Dunno why but it reminds me so much of 1984 - George Orwell where folks turned neighbours, friends, family e.t.c as though it was the only choice.
So sad, i am sorry to hear
This Past Sunday My Wife Took Me To The Elders!
by enlightenedcynic 70 Replies latest jw experiences
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KW13
BTW - consider cleaning all history, cookies and files from PC that prove this as you...including links to this site.
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Free
Witnesses are programmed almost to the effect that the children in Nazi Germany where in turning in their parents that disagreed with Hitler. Maybe even more so.
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johnny cip
I KNOW YOU LOVE YOUR WIFE. BUT IT GET'S TO A POINT WERE YOYU HAVE TO BE A MAN. IF YOU PAY ALL THE BILLS IN YOUR HOUSE. YOU HAVE TO LET HER KNOW THAT IF SHE WANT TO CRY TO THE ELDERS . THEN SHE BETTER PACK HER BAG'S AND GO LIVE WITH THEM. IT'S YOUR HOUSE. AND NO DOPER FROM THE HALL IS GOING TO COME INTO MY HOUSE AND TELL ME WHAT TO DO. DO I LOOK LIKE I'M 12 YEARS OLD.? I WAS ONLY DOING RESEARCH . FROM SPEAKING TO A HOUSEHOLDER. I WAS THROUGH THIS SHIT BEFORE GETTING KICKED OUT FOR THE WT. IT WASN'T MY HOUSE OR I WOULD HAVE THROWN THE JW'S OUT. I SLEPT IN MY CAR FOR 5 MONTHS. SAVING UP TO GET MY OWN PLACE. THERE IS NO NICE WAY TO HANDLE JW'S. YOU HAVE TO PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN. FIRST AND DRAW THE LINE. OR THEY WILL SHIT ALLOVER YOU. THIS IS ALL HARDBALL TACTICS. AND MAY NOT BE NEEDED. BUT BE READY. AND LET IT BE KNOWN YOUR NOT GOING TO BE MADE A FOOL.. JW'S HAVE A WAY OF BACKING DOWN. IF YOU STAND FIRM. GOOD LUCK JOHN
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freedomlover
so sorry to hear this.
when my husband broke the news that he was "apostate" I can't believe how close I came to telling on him. It's such a knee jerk reaction for a witness.
I'm truly sorry. this situation just sucks. there's no way around that.....
keep us up to date on what happens. we'll be thinking of you.... -
Justitia Themis
I know of a sister who was Df'd on those very grounds.
I'm not saying it hasn't happened; I'm simply saying that it is not likely to happen. Perhaps I am wrong, but I suspect your case happened a while ago. The approach now is more towards Jehovah judging these situations as there is no clear right/wrong.
And, yes, he could play "hardball," but why? Enlightenedcynic himself stated that the marriage wasn't that close 'after 14 years.' It sounds like both she and he would be happier apart.
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Highlander
My advice? Make her do all the work. Make her find the lawyer, find a place for you to live, pay for the movers, file the divorce papers.
Definitely get an attorney before she does. YOU need to know your rights and be prepared for the worst. There are kids involved, and possibly assets?
If she does all the legwork. well.. you won't have the kids, and you'll owe her vaginamony plus child support.
This F'ing cult may break your marraige, but don't let it break you.
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Lo-ru-hamah
I may be totally off base here and should not even say this, but there has been one thought running through my head since I started reading this thread. Is she building a case against you because she might be having an affair and she is looking for a way out of the marriage, making you look like the bad guy?
I base this on two of your comments: 1. She hasn't had sex with you for at least 11/2 months. 2. She is looking for evidence of apostacy or spiritual endangerment against you.
If I were you I would think about this possibility. My sister in law, who was cheating on my brother in law for years had the exact same hang ups about sex and didn't want to have sex with him, either. Also, she was continually finding fault with her husband, telling her family what a wretched man he was. He forgave her but they don't seem like the happiest people in the world to me.
Sorry, if this is totally off base. I certainly don't mean any offense by it. I have just seen it happen many many times.
Loruhamah
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cruzanheart
I'm so sorry for you. I hope you can work things out. HOWEVER (and this is the cynic in me), if I were you I'd talk to a lawyer on your own. Since you have children you don't want to wait around while she builds a case against you, if that is indeed going to happen, and run the risk of losing custody of your children. I don't know her and she may be a very nice woman, but a few things kind of stood out to me: 1. She woke you up at 1:30 a.m., which seems like an attempt to catch you unawares and vulnerable. 2. She has been refusing sex for a month and a half -- that's a deliberate attempt to make YOU unhappy. 3. She mentions "deviant sex" -- it could be due to the Society's words or it could be an excuse. (If the elders question you about it, you could always say that she screamed but it wasn't in protest.)
Good luck and stay true to yourself, whatever you do. Living a lie doesn't make for a good relationship and if she wants more than you can give, then so be it.
Hugs,
Nina
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cyberguy
Well, enlightendcynic, I’m sorry! I don’t know how else to begin this comment, because I can feel some of the pain that has surfaced from your post!
Although I’m not obviously aware of all the circumstances, I’d try and stay together with your wife for your kid’s sake. I know that may be asking a lot! And I don’t know how old your kids are, but for their sake you might want to “stay together,” although this may require enduring incredible pressure from your wife. I’m sorry!
Some advice, rather than poke at the many false teachings of the WT, what there are many, I’d suggest staying off the religious-stuff for a while, change the subject of a while, and just start talking to your wife about why you got married to her in the first place. Perhaps you can ask her what she found so attractive in you that she wanted to be your wife when you were younger; why you wanted to be her best friend, and she yours. Tell her that you still love her (I assume deep-down you still do).
Regarding religious views and trying to correct your wife’s thinking, this may take some time. Try and be patient with her, because she is in reality as much a victim of the WT as you are! True? So please, show some empathy. Maybe you need some time off by yourself for a week or two, and/or maybe she needs the same. Can either of you visit your folks to just away from each other for a little bit, to clear the air? On the other hand, what activities outside JW’s do you actually do? As a couple? As a family? Why isn’t your wife no longer your best friend (and I know her religious stance is difficult to deal with)?
Finally, rather than abandon what you and your wife have built up over the years, why through all of it all away now? Who you are, and this applies to your wife and kids too, is not determined by relationship with the JW-system, but who you are as a person. This concept is hard to realize when you’ve been led-along in the JW-system for some time, under the control of a cult-like mindset, but I think you need to sort this out first. Then, you can begin to address issues with your immediate family.
I wish you the best in making the right choices my friend, although I can see from your post that you’re struggling. My heart goes out to you! God bless, and I wish the best for you and yours!
Cyber