OMG! Just had Mormons for 2 hours! What a great laugh!

by Mr Ben 12 Replies latest jw friends

Mr Ben

OMG! Just had Mormons for 2 hours! What a great laugh! They’re more nuts than we were!
Knock! Knock! Two ladies at the door with shoulder bags. Oh dear, thinks I. Then I notice their badges, they are Mormons.
So I invite them in to engage them in a few insights I have as a recovering victim of a different cult. Everything said was at all times polite and in good spirits, but sometimes I just could not contain my laughter.
I won’t bore you all with the full 2 hours but here is a little condensed snippet for your amusement, and I’ll leave the rest to your imagination!
Mr Ben – So according to that scripture you read, God created ALL things. Yes? Ok. So who created malaria? I mean there is a specific human malaria that has an exceedingly complex life-cycle, and given that it is estimated that malaria has killed possibly one out of two people ever to have existed. So according to your belief system God created diseases that make us suffer and kill us, yes?
Mormon – Well, before Adam & Eve transgressed [they noticeably avoided the word “sin”, any idea why?] no animals consumed each other, so malaria wouldn’t have harmed us.
Mr Ben – I see, I see. All vegetarians, yes? Ok. By the way, that fly that’s bothering you might get eaten by the spider that’s up in the corner there. But that’s subject of great controversy, yes? I mean, spiders eating oranges!
Mormon – Huh?
Mr Ben – Well, of the thousands of species of spider, not one of them has a vegetarian diet. All but one species is venomous; all have a delivery system for both venom and proteins to liquefy their prey; all have an attitude becoming of a predator, stealth, sudden attack etc. How did they obtain these weapons if God had already rested on the last day?
Mormon – Well, we cannot begin to comprehend the wonder of all God’s works.
Mr Ben – But I did comprehend, just then, comprehension prompted the question. Do you have an answer?
Mormon – Well, transgression has changed the nature of the whole world in the last six or so thousand years.
Mr Ben – Oh dear. So six thousand years ago all of species of that exist on earth were all vegetarian? Yes? Ok. And in just six thousand years the majority became predatory? Did you know that maybe 99% of all living things are parasitic? Do you believe in evolution?
Mormon – No.
Mr Ben – But you believe that in just six thousand years nearly all living species evolved from something else? Phew! That’s a lot more evolution than I believe in!
Mormon – Well no, I mean that’s only because Adam & Eve transgressed, everything was perfect at that time, everything had everlasting life.
Mr Ben – You mean Adam & Eve had everlasting life?
Mormon – Erm, no… [quite embarrassed now] I mean everything did.
Mr Ben – Did you say everything did?
Mormon – Yes [dismayed!]
Mr Ben – You that fly again? Let’s suppose all its eggs hatch, things being perfect in those days, and all their eggs hatch, and so on for maybe a year, then you’d have a ball of maggots the size of the earth! Do you find that likely?
Mormon – Well no. Actually, there were no eggs, because there was no sex and no eating or drinking or anything like that because everything was perfect.
Mr Ben – [Laughing now] Oh my, you really are in a twizzle! Everything was vegetarian and never ate! Do you perceive any inconsistency in that?
Mormon – Well, I’d never really thought of it like that.
Mr Ben – That’s ok, I’ll help you. Please tell me, did God go around every single creature after the transgression and add sexual organs, wombs, stomachs, anuses, taste buds etc. Do you find that credible?
Mormon – Well I put my faith in God.
Mr Ben – And you do have to have an awful lot of faith to believe that, ha ha! No, no, I shouldn’t laugh. Tell me why did the dinosaurs go extinct if everything was perfect, I suppose Adam used a Tyrannosaurus Rex to plough his fields!
Mormon – Well, actually… [hesitates, a REALLY good sign that she is mortified about the next “truth”, and sure enough…] …actually God brought all the fossils from other planets.
Mr Ben – Waaaaaaahahahahahahahahahahah! Why not believe invisible space elephants brought them – it’s equally as likely!
… and so on… but I can’t tell you any more as I’m off to the pub to watch England v Portugal.
Did I say how happy I am to be out of a cult!
Mr Ben
carla

I wish my jw could knock on your door! If you remember more, post it!
Finally-Free

Mormon – Well, we cannot begin to comprehend the wonder of all God’s works.

Their own admitted lack of comprehension doesn't stop them from going from door to door to spread their lack of comprehension, does it?
Someone who "cannot begin to comprehend the wonder of all God’s works" probably shouldn't be out there trying to teach others.
What I can't understand is how you could talk to them for 2 hours! I think you must need a beer by now!
W
Snoozy

That just confirms my thoughts that ALL religions have some nutty quirks about them!
There is no such thing as the "Right" religion!
People talk about how disgusting the JW's are but really..don't ALL religions have some nutty beliefs? Yep!
Did you ever imagine what it would be like if your relatives were mormons or jewish or ?
Snoozy Q....
greendawn

I notice how these cults start with mainstream religious ideas to give the impression that they are normal people and put the listener at rest and only later begin to reveal their outlandish ideas.

