake, i know what loss is. If you fade, you are perpetuating their game, you are playing their game, you are in essence giving their game validity. That is my point. I can understand why people do it, I just don't think it is the best way.
pbrow
But their game IS disfellowshipping. They don't really have a definition for those who have faded. 'Inactive' isn't accurate...witnesses who go to meetings but not in service are 'inactive'.
it's just to be able to still talk with family. I really like tho, that you make your mom see you. She knows you love her. But everyone is different and has different personalities. Most of us couldnt do that, I think.
