Leaving the family to become an adult

by greendawn 11 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  undercover

  Not so good...

  My parents, my mother specifically, did not want to let us go into the "world" on our own.

  I don't know if it was my parents or the JW mentality, but they didn't want even grown children moving out. It was my mom's feeling that we should all stay in the same house until marriage. Only one of my sisters moved out at marriage. The rest of us left years before getting married. And my mom resented it for some reason. My moving out in my mid-20s caused an ugly scene. I think my dad just went along with her to make her feel good. He's the one that had to live with her after we were gone, he had to at least keep on her good side.

  I've noticed not only through my own experience but in watching young ones moving out on their own since, most dub kids have no idea how the real world works. They've been sheltered from everything and then all of a sudden, they're thrown into it. Some adapt pretty well, others don't, but most of them could have been better prepared, but the whole JW lifestyle prevents children from becoming mature adults in a progressive manner.
• 

  rebel8

  I had anxiously awaited my independence from the time I was 4 or 5.

  Me too! I would always daydream about living on my own & not having to deal with my mother's & sister's bizarre behavior. They are both extremely manipulative but seem ever so innocent & nice to everyone else. barf For approximately....hmmm.....forever, I've wanted to move across the country, away from the past (and snow lol). Hoping to do so within the next few years.... Got kicked out on Christmas for finally using physical force (1 punch) to defend myself against a lifetime of emotional abuse. I had recently turned in my pioneer ID card and told the elders I would never return to the KH. Although I had been freed of the emotional abuse from the congregation, the emotional abuse from my mother and sisters worsened to an intolerable level.

  Had very little cash to my name because of the typical control freak parent who didn't allow me to have savings. Mother threw me out of the house as a desperate attempt to "get me to realize" how much I needed her. Guess she showed me--I've not lived with her for 20 years and counting. I'd rather starve than live with them ever again.

  Over the years, she and a sister of mine have used tons of toxic techniques to try to manipulate me so they wouldn't loosen their grip. About 4 yrs ago, I severed the contact almost entirely. That's when I really became free.

  I continue to have very minimal contact with my mother, because my dad wants me to. However, I set the boundaries and cease contact immediately if she crosses them.

  *manipulated no longer*