Watchtower Article Titles We'll Never See

by COMF 21 Replies latest jw friends

  • COMF
    COMF

    I saw RedHorseWoman's thread title, "The Time is At Hand", and knew why she picked it: because the society uses that phrase all the time (or used to when I was in, anyway... I'm betting they still do). It reminded me of a district assembly part from along about 1983 called "Now is the Time" (can any of you brighter types guess which song they chose to accompany it?).

    This got me to thinking of how the society has these pet phrases they use over and over again, often featuring them in some thinly reworked format (like going from "Now is the Time" to "The Time is At Hand") as article titles. It would be interesting to see a variation on this theme: Titles You'll Never See in the Watchtower.

    Kicking things off with RedHorseWoman's classic:

    Now Is Not The Time!

    And, from the bowels of antiquity:

    Who Really Is Demonstrably Not the Faithful and Discreet Slave?
    Are You Ready For Jehovah's Day to be Postponed Indefinitely?
    Finding Hopelessness in a Thriving Economy
    Do Miracles Still Happen? Did they ever?
    Living a Life of Deep Regret
    Serving Disloyally with a Disloyal Organization
    Family Study that Brings Misery!
    Do You Live for Today or for a Nonexistent Future?
    Bearing Up Under Imagined Pressure
    Idiotic Advice for Modern Marriage
    Let Your Utterance Be Always Seasoned With Pepper
    Youths - Resist Pressure from the Congregation!
    Shepherding the Flock With Personal Gain in View
    Your Maker Cares Nothing for You
    Storing Up Riches in Real Estate
    Letting God's Name Be Sanctimonious
    Inspite of the News
    Love Believes All Things (and So Do Six Million Shmucks)

    Anybody got more?

    COMF

  • Naeblis
    Naeblis

    Chuckleicious. Muahahah

    :)

  • GentlyFeral
    GentlyFeral

    Oh, my favorite game! Only last time I played this it was "Assembly Talks We'll Never Hear." Two of my best ideas:

    Symposium:
    Serving God in This System of Things...
    ...With Atheists
    ...With People of Other Faiths
    ...With People of Other Sexual Orientations

    And, public talk at an international convention (for maximum impact!):

    God's Eternal Purpose Is More Complicated Than We Ever Imagined

    Love & Kisses,
    Gently Feral

  • jayhawk1
    jayhawk1

    Does JW Life Have A Purpose?
    The Second Greatest Man Who Ever Lived--C.T. Russell
    Masterbation--It Is Normal
    Field Service, Why It Is A Waste Of Time
    Sorry, We Were Wrong
    Revelation, Inspired By Bad Chicken!

    "Hand me that whiskey, I need to consult the spirit."-J.F. Rutherford

  • VeniceIT
    VeniceIT

    "Pedophiles among us!"

    Ven

    "The best way to convince a fool that he is wrong, is to let him have his own way."---Josh Billings

  • sunstarr
    sunstarr

    Revelation - It's Grand Climax in the Unforseeable Future!

  • jayhawk1
    jayhawk1

    All Scriptures Inspired By Men And Not Beneficial

    "Hand me that whiskey, I need to consult the spirit."-J.F. Rutherford

  • Nathan Natas
    Nathan Natas

    "From Paradise Lost to Now"

    "The "Truth" That Leads to a Wasted Life"

    "Babylon The Great Has Fallen - Big Honkin' Deal"

    "Let Us Be Found True"

    "Millions Now Living Will Eventually Die"

    "Is God Dumb?"

    "The Truth About Theocratic Lying"

    "No, We're Laughing WITH You!"

    and in the AWAKE! magazine (aka KIRAP!) "The Beauty of Porcupine Sex"

  • AngelofMuZiC
    AngelofMuZiC

    You guys are really hilarious!!!

    Some featured titles I thought would be good are:

    "Spotted and Blemished by the World"
    "You Can Live In Paradise-Achievment Through Higher Education"
    "My Prayers Were Never Answered"-experience by a street bum
    "Examining Penthouse Daily"
    "Youths-Get An Education!"
    "The Unimportance of Morality"

    There not as funny as the ones you've already posted, but I think they'd be interesting!
    Joanne

  • sunstarr
    sunstarr

    The Ever-Changing Finished Mystery.

Share this

Google+
Pinterest
Reddit