Parents Just Don't Understand!

by Sparkplug 12 Replies latest jw friends

Sparkplug

Ok, so I got in a fight with my brother today. I was so upset. Well my mom called and while I was upset I blurted out a comment on how easy it is for people in our family to cut people off. There is no forgiving, that is no understanding, but just a lot of self righteous condescending bullshit. (Yeah I said Bullshit, with a capital B)

I then proceeded to let her know how crazy it is that the whole religion of JW's just slices up families and teaches such a warped way to handle your problems. If you don't like someone....cut them off.
She asked me what I meant with a protective panic in her voice. I asked her just matter of factly, how in the world did she decide to become a Jehovahs Witness. I mentioned that she had to have been something else before. Wasn't she a Baptist before?
Well that left me open to a preaching episode. (I should have stopped while I was ahead..) I heard how she had been so immoral and how blah blah and Jah blah Blah and ...well you get the picture.
So after a good amount of listening quietly, I did it. I asked her how she could follow someone who was into pyramid worship, and how could she stay a JW when obviously Jesus did not take over in 1914? She then gave me the time, time and half a time speech...
I said ok, skip past the date. How can you baptise anyone at age 15 and knowing they will more than likely fail set them up to not be a member of the family anymore. She then told me that SHE DID NOT WANT THE BROTHERS TO BAPTIZE ME. Well that was a new one. I did not know what to think, but it kind of made me sad that despite her telling them that I was not ready at 14 years of age...that they still did. This was my parent telling them this. So I got baptised, went to serve where the "need was great". and came back to a mother DF'ed (she now is reinstated) and moved out all between March and June of the same year. I was not even 15, and I moved out.
She did not answer how could they let me, or do it against her will...just that she did not want me to be baptised. When I said they split up families she really got upset and I had to tell her to forget I asked anything. That I was just upset and just let out what I normally keep to myself. I tried to fix it and just let her know that I am sure everyone would say I was apostate by my asking these things, but that if the definition of an apostate was just a person that left the religion they were in...then that is not so bad to be. Besides I said to her, I don't even believe in god. That I have no faith.
Her answer was just this.
"Well Honey have you prayed on this?" Parents just do not get it sometimes. She missed it completely. I said to her between laughing something about how do I pray to something that I don't believe in? She then said how much I must be hurting and that she feels so much pity for me. So I told her that as much pity as she felt for me, I felt the same and more because she still believed in it. Also, she was an adult when she chose this. I never really had a choice.
So she let me know that I was just angry at choices I made. I let her know that that was not really it. I was just mad that I was put into a religion that let kids make decisions at such ages that they don't understand, and how even if I believed in Jesus...he would have been a perfect...A PERFECT MAN...and he waited till 30. So how in the world was I sopposed to figure out something a perfect man avoided till 30 and some? I told her I could be 70 and still would not have the smarts a 30 year old perfect man had...

She really started to get upset, so I told her that I was sorry and just forget I said anything. That I normally keep this all to myself and discuss it with people I know that have left also. I was sure it hurt her concience and that I would stop. Just forget I said anything.
So, then I mentioned my graduation party and that I heard she wanted to come for a bit. Well she actually still wanted to when I told her a lot of EX-JW's were to be there.
She said that she was not going to pull out a Bible and they were not going to Tell her that they were not JW's anymore, so she did not see a problem with coming to the party no matter who all is there. You could have pushed me over with a feather.
I tell you what, if you show up for my party on the 28th...don't tell my mom you are an apostate. Jus for the sake of peace...please? lol BUT I am Serious. It is a HUGE thing for her to go, and I think she should enjoy her hour that she comes.

Thanks guys.

Now what do you think?
Oh, and somewhere in there she mentioned how awful it was when she watched TV and saw someone who had a family member killed and they got up on the stand and professed to be Christian and forgave the murderer making sure everyone heard how thay were Christian. She said nobody has to forgive that..How nobody is expected to be made to forgive someone for something like that when they are JW's...
Whoa...I said, people are told to forgive my OTHER brother and he molested children. They have to sit in the hall and be a BROTHER OR SISTER to this child molester. they have to smile if he comes to a picnic, and they have to go preach to people and sit with him for conventions. She did not really answer me, but she let me know that in a few minutes how easy you can tell how warped he is.

