The Most Humiliating Thing That Happened To You As A JW...

by Country Girl 27 Replies latest jw friends

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  Country Girl

  What was the most humiliating thing that happened to you as a direct result of being a JW?

  For me it was when I was made fun of at school for wearing dresses down to my knees, and tights, when mini-skirts and pantyhose were all the rage. I remember that I got this orange plaid jumper dress (dates me) from a friend, and I would hide it so that I could change into it in the bathroom at school. It was REALLY SHORT! I also would hide stockings in my coat pockets before I went to school in sixth grade, because all the girls were wearing stockings and I still had to wear knee socks. Very strange now, but back then it was very important that I "fit in." For me, this was the worst part of being a JW: that I could never really be like other people, and kids at that age are somewhat cruel.

  CG
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  Good Girl or Bad Girl?

  I agree that school was pretty humiliating for me. I never fit in and pretty much daily there was something that set me apart. And kids are looking for ways to pick on each other. With JW kids they don't have to look hard at all. (Country Girl, I changed into other clothes at school all the time too. It's so hard not to fit in!)

  But for me I would say the most humiliating thing happened to me during a JW meeting. The same night they publicly reproved me and this guy in my hall, they gave a "local needs" talk about sexual immorality and how easy it is to fall into it. Everyone kept glancing over at me the whole meeting (the guy was on a camping trip, conveniently, and didn't have to sit through it). I felt like they should have just marked my forhead with the word slut. It was horrible. My face felt hot the whole time and I felt like crawling underneath the chair. The elder giving the talk was extremely black and white with his views (more so than the regular JW elder) and I felt like he was being very harsh in the tone of the talk and the words he used, like he was condeming me to death right in front of everyone there. At one point I went back to the bathroom and cried in a stall.
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  Dismembered

  Hi GG/BG

  Those guys suck! Man I hate the "elder" arrangement.

  Re: The Most Humiliating Thing That Happened To You As A JW...

  1. Scraping gum with a small paint scraper behind the toilet in the mens room that had been there for years in a 3 piece suit. What an ass I was.

  2. After handling the stage assigment for years at CO assemblies, ( a "privilege" most dubbies would kill for)being told you do not qualify anymore. Dismembered
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  Country Girl

  
  Oh my gawd, GGBG! <----- I like that acronym! You're pretty damned brave. I don't think I could have lived through that! Isn't it funny how much "shame" plays a role in our lives, and how we are trained to believe the same things about ourselves that others think about us, even though it is probably not true?

  When I tell people of how strict it was in the religion, they don't understand why I just didn't REBEL and strike back. I couldn't. I was raised in the mindset, and you just didn't do that. If guys do that sort of thing, it's taken as less serious, and it must be the GIRL that caused them to do that. It's always about women minding their P's and Q's.. but not the guy! My Mother scared every last bit of trust I had outta me in high school, so I wasn't really worried about being caught in some situation like that because I was sure God would strike me down as soon as I did something that was normal. I did have a high school boyfriend that wasn't a Witness, but we were limited to holding hands at school, and some bowling classes we had together, and she even one time let me go to a dance with him... but mostly, I was ashamed and upset because we kissed!

  I have to admit that most of the teenaged JW's considered me on the "fringe" so they were not really surprised about me having a HS boyfriend, but they still hung out with me because I was still a Witness. Most of them married two months out of HS and married "corporate" JW's. They are all still married and in "the truth (lie)" and barely talk to me, even though we were great friends in high school. They find out that I am not in the religion anymore, and "encourage" me to go "back to Jehovah." It's so stupid, to me, because THEY are the ones that are living the lie, and I'm the one that is free.

  So... while I felt that the JW's were the truth for a majority of my life, and I couldn't live up to their ideals, it doesn't bother me because now I know they are now living THE LIE, and if sometime in their lives they get a dose of cognitive dissonance, then I'll be here to share with them.

  CG
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  Good Girl or Bad Girl?

  When I tell people of how strict it was in the religion, they don't understand why I just didn't REBEL and strike back. I couldn't. I was raised in the mindset, and you just didn't do that.

  CG, I know EXACTLY what you mean! My friends now have such a hard time understanding why I went along with it. But it was all I knew. It was what my parents, friends, friend's parents, etc. were doing. You didn't just rebel. Man, I was such a sucker for all that I put up with. Thanks for the props though - I DO have to say I'm not a pansy like the "brother" was who went on his camping trip to avoid having to deal with it. I face up to my mistakes. Even though now I don't feel the same about what I did.

  If guys do that sort of thing, it's taken as less serious, and it must be the GIRL that caused them to do that. It's always about women minding their P's and Q's.. but not the guy!

  I've had JC's tell me that the brother was spiritually weak and gave into his imperfect flesh, but I knew better and did it anyway. WTF - how did he not "know better"? Why was it on my shoulders alone?

  We can be glad that we are free now. We can revel in that.

  GGBG
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  under_believer

  I have never noticed that women are held to a higher standard and greater accountability than men in sexual matters. But then I'm a guy, so maybe I just missed this. It wouldn't surprise me.
  My most humiliating experience by far was the sexually explicit tell-all confession session with three elders during my judicial committee. They just sat there and asked sexually explicit questions, and I answered them honestly, without trying to hide anything from them, even volunteering details they missed. I couldn't make eye contact with any of them, and the questions went on for at least two hours. I really felt that the confession would make me feel better, wash me clean in some metaphysical sense. In reality though it just made me feel dirty and ridiculous.
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  Good Girl or Bad Girl?

  My most humiliating experience by far was the sexually explicit tell-all confession session with three elders during my judicial committee. They just sat there and asked sexually explicit questions, and I answered them honestly, without trying to hide anything from them, even volunteering details they missed. I couldn't make eye contact with any of them, and the questions went on for at least two hours. I really felt that the confession would make me feel better, wash me clean in some metaphysical sense. In reality though it just made me feel dirty and ridiculous. - under_believer

  It made you feel emotionally and mentally molested, didn't it? Yeah, those times were not fun. Knowing that there are at least six [married] self-righteous men (and whomever else each of them told) who know such very intimate details about me is disconcerting to say the least.
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  luna2

  My worst wasn't all that bad, though it seemed so at the time.

  Worst for me was probably when my kids got in big trouble and we were all called in for a lynchin party little "talking" too. Since the boys weren't baptized, all they could do was take away the grand priviledge of commenting at the meetings, marking them good so that all the nice dub kids (such as those with elder fathers who could run interference for them) would know to treat them like shit, and making sure I felt like the lowest scum ever to walk the earth. Ah, Jah's loving organization. What refreshment!
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  puck

  my worst was an ongoing thing for a month or so -- i, too, was in the midst of a judicial hearing, and somehow, *every* single elder in the hall was involved, our committee changed so many times that it was basically fluid. at the meetings (there were more than one), they'd set up a big inquisition board chart with all of our names, all the bad stuff we'd done, and checkmarks in the corresponding boxes. then they had numerous other witnesses come in and talk about us (just the "two witness" rule wasn't sufficient, i suppose) and check off more boxes as things were said. i got a bit mouthy once, and the worst elder said something to the effect of "watch it, we can disfellowship you just for that." not verbatim, but the substance was the same. and, then, of course, the public reproof. with all my friends and family staring. horrible. that's about when i quit going to meetings almost entiely.
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  under_believer

  puck, WHAT?!?! They actually had a whole whiteboard set up, with a GRID? And NAMES? And CHECKBOXES FOR DIFFERENT "CRIMES!??!"
  I have heard of a lot of really crazy judicial committee stories but that one far and away takes the cake. I am so sorry you had to go through that.