Lyineyes -
I do understand that feeling. What you are feeling now is good to hear.
In about the last 3 years I have lost my brother [46] and my mom. Also in the same period of time I left the organization after 43 years of brainwashing and lies. That created further losses of friends and people I had made my world for all my life. Also my daughter went to prison and left us as the only responsible ones who could/would care for her three children.
All that has combined at times to be more than a person should have to bear it seems. Especially in the loss of my only brother. I rarely have a day when he is not on my mind.
Life is tough. You have to live yours though, even while missing those who have left us. You sound like you are healing. Good on you.
Jeff