by minimus 32 Replies latest jw friends
mentally, I slowed down after the generation change.
physically, I didn't slow down. I stopped abruptly. I actually auxiliary pioneered my last month (and made my time! although I never turned it in) and the day before I left for good, I worked in service with the C.O. I gave a talk at the last meeting I attended.
I went through hot and cold streaks for years, but the last slow down was for reasons other than just laziness.
Even though the generation thing in 94 (95?) shook me quite a bit and then I had several other questions come up over the years that I pushed out of my mind, I did have a real hot streak a few years back. At the time I was reading every piece of literature, going out in service an insane number of hours per month and decided to read the bible from front to back. Unfortunately, because of all my extra attention I started finding big holes in the WTS publications. As far as the bible went, the number of holes I found in Genesis alone was unreal. Then going and watching everyone parrot answers at the meetings really put me into a terminal slowdown, though I still couldnt totally let go of my belief yet.
So I guess my real slowdown started as soon as I began paying attention to what I professed to believe.
JSD
I gave a talk at the last meeting I attended.
I read the watchtower at my last meeting.
After I resigned as an elder, I very slowly started missing meetings. I started missing a few due to "work" and before you knew it, I just stopped going. And that was it!
I started mentally slowing down many years before I had the courage to physically slow down.
Do you follow what I mean?
I hated field service - but persevered because I felt I had to, especially as I often took the lead.
I read the Watchtower because I apparently was a good reader - until I had a panic attack on stage and had to get off!
I answered up regularly to put on an outward show that I was spiritual.
I even sometimes prayed at night!
I remember that when I well and truly was slowing down I was occassionaly asked to give a prayer from the platform and I really went over the top in being sooooo sincere in what I was saying! I also used to keep my eyes open to see who didn't close theirs - usually it would be kids who would see me looking, poke their tongue out and put me right off!
I slowed down completely when I was taken off from being a ministerial servant - what a loss that was - NOT!!!!!!
When I realized .....
"Prominent men" in the org get offended when they aren't treated like royalty.
Repeated cases of cowardly elders hurting others by their lack of love and blantant injustice.
The beauracratic, unloving, arrogant, unapoligetic attitude displayed locally filters down from Brooklyn.
Sitting at meetings and listening to men preach what they themselves weren't doing became unbearable.
Going out in service meant hypocritically, telling others to ask questions about their religion when I would
be labled an apostate and DF'ed if I ask the same questions about the org.
Going out in service meant lyingly telling others how loving, caring and Christ-like the org is.
What I was taught as the "truth" is far different from what Russel taught as truth.
The WBTS changes their literature and doesn't reprint older publications in an effort to cover up past mistakes.
That "increasing light" was a crutch and an attempt to insult a persons common sense and intelligence.
The so-called "friends" are conditional and will turn their back on you if told to do so. Even if they know you are totally
innocent.
The individual is unimportant and totally dispensible, no matter how many years or how much time they have devoted
to the org.
finally...Franz's books and forums like this........the real truth about the truth.
Why would anyone want to do that? When people do slow down they need to examine why and make corrections to speed up. It's that simple.
I never slow down, from day one to my last day i was very active until i decided to say good bye and pass on all my priveledges, on the last day i gave back the key to the kingdom hall and i was free.
It was hard mentally for a year to do everything and not believe in it. I had a talk about trinity so i passed that also to a dear brother. I believe there is ground to believe in the trinity.
Amen
I originally slowed down when I got married and moved to a different congregation away from my parents. I still believed it was the truth at that time though. After the lack of love shown at 9/11 is when I officially slowed down and my hubby stopped.
Parlay: Welcome to the Board; that was a very perceptive and comprehensive list.
I trace my slowdown to the politics and jockeying for positon I witnessed among bodies of elders, which made it clear God's spirit was not guiding this organization. Even so, it took another decade or more to break free because we had so many years invested and many family and business ties.
The "generation thingy," as someone put it, in 1995 was a strong signal that it my dub life had been built on shifting sands. The UN/NGO disclosure and Dateline's expose on child abuse coverups in the organization (which I knew from experience to be true), were the final nails in the coffin for me. By '03, I had moved and changed congos twice, part of a detailed exit plan, and by the end of that year we were fully faded. Haven't been to a meeting since and we have never been happier. It's an exciting spiritual journey on the path to freedom.
