what will they do?

bluebeads

Hi everyone!

You all have been so helpful to me, much thanks to you guys.

Due to the recent posts about df'ing and the like i was wondering what would happen to me. I'm 19 soon to be 20, i'm an unbaptized publisher but i want to fade and leave this crappola. My plan is to first finish school and move out and move on. Here's the question...there is this guy i really really like, he somewhat knows and understands what i'm going through...

he's definelty interested and i wouldn't turn him down..what happens if i start dating him once i start fading away? will i be disfellowshipped (no? b/c i'm not baptized...right?) or disassociated?

what if things get serious and we have sex while i'm fading...will the elders tell my parents and siblings not to associate with me?

i'm very scared and am not sure what will happen..they are my only family. i have no aunts, uncles, grandparents or cousins to turn to... so to lose my family b/c i'm not careful how i do thiings will break my heart.

is there any easy way out of this without losing the people i love?

thanks for your help.

stillajwexelder

In theory (care) they can not shun you because you were not baptized - but in practice they can

FadingAway

Hey bluebeads,

In the "Organized To Do Jehovah's Will" book on pages 157-158, it talks about unbaptized publisher's and wrongdoing. If the UB is unrepentant, an announcement is made that they are no longer recognized as a UB and cannot turn in field service time. They are viewed as a person of the world and its up to the individual JW to associate with them or not based on 1 Co 15:33.

However as stilla said, they can't shun you because you are not baptized, but most JWs I know, they will take a hardline stance and probably shun since they think they are following 1 co 15:33. Depends on what kind of pressure the elders will put on your family if they continue to associate with you.

Good luck,

FA

troubled mind

It really depends on the congregation your folks are attend .In the KH we attended I know of a couple of young ones that faded then started dating , and their family accepts it because they were not baptized . It is an individual decision .

inbyathread

what if things get serious and we have sex while i'm fading...will the elders tell my parents and siblings not to associate with me?

Tell me if I'm wrong but you are not going to have sex with the Elders are you? How would the elders find out? That being said. Please Whoa! Stop! Hold on! You haven't even dated this guy yet and you're already talking about sex? If you want to date, then date. Use the time to learn about him. His likes and dislikes. You don't need to know if he likes sex. Most boys do. Allow the relationship to grow slowly. You'll enjoy yourself and him all the more so.

No Apologies

Well you've made it to age 19 and avoided getting dunked, that's a good thing. The best way to handle having a worldly boyfriend is to keep it on the down-low as much as possible. Hopefully he will realize you are not embarrassed by him and that its not because you dont want to be seen with him, its just that your family is in a wacky religion. I am sure there are dozens of people here who can easily explain it to him if he has a hard time understanding your situation.

Elders do not have Super powers, the only way for them to find out you are dating or whatever is if you tell them. Well, or if someone else tells them. Loose lips sink ships. Even then, you are 19, you are not baptized, they have zero control over you.

Let me repeat this: They have zero control over you.

Unfortunately, they don't always realize this fact. But that's their problem, not yours.

It sounds like your main concern is how your parents will react. I don't know your whole situation, but once you become financially independent and get out from under their roof you will have much more freedom and your fade can progress much more rapidly. I'm not saying you have to move out onto the street or with a boyfriend who may or may not be the right guy just this instant, but that should be your longterm goal. If you have to be a little secretive about your life and your personal affairs until that happens, well, call it theocratic warfare.

Did I mention that as an adult who has never been baptized, the elders have zero control over you?

No Apologies

Thinkagain

Remember to think with your free mind, don't let fear controll your thoughts.

If he is the right one for you , you will know with out the sex.

Get some good education and be true to your self. Bless you.

Robdar

he's definelty interested and i wouldn't turn him down..what happens if i start dating him once i start fading away? will i be disfellowshipped (no? b/c i'm not baptized...right?) or disassociated?

You can't be d/f because you were not baptised. Even if you were baptised, I don't see how they can d/f you for dating a worldly guy. I was a baptised publisher when I eloped with my "worldly" boyfriend. I didn't get d/f.

what if things get serious and we have sex while i'm fading...will the elders tell my parents and siblings not to associate with me?

Most likely but how are they going to know you are having sex? If you use birth control, be sneaky and keep your mouth shut, who will be the wiser?

beautifulisfree

Hi -

Congratulations on not being batized!! They have no 'real' power over you...but thay will act like they do. When it comes to shunning ...friends and family don't care if your babtized or not. They will regard you as leaving Jehovahs org and there is nothing in the whole wide world that could be worse then that! If you are 'caught' having sex with your 'friend' they will say 'See what happens to people when they leave Jehovah' I suggest saving money and making new friends on the down low. Trust me it is one of the hardest things ever to loose your family but you will survive and it's their lose. I wish you all the luck in the world in whatever course you may choose!! Keep us posted and remember you always have friends here.

mama1119

You have to remember no matter what back room they get you in you dont owe them any information.......you DO NOT have to tell them anyhting, they have no REAL control (although they do not know that)

what will they do?

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