I am now confronting my molester.. PLEASE HELP ME NOW

Country Girl

I talked to him on the phone. I said that I wanted an apology for him molesting me and my brother by Sunday or I was going to take it to Court on Monday. He denied what he did to us, but he acknowledged YES on all the identifying questions. I said that he KNEW what he did.. and I had spent 20 years trying to find him.. and I wasn't giving up now. Not when I had him now after all these years. He said he'd take a lie detector test to PROVE he didn't do it. He says h e doesn't remember doing that. It was 40 years ago..

Should I entertain his takinga lie detector, or just forget about his bullshit and just file suit? I need some serious talk right now. Need someone to call and talk about this. Please, if you can, call and talk to me about this, I am confused and upset.

PM me and I'll give you my numberCG

gwyneth

My thoughts are with you...I hope someone with experience in this matter and whom you trust PMs you very soon, if not already. Best of luck.

parakeet

I would recommend that you consult with an appropriate attorney before taking any further steps in this process. There are too many things that could go wrong for you legally if you don't have competent counsel. I believe some posters made recommendations on your previous thread. Best of luck to you.

wednesday

CG

I would not call him any further, He could accuse you of harassing him. Just call the atty and file your civil suit if that is the way you want to/can afford to. Lie detectors test are not useful with psychopaths. they really believe their lies, so they will pass them

Civil suits are easier to win and the court is willing to accept evidence a regular court would not. (remember the OJ Simpson trial)

I know this is terrible, really I do. Don't call or contact him again without an atty advice. He's not going to admit what he did. He is afraid he would go to jail. so don't expect that to happen

love and prayers to you right now.

weds

bebu

(((CG)))

Wow, that's sounds traumatic!!!!

I don't know how to advise you in this at all, except to take care of yourself first. It sounds like you are going to need a lot of TLC. You know you have my support--on top of everyone else who is here!

bebu

Leolaia

Wow, what guts it must've taken to speak to the guy! I also would urge caution....also, if he at all has a tendency to view people in an objectifying way (w/o empathy), I could imagine him not remembering after all these years...

MidwichCuckoo

I said that I wanted an apology for him molesting me and my brother by Sunday or I was going to take it to Court on Monday.

Gosh Country Girl - you mean you'd be content with just an apology after spending so long trying to find him?

Will your brother be pressing charges too? Think how many others there could be. Can he deny several accusations?

I have to agree with other posters - don't contact him again. I sincerely hope you get the result you want.

Lady Lee

I agree with the other posters. Don't try to contact him.

Abusers have been waiting and preparing for the day they will be openly accused ever since the first time they touch a child. Taking a lie detector test probably won't help determine his guilt. Abusers live in a world of denial so a test just might show he did nothing.

There are some important issues for you to consider.

By calling him you have put him on the alert. He has been waiting for his opportunity to lie his butt off for 40 years.

There may be a statute of limitations regarding how long you have to file charges. Some places say 7 years from the time you remember the abuse or from the time you started counseling. In some cases there is no limitation.

Taking him to court and having the case thrown out is not going to help you.

But there are some things that can help.

Get the book Toxic Parents by Susan Forward. The back of the book has a whole section on parents who abuse and how to confront them about what they did. The whole book is a great read and essential reading for anyone considering a confrontation. Regardless of what his response is the confrontation needs to be healing for YOU. The book is easy to find. Try your library or used book store. I googled the book and got her webpage. Forward, Susan Her book is still available on amazon.com. There is a link to it on her website.

Then talk to a lawyer before you go any further to find out what your rights are

acquittal

Respect, Country Girl. You are the first one in my life who has the courage to call such an ugly crocodile after so many years.

You have got good recommendations on this. I would say, too, to take the right steps at the right time. This means that you need an experienced attorney on this topic. It would be a shame if you power yourself out and realize that you should have done it better with legal counsel and reasonable support. Please watch your step and sharp your knife.

All the best to you wishes

acquittal

Lady Lee

You are the first one in my life who has the courage to call such an ugly crocodile after so many years

I confronted my father in person. While he didn't admit it, he didn't deny it either. His comments was

"If you think I'mn going to apologize you're crazy"

My social worker was against the confrontation but it was something I really felt I needed to do. I wish I'd had the book Toxic Parents before I did it though. My abuser was a violent person and he was the kind of person a survivor should never confront face to face.

But I did it and then went to thew rest of the family to tell them about the abuse and to warn them to protect their children.

I am now confronting my molester.. PLEASE HELP ME NOW

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