Closet Smokers????

Life Is Grand

Is anyone out there a closet smoker? You know-sneaking one here and there.....

I smoked from the time I was in my late teens-tried to quit the odd time with no luck. Finally in January of 2005 with the help of Zyban, I kicked the habit.....all was good. My husband quit late that summer as well. Then...he started again(thinking I didn't know-but I could smell it on him every time-or the lingering odour out in the garage after he'd had one- after all, I'm not stupid).

Anyways, I started having one of his the odd time on the weekend with a beer(that would be my excuse-when I'm having a drink, I'll have a smoke). Then, come the new week-I'd be back on the wagon. I had no problem with this. After a few months-started having one with my weekend morning coffee...never bought any, just bummed his.

Well here I am now-the great weather is here. I've started buying and hiding a pack. Every morning after everyone is gone to school and work-I sneak into the backyard with my coffee and have a couple. Come home at lunch and once again sneak a couple in the backyard. He doesn't know this-nobody knows this. It appears though that I seem to have developed a bad habit again over the past couple of weeks.

Granted-I'm not smoking a pack a day like I was-just a couple in the morning, a couple at lunch--but I feel so guilty. I don't want to quit 100% again-I really find it relaxing and enjoyable(other than the guilt factor).

So-do I carry on the deceit, or do I tell him the truth? In all honesty-I don't see how he can say too much-he still smokes. I think he'll be disappointed in me because he was so proud....I'm torn.

Any advice?

caligirl

Ocassionally (like once or twice a month)

Robdar

Welcome to the forum. I can't tell you how many times I've stopped smoking ciggies only to start again. I feel for you.

Granted-I'm not smoking a pack a day like I was-just a couple in the morning, a couple at lunch--but I feel so guilty. I don't want to quit 100% again-I really find it relaxing and enjoyable(other than the guilt factor).

In my opinion, we can enjoy all things in moderation. The problem is that smoking is addictive and by having a cig here and there, you are playing with fire. But you know that.

So-do I carry on the deceit, or do I tell him the truth? In all honesty-I don't see how he can say too much-he still smokes. I think he'll be disappointed in me because he was so proud....I'm torn.

Any advice?

It is obviously bothering you so my suggestion is that you come clean with him.

Robyn

cyd0099

I have one when out on a night of drinking, or used to before smoking in bars became a crime here in Washington state. I still enjoy a pipe on my porch from time to time but with such infrequency that I consider myself a non-smoker.

Swan

Some questions for you to think about:

Do you do it because you like it, or do you do it because it is deceitful and secretive? Most secretive habits are more about the secretive than the actual habit itself. Do you feel like there is a part of you that you don't want anyone else to know about? Do you feel that others are getting too close to you and that this is a way to figuratively push them away? Do you get a thrill from the secretive act and the feeling of getting away with something, as well as needing the guilt and shame of it?

Tammy

Life Is Grand

I guess that is the problem-that I need to come clean with hubby....albeit he will be disappointed but we don't lie to each other about anything so I think that is what bothers me so much. It's really the first time I've kept something from him and I guess it's eating away at me.

I don't get any kind of satisfaction from keeping it secret--no, it's just a comfortable old habit that I've slipped back into and enjoy.

Ya, I think I need to just let him know the truth...not sure how to tell him...and deal with the consequences.

Thanks guys....

Snoozy

Yep...I know the feeling!

I quit for almost twenty years..then when I went to work started again...

Then when I quit work I too took meds. I took Wellbutrin and it helped me stop. After five years and hubby passing away I bought a pack one night..been smoking for 3 years now...

I got a prescription for Zyban from my Dr. but hesitate to quit. Like you..I really enjoy it.

A sad story..my Mom died from cancer and she had smoked most of her life. Back when she started Cigs. didn't have filters.. Yeah!

Anyway..when she was laying in a hospital bed dying..she kept making this one motion..it took a while to figure it out..she was playing like she was smoking a cig and flipping it in the ashtray!!!!

She couldn't talk anymore and it was her final days..but she had that so embedded in her mind she still wanted to smoke a cig.

We couldn't give her one because she was on oxygen and was out of her mind ..but she still had that imaginary cigarette.

Gotta quit someday..I felt so much better not smelling like a tobacco factory..yuck!

Snoozy..who only smokes outside...and not with others around..(No second hand smoke for them!)

Swan

Good luck!

Not an easy habit to break (so I hear) but as someone involved in other secretive habits, I wish you all the best. I'm sure your husband will be a lot less harder on you than you are on yourself.

Tammy

Life Is Grand

Snoozy-that is such a sad story regarding your mom but thank you for sharing.

My husbands father passed away from lung cancer a few years ago. It was so painful to watch him go through it. It's so awful that we purposefully do these hurtful things to our body-knowing the possible consequences.

We have a close friend who is currently in the final stages of cancer-started out as skin cancer, then spread throughout his body. The poor man is only 41 years old, never smoked a day in his life, active lifestyle....there is no rhyme or reason with cancer, it's just a horrible disease.

And yet we continue abusing ourselves-maybe it's human nature, I don't know. Everyone figures it won't happen to them.

Thanks again everyone...

FreeFromWTBS

I understand the feeling and I think once you have been a smoker you fall back a few/many times in your life. I know for me life tragedies tend to send me to smoke and for some reason I often cheat during my period(sometimes with the pain i think that is a life tradegy). I let myself have these little falls and then make sure I quit immediatly after. I just remember I used to smoke a pack a day and now I do far better than that. I also started exercising when I quit. I know I feel yucky when I exercise after smoking this motivates me to get right back in line after a fall. Overall, I remind myself over and over again I am only human, mistakes do happen and just do the best I can. I had this attitude before I was involved with the Witnesses and then they took that away. I got sick from the pressure of trying to be little miss perfect all time and keeping up with other people. Now I don't try to keep up with the Jones(in anyway). I just do what I can do, except the grace that faith in God through Christ has given me and do the best I can. Forgiving starts with yourself. You will quit again when you are ready. I think your husband will understand.

Closet Smokers????

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