As some or most of you may know, I'm gay, and I've recently been coming out of the closet after being repressed most of my life. Well, as I read a number of the testimonials here about leaving the watchtower, it strikes me how familiar the feelings of those who are contemplating leaving are so similar to mine in coming out. The fear of what people will think, how it will affect lives, the change in life path, disappointment of famliy members, the sense of freedom after it's been done, etc. I'm not sure what my point is, but I suppose that, even though I'm not a JW and never was, I can understand the feelings of those who are attempting to leave the organization and are anxious about their future.
Leaving Watchtower vs. coming out of the closet
by jstalin 10 Replies latest jw experiences
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Good Girl or Bad Girl?
I think you are right, jstalin. There have been moments where I actually think it would be easier to tell my parents I am gay or pregnant or I murdered someone than it would be to tell them I'm not going to be a Witness anymore (it wouldn't; they would be equally heartbroken over all of them).
It is helpful to know others are going through similar things with completely different situations. I have a friend who recently came out to her parents (she comes from a strong Jewish family). She thought they would be so upset over it. They were surprisiningly accepting of it, but then threw in one condition (as parents seem to love to do): "well as long as you bring home a nice Jewish girl, we are OK with you being a lesbian."
Congratulations on being able to be true to yourself and to live your life the way you are meant to live it.
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freetosee
I used to work for an airline and most of my male colleges were gay. Some were married with children when ‘coming out’. Some came from countries were homosexuality is prohibited and severely punished. But talking to them I was always impressed how similar their experience was compared with mine breaking free from the WTSJWorg. The fears and mixed feeling about oneself were just the same.
Most I know who had a difficult ‘coming out’ have developed a strong personality and understanding for others, which I much admire.
I am sure there are ‘coming out’ sites that can give you support. May I ask, out of curiosity, what makes you come to an ex-jw site? What dealing, if any, did you have with JWs? How did they attract your attention?
All the best for your future, it may not be easy but it is always best to be true to yourself on whatever issue. And when it’s over you’ll be very strong.
Freetosee
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zions watchman
SEX??? YES PLEASE! BUT ONLY WITH A WOMAN!!!!!! LET'S NOT GET ANAL
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jstalin
freetosee - I'm here because I have a friend who is a JW. When I found out his religion, I decided to research what I could, which lead me here. I stick around because this board has so many great people on it. Well, except for maybe zion's watchman :)
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littlerockguy
This is one topic that got me started posting here in the first place; well, actually both leaving the WTS and coming out of the closet. I guess this is really the first place I had done both and with some of the people here I have met in person when I went to Dallas. I had moved away to actually do both since coming out and leaving the WTS both in a small town is more stressful than I could imagine as well as finding out who I am and what all possibilities there are out there. It is still a process.
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freetosee
You’re right, just ignore the watchtower man, some of us heteros need to reassure ourselves of our
masculinity . Freetosee -
cyberguy
Welcome jstalin!
Someone on this board made a comment some time ago about how JW’s are in the FOG, meaning that they are controlled by Fear, Obligation, and Guilt! And I suspect that many closeted gays are living a lifestyle that isn’t true to their inner beliefs and emotions. They too are living in the FOG. What a relief it is though not to pretend to be somebody you are not!
Active JW’s live a scripted-life where the dictates of a few people control absolutely everything (including permissible sex acts between married couples). To get out of FOG, JW’s face being expelled from the Congregation, and this often leads to their family and close friends no longer speaking to them! Finally, consider a JW who is a gay, but has to pretend s/he isn’t because of being in the FOG! And yet there have been those in that position that have posted on this board, who continue to struggle with this dilemma.
Therefore, count your blessings that you aren’t coming out of the closet as a gay-JW! I mean this in a kindly way.
Say, on another note, what are you studying in college?
Take care!
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BlackSwan of Memphis
YOU'RE GAY?!?! I never ever would have guessed...
No really, I think you're right. In fact as I made my departure I had some interesting conversations with others that would include the term "coming out".
At my first meet up we stood in the waiting area at Olive Garden talking. We used the term coming out in regards to slowly making our way out of the JW religion and making it known to others. The funny thing is I have a voice that tends to carry a bit and when I agreed with another about the coming out thang, others around us sort of looked at us a little funny. Lol.
There is much that a person has to deal with when leaving the jw's. There is the potential and very real risk of losing the support and respect of one's peers/family. Finally having the courage to be true to one's self and venturing out of the closet to do so is very difficult.
BSoM
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BritBoy
God, I was terrified of "coming out" to my family. My father was one of those men who used to swerve his car and aim for someone crossing the road who "looked like a fruit", while laughing his head off at their reaction. He carried a baseball bat in the boot of his car which he fondly refered to as his "fruit juicer". Truly a delightful man. Anyway, I left the dubs and immigrated to England in order to "come out". I went back to South Africa on a trip specifically to tell my family I was Gay... I remember the terror I felt on the flight over, but KNEW I had a home and job and life in England I could come home to... the hardest/saddest part was knowing I was going to alienate myself with one statement, two words long "I'm Gay." My sister had made it clear to me that all homosexuals are peodophiles (with bad breath no less) and no homosexual would be allowed near her children. 8 years later she has been true to her word. I have not seen my niece or nephew since. My father barely speaks to me. He was in England in December with his new wife, in Oxford for 3 weeks... didn't hear from him. Hey ho. Their loss now. I am so happy and free I would never ever go back to the old days!!!
Brit