However I don't think that lower forms of life like insects were not meant to eat each other or be eaten by higher life forms eg birds. They are too minor and ephemeral to worry about.
free2beme

You know what is funny. I have actually seen Mormons defended on this site on many occasions, by former Witnesses, claiming they are not a cult. Yet when I read your post, I am thinking "CULT!"
katiekitten

Mr Ben thats hilarious!!!
Mormon – Well, actually… [hesitates, a REALLY good sign that she is mortified about the next “truth”, and sure enough…] …actually God brought all the fossils from other planets.
Its so great to find a religion more loony than the one I used to belong to! Thank god we didnt have to tell people that on the doors!
BTW - might I know you? I used to be in Dewsbury Cong and also Heckmondwyke Cong in the 70's and 80's when I was a kid.
BTW - isnt the England Portugal match pure torture?
smellsgood

Mr.Ben,

I see you went after some of the biblical based beliefs, but I would point out that their own books much like the watchtower publications are really their more common religious fodder. besides, any mormon will tell you the BOM, POGP, etc, are the "restored" gospels, and more trustworthy than the bible cos the bible "has been translated just so many times!"

I've heard that mormonism doesn't go over very well in europe...it is an american raised/based religion.

This may not be in any of their books, but the mormon my friend dated for four years or so told her about a belief that the devil lives underwater, and this is why a mormon would not go swimming while he/she's is on a mission...

The book of mormon itself was written in 14th century english, while Joseph lived in the 19th century (copy KJV)

Although the book of Mormon itself was WRITTEN in english, no translation necessary INTO english, it has had 3,000 changes made to it in its short scriptural existence.

the native americans jewish decent, polygamy, holy underwear, baptism of the dead, blood atonement (sometimes you need to atone for your own sins), the fact that you a man must call his wifes special name given to her in the "temple" for her to go to heaven...

the book of abraham translated from a papyrus joseph smith thought had been lost "God breathed" text...only to be discovered years later again, a picture of Isis and Osiris on the cover, (he thought it was Abraham I believe), and once translated by actual egyptologists, the fact that joseph had made the entire thing up in his fantasy land was clear as ink.

"Not only is there no archeological evidence for a language such as “reformed Egyptian hieroglyphics,” there is no archeological support for lands such as the “land of Moron” (Ether 7:6). Nor is there any archeological evidence to buttress the notion that the Jaredites, Nephites, and Lamanites migrated from Israel to the Americas. On the contrary, both archeology and anthropology demonstrate conclusively that the people and places chronicled in the Book of Mormon are little more than the product of a fertile imagination.

Finally, Joseph Smith asserted that the golden plates were translated “by the power of God” and produced “the most correct of any book on earth.” Joseph F. Smith, the sixth president of the Mormon Church, went so far as to say that the words were not only correct but “every letter was given to [Smith] by the gift and power of God.” In reality, however, the Book of Mormon has had to be corrected thousands of times to compensate for Smith’s poor grammar and spelling."

http://www.equip.org/free/JAM530.htm

mormonism is pretty interesting. I live in a town where the majority of the pop. is mormons, school is run by them, etc...

felt sorry for the schoolmates who had to get up at 5:00 every morning to go to services before school.

last mormons i saw were at a salon in wal mart, with their little nametags and bookbags, spending quite sometime I suppose looking for pomeade to style theirselves purdy.

smellsgood
Qcmbr

Those missionaries aren't teaching doctrine of the church that's why they faltered.

The LDS church does not teach that the earth was made in 6000 years and nothing existed before or that prior to that nothing killed anything. The LDS faith teaches (as does the bible when you actually read it in a strict way) that 6000 years ago (roughly) following an indeterminate period of time (six periods of time plus a seventh special one) of organisation upon an already existing planet (creation ex nihilo is rejected) which resulted in the production of a race upon the earth called the family of Adam. This family recorded their dealings with God in a small enclosed area of the whole earth where specific kinds of animals resided - also prepared at the same time as Adam. Following the transgression (well spotted that we don't call it a sin - we are vehemently opposed to the JW doctrine that condemns Adam and Eve - they are instead considered great hero's who had the courage to accept the consequences of mortality to gain the rewards of eternity rather than sitting like children in a nice garden forever) the garden was then protected and eventually removed while all those things in the garden became mortal (some form of bio engineering?). Brigham Yound said that the earth was ancient and very old, modern day prophets have also agreed that evolution is a process which God can use with one exception - the creation of Adam 6000 years ago was a specific creation in the likeness of the gods (i.e. the male God and the female God) as described in the beginning of the bible when the gods got together. Now we also teach that God himself was once a man who progressed through a similar eternal pattern (i.e. at some stage wasn't God) but most christianity considers such teaching heretical but then they don't have any more directions in the form of scripture from God either. The whole idea of this earth is to become like our Father and then repeat the cycle on other worlds. This earth itself must have been used before - just not for the family of Adam.

Corrections in the Book Of Mormon - Joseph Smith dictated the book without punctuation as there was none on the records. The scribes inserted punctuation and made spelling mistakes. Joseph then had to go back over the written documents and correct what he could remember where he saw an incorrect transcription. The typesetter being used to putting in punctuation but not being a prophet or inspired also made several changes. There are very few changes to the actual doctrinal content and where these changes are made it is in teh nature of changing a word which means something different rather than scrubbing verses x through y and then making something new up instead.

Of course the bible's billions of changes (made by scholars at best but often by politically motivated individuals) barely raise a comment. Pick up your NWT and compare to the King James vesrion and you'll find loads of differences. At least we had the balls to claim ours where directed by a prophet the only person authorised to make ANY interpretations of scripture - but that's another argument altogether.
Sirona

ROFLMAO
Thanks for giving me the best laugh so far today! !!!!
Vegetarians who don't eat? LOL
Sirona

OMG! Just had Mormons for 2 hours! What a great laugh!

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