I say avoidance. Avoidance, avoidance. I spend my life avoiding speaking my mind to my family because they cannot handle the truth.
Errr....it just burns me up at times.

So now, what do you think?
In Between

WOW! You brought up some excellent points! Parents that have been in for so long, in my experience, are so brain dead, they won't get anything you try to tell them. They are like robots, following their 'program', or like worker ants that just do their job.

Glad you got a chance to let off some steam. A margarita might help about now! LOL!

Hang in there. I think most of us get really frustrated by family or friends still attached at the hip to the wtbs. It's got to make you feel good that at least your eyes have been opened :)

Hope the rest of your week goes better.
Sparkplug

In Between-
It truly has been a rough week. It started the day I got back from my nice relaxing 4 -5 days and it is almost as if everyone cannot stand me in a relaxed mode. I should not be so arrogant to think they actually think that much about me though. The cards just fell really hard this week. Really hard.
It is a great feeling and a terrible feeling all at once to be awakened.
It always hurts to see others still asleep. Stuck in the dream wold, so to speak.
Were you always in Colorado? Were you a JW there?
In Between

I've been in Colorado since 1996 ... was a somewhat active jw until about 2 1/2 years ago. It started with a couple in 1 cong., then some elders, then a different set of elders, so called friends that get self rightous and better than you. Shoot, I even had the C.O. tell one body of elders to use me, that I was a great asset to the cong. Missed a month of meetings with bronchitis and do you think I got even one lousy phone call? This right after his visit!

Sorry, I could fill this page with all the crap that's happened in the last 6 years ... like my x-wife, who was df'd and left the state illegally with my daughter, only to be reinstated in daddy's cong. even though she was breaking a court order at the time.

It just that I finally got fed up 2 1/2 years ago. The fade started and is never going to stop ...

Anyway, sorry for the rough time your having. Hopefully, this week will be better. And don't let that suggestion of having a margarita slide by ... it always helps me feel better! :)
Sparkplug

Sorry, I could fill this page with all the crap that's happened in the last 6 years ... like my x-wife, who was df'd and left the state illegally with my daughter, only to be reinstated in daddy's cong. even though she was breaking a court order at the time.

Damn. Now that is rough. I would say it does not suprise me, but sometimes I still am.
If I had the ingredients...I would join you in a Margarita.
In Between

Margaritas ... one of life's simple pleasures that help ease the pain ... LOL!
daniel-p

Parents Just Don't Understand by D.J. Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince
You know, parents are the same, no matter time nor place
They don't understand that us kids are gonna make some mistakes
So tell you other kids all across the land
There's no need to argue, parents just don't understand
I remember one year, my mom took me school shoppin'
It was me, my brother, my mom, oh my pop,
And my little sister all hopped in the car
We headed downtown to the Gallery Mall

My mom started buggin' with the clothes she chose
I didn't say nothin' at first, I just turned up my nose
She said, "What's wrong, the shirt costs twenty dollars."
I said, "Mom, This shirt is plaid, with a butterfly collar.

The next half hour was the same old thing
My mother buyin' me clothes from 1963
And then she lost her mind and did the ultimate
I asked her for Adidas, and she bought me Zips!

I said, "Mom, what are you doin'? You'll ruin my rep."
She said, "You're only 16, you don't have a rep yet."
I said, "Mom, let's put these clothes back, please."
She said, "No. You go to school to learn, not for a fashion show."

I said, "This isn't shinin' armor, c'mon mom, I'm not bousers.
Mom, please put back the bell bottom, Brady Bunch trousers.
But if you don't want to I can live with that, but,
You've gotta put back the double-knit, reversable slacks"

She wasn't with it, everything stayed the same
Inevitably, the first day of school came
I thought I could get over, I tried to play sick
But my mom said, "No, no way, Uh-uh. Forget it."

There was nothin' I could do. I tried to relax
I got dressed up in those ancient artifax
And when I walked in to school, it was just as I thought
The kids were crackin' up, laughin' at the clothes mom bought

And those who weren't laughin' still had a ball
'Cuz they were pointing and whistling as I walked down the hall
I got home and told my mom how my day went
She said, "If they were laughin' you don't need 'em, cuz they're not good
friends."

