So I have a Question...And I would appreciate an answer...^_^

by NaruNaruChan 21 Replies latest jw experiences

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  NaruNaruChan

  Wow, it's been FOREVER since I posted on here. Anyway, in the last three years I've managed to completely separate myself from the JW way of thinking. At this point, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that it's crap, and their teachings mean nothing to me... but my best friend made a terrible mistake, so I need some advice regarding his situation.

  The girl who converted me into being one of JWs when I was 17 started dating my best non-jw friend. They moved in together, and during that time she was doing the whole slow fade out of the religion. She told me, after I disassociated myself for being a lesbian, that she didn't believe in the religion... that "organized religion just didn't fit her personality." Anyway, she started dating my buddy, and told her very very JW family that they were living together, unwed. They put a TON of pressure on her, so she told him "If we get married, then we can live together without any problems and my family will leave me alone." She even told him (he didn't ask her to do this, either) that she was leaving the religion after they got married. Well he married her like a dumb ass, and guess what? She's more in it than ever!!

  So here's the worst part. Her mother like, controls her life. She cannot stand up to her, and at this point is taking medication (antidepressants and gavitrol) just to cope with her situation. She's pressuring my buddy to become a witness, and he won't budge. Now she's denying him sex, acting like a bitch, and throwing crazy ass fits. He's handling it, but it's difficult for him. What do you guys think I can tell him that will help him to deal with the situation? Anyway, thanks. ^_^
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  SixofNine

  Divorce court, post haste.
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  Robdar

  With all due respect, tell him to start talking to his wife, not his best friend, about the problems. If she wont listen, he needs to leave her. Sometimes distance is the best negotiator.

  Welcome back. Love the avatar.
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  AuldSoul

  Playing by their rules is his best bet if he wants to keep her. He should study all the WT publications referencing how wives with unbelieving mates are required to act and cram it down her throat. I would encourage him to meet with her elders and complain about her unwillingness to do what the Society says to do. If he first makes her sick to her gut of the elders meddling in their marriage he has a much better chance of prizing her away from the religion.

  If he is just past caring, divorce court (i.e. the "SixofNine Solution" <--- has a nice ring to it...rolls off the tongue nicely).
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  AlmostAtheist

  Does he love her? If he'd like to save the marriage, perhaps all he needs is some time. How long ago did she go from "I'm leaving the religion" to "gung-ho"? Even JW's recognize that the "gung-ho"-ness doesn't last. If she got a shot of sp'r'tuality and it carries her for a year, then fades away, perhaps she'll settle into someone he can live with again.

  I guess it's a question of how long he's willing to wait. And like AuldSoul said, reading up and seeing what his "rights" as an unbelieving mate are couldn't be a bad idea. I might dial it back a few notches from 'jam it down her throat', but knowledge is power in any event.

  Dave
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  AuldSoul

  Hi Dave! [waves to Dave]

  'jam it down her throat'

  "Cram," damnit! I said, "cram it down her throat."

  I was being facetious with the "action verb" choice. My point was essentially the same as yours. Knowledge is power. Right now he is fighting shadows in a void just to keep his wife. If he at least learns the terrain she's fighting on and where the land mines are (both for her and himself), he has a reasonably good chance of successfully navigating the minefield.
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  A Paduan

  Based on the information provided only - I'd say for him to leave, if he was married on a deceitful pretense - if it were a catholic wedding there'd probably be anullment if it were asked about - it's like he never was married in the first place - people don't deserve that s#^t.
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  greendawn

  We can see from this that JWs can't really mix with non JWs due to cultic and family pressures, it makes no sense to the typical dub to get married with someone that will soon get executed at armageddon, as they believe.
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  jwfacts

  Maybe he can subtly un-convert her. He should say that if he is to be a JW he needs to be convinced that it is the truth, and make her alone convince him it is the truth. He can then ask her questions that highlight the total stupidity of the Watchtower belief system.

  The information at http://jwfacts.com/index_files/5min.htm and http://jwfacts.com/index_files/questions.htm is very simple and may help him.

  There are no guarantees though. It does not sound like her emotional state is very good, and he will need to be aware not to push her beyond what she can bear.
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  nelly136

  maybe its a good thing shes with-holding the maritals dues, the last thing needed right now is a baby and a bigger emotional blackmail tool.