Yesterday was my birthday - Sunday is Father's Day. We went out to dinner (my first celebration in over 30 years), my husband gave me a beautiful gift, my kids were great, my sister (who's baptized, but on shaky ground herself) sent me flowers and joined us . . .
I'm filled with sadness for all the missed years . . . the years I should've sent my father a gift when he was alive, the years I should've celebrated with my mother and my own kids. I'm also filled with the sadness of losing my best friends, even though I have new friends - they don't understand what being in the org really means, and how it influenced the person I am today.
My new girlfriends are taking me out to celebrate next week - I hope I can shake this funk before then. I think I'm going to go have a good cry - maybe that will release some of this sadness . . .