For the next six hours I tried to explain to my mom
That I was gonna have to go to just about 200 more times
They didn't speak, I said, I want to plead my case
So tell you other kids all across the land
There's no need to argue, parents just don't understand
Ok. Here's the situation. My parents went away on a week's vacation
And, they left the keys to the brand new Porsche
Do they mind? Mmm, well, of course not!
I'll just take it for a little spin, and maybe show it off to a couple of
friends
I'll just cruise it 'round the neighborhood
Well, maybe I shouldn't. Yeah! Of course I should!

Pay attention, here's the thick of the plot
I pulled up to the corner at the end of my block
And that's when I saw this beautiful girly-girl walkin'
I picked up my car phone to perpatrate like I was talkin'

You shoulda seen this girls bodily demensions
I honked my horn, just to get her attention
She said, "Was that for me?" I said, "Yeah." She said, "Why?"
I said, "Come on and take a ride with a hell of a guy."

She said, "How do I know you're not sick.
You could be some deranged lunatic."
I said, "Come on, toots. My name is the Prince.
Besides, would a lunatic have a Porsche like this?"

She agreed, and we were on our way
She was lookin' very good, so I was I, I must say, WORD!
We hit McDonalds, pulled up to the driveway
We ordered two Big Macs, and two large fries and Cokes

She kicked her shoes off onto the floor
She said, "Drive fast, speed turns me on."
She put her hand on my knee, I put my foot on the gas
We almost got whiplash, we took off so fast

The sun roof was open, the music was high
And this girl's hand was thouroughly moving up my thigh
She had opened up three buttons on her shirt so far
I guess that's why I didn't notice that police car

We're doin' ninety in my mom's new Porsche
And to make this long story short, short
When the cop pulled me over, I was scared as hell
I said, "I don't have a license, but I drive very well, officer!"

I almost had a heart-attack that day
Come to find out the girl was a 12 year old runaway!
I was arrested, the car was impounded
There was no way for me to avoid being grounded

My parents had to come off from vacation and get me
I'd rather be in jail, than to have my father hit me
My parents walked in and I got my grip
I said, "Uh...mom, dad...How was your trip?!"

They didn't speak, I said, "I wanna play my case."
But my father just shoved me in the car by my face
That was a hard ride home, I don't know how I survived it
They took turns..one would beat me while the other was drivin'!

I can't believe it! I just made a mistake
Well, parents are the same, no matter time nor place
So tell you other kids all across the land
Take it from me, parents just don't understand
sass_my_frass

It's brilliant that you get to talk to her. My mum went into hysterics when I brought up, actually I forget what it was now, I was so surprised by her reaction and went into 'calm the crazy lady' mode. If she keeps coming back, hey there's a chance right?
Country Girl

Sparkie:
No, they don't. But sometimes we don't understand our own kids, either. It's what they call the "generation gap" only in this case is the "cognitive dissonance" gap. For me: I can't understand the things my kid does sometimes. Yet, at the same time, my parents didn't understand some of the things that I did. I'm not sure if it's all the JW's, the age difference, or the combination of both. My best thought is that it's a combination of both.
Although she gave you the usual JW runaround: twisting words, testing you with all the latest sales scams to get people to convert, you stood your ground and just brought it down to basics. Good for you! If you don't believe in God, how can you pray to something you don't believe in? Doesn't that ring any bells? You can't convert or reinstate someone who doesn't believe in the basic premise of a religion. Won't work. I fail to see how they understand that, but they are taught to persevere and endure.
Thank heaven (oh no! another Christian!) she agreed to come to your graduation! That's enough to be thankful for for now, right? Just let her have a good time and see that all the XJW's don't bite and they won't scar her for life and give her the 666.
Good luck and I'd just chalk this episode up to relatives trying to control your happiness.
Congratulations. Love you.. and remember that it just takes time.
CG
lowden

Hi Sparkplug
I'm a parent of 3 lads ( 14,16,18 ) and the trick for parents to understand or get right, is the time when we start respecting our kids and talking to them like they're adults. This is for me the crux of the matter. We also sometimes think that WE always know what's best for them and while this is often true, it's not always the case. Some parents are pig-headed and blinkered and this is reeeeaally hard for a young person to take....and rightly so. We can't chose our parents and neither can we chose our kids.
Good Luck!
Peace
Lowden

Parents Just Don't Understand!

Share this