I managed to apologise to someone I used to shun.

by nicolaou 28 Replies latest jw experiences

  • nicolaou
    nicolaou

    In fact, over the past year there have been two such instances.

    A few weeks ago I was at a depot I visit once a month and I noticed someone who had been disfellowshiped about 8 or 9 years ago. I waited for him to finish his conversation and then approached him. He was and still is a very jovial, good natured Irishman and was good enough to shake my hand and accept my apology for having shunned him over the years.

    Another time I was at a retail park and saw Melissa* walking towards me. Melissa had been 'raised in the truth', married a brother and had 2 children quite quickly. While the kids were still quite young he left her and to their credit many in the congregation helped and supported her. This is easy to understand if you know Melissa, she is funny, kind and gentle. After a good deal of heartbreak she finally got her 'scriptural' divorce.
    For years she continued as a single Mum, bringing her young family to the meetings and going out in service. One Thursday night the announcement went out; "Melissa Smith is no longer one of Jehovah's Witnesses". Many sisters cried at that meeting.

    As a loyal JW - and to my shame - I shunned Melissa and her children several times and now here she was, walking in my direction one again. She had seen me and put her head down to pass me by.

    "Hi Mel" I said. I didn't deserve an answer and for a moment I didn't think I'd get one. She just looked at me, silent and surprised. "How are you"? I asked, feeling like an idiot. Still nothing. "Mel' I'm sorry, I'm sorry I ignored you and the children before". "That's okay" she mumbled, but it wasn't. I held her gaze and said one more time, "I'm sorry".

    Mel' burst into tears, she was so bitter and so angry. The resentment, frustration and pain she'd felt at being ignored by people she thought loved her just poured out of her. I felt wretched but the two of, who'd never really been that close, found ourselves hugging each other right there in the shopping centre car park. A lot more was said but I'll never forget how she thanked me for stopping her - I still don't feel I deserve any thanks.

    Now, whenever I'm out I keep an eye out for those I've shunned in the past, it's never too late to say you're sorry.

  • Warlock
    Warlock

    GOOD FOR YOU!!!!!!

    Warlock

  • purplesofa
    purplesofa

    I think of all the posts I have read ......this was the most beautiful.

    Thank-you for sharing

    purps

  • BrendaCloutier
    BrendaCloutier

    ((( Nic ))) Amends, apologies, powerful work. I'm very proud of you for taking the opportunity and not allowing it to pass you by. Maybe now Melissa can begin to heal.

  • restrangled
    restrangled

    Dear Nicklaou,

    Thank you for your post! It gives me hope as a shunned person that there are "real" individuals in the orginization.

    You are a true sweetheart.

    r.

  • parakeet
    parakeet

    Literally wiping away tears. A DFed person so beaten down by the cruelty of JW shunning that a small kindness makes her break down and cry. What a bunch of soulless, shriveled-hearted people from a small-minded, hate-mongering religion.

  • Virgochik
    Virgochik

    I'm so proud of you for doing the right thing...and what a difference you made in Melissa's day!

  • Stephanus
    Stephanus

    Did you ever find out what Melissa did that was supposedly so bad as to be disfellowshipped?

  • AuldSoul
    AuldSoul
    I still don't feel I deserve any thanks.

    I understand that sentiment. Getting thanked for becoming a decent human being is like thanking a dog for learning to go outside before it takes a leak.

    But, from her viewpoint, you became what a lot of those who stayed behind failed (so far) to become. You were more like the dog that navigated the entire obstacle course and won through to the other side. From her standpoint, I can understand why she might be thankful.

    I know I am proud to know so many decent human beings, considering where we came from. There's worse things one could become.

    Respectfully,
    AuldSoul

  • BlackPearl
    BlackPearl

    Wow Nico! YOU are an example of a true Christian, we're proud of you.

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