A question about the ladies

cyberdyne systems 101

Ok firstly I have nothing against ladies, especially any of the lovely ones here - some of whom I recently had the pleasure of meeting in the flesh at Englishmans BBQ, and I must say what a great group of girls we have here!

Anyway back to my question, a number of times I have noticed that some women seem to go quiet on you rather than tell you what they feel. Almost like pushing you away because they can't speak about whatever it is. Example: your in a relationship and they change their minds about it, but instead of talking to you and saying something like 'i've decided i'm not ready for a relationship' or 'I dont think we are working out because of such and such' , they go AWOL and then get all defensive about it, as though your asking for an explaination is bang out of order. Now is this typical or just a trend i've personaly noticed?

CS 101

dmouse

I've not had many relationships so I'm guessing here.

I would say men are just as likely to do the same thing, and I think it's to do with feelings of guilt...or maybe they are feeling unhappy but just can't articulate why. Perhaps a person gets like that in order to provoke the other partner into breaking up the relationship so the responsibility isn't theirs. I personally find it easier to be dumped than be the dumper because I can cope with my own pain but find it traumatic to think about pain I'd caused others.

An interesting question but I would think there are multiple answers.

LDH

'i've decided i'm not ready for a relationship' or 'I dont think we are working out because of such and such' ,

women are taught that confrontation is not lady-like and most women (admittedly) avoid it at all costs. The fact is, the above statements could lead to confrontation. I.e., the guy is not just going to smile and say "whatever you say dear!" which can create feelings of fear and avoidance.

Lisa

Confrontation Class

cyberdyne systems 101

You are right men are just as capable of that, i know it can be hard to face up to something that affects someone elses happiness. I know I have been that way myself in the past, so not condemning anyone.

CS 101

whyamihere

50/50......Men do the same.

I think some people are not emotionally mature to express themselves. Or, they may not be able to find the right words to make it know how they feel, these are the smart types who think before they speak.

However, going off and getting defensive shows the lack of her (not they) maturity level in my opinion. When in any type of relationship, being honestly blunt and open shows and teaches those who tend to be a little shy about their thoughts and feelings that it's ok and easy to do(being open).

Brooke

Crumpet

I just came to see why Brooke was posting on a thread about "ladies"!

But what Brooke said is correct - and sometimes people may the wrong assumption that being vague and evasive is better than coming out with the honest statement that they are not interested just now. Its a bit cowardly and if you do feel like that you should say so. boys and girls!

Robdar

I used to explain to a guy why I no longer wanted to see him. But it usually wound up with the guy not listening to my reasons or making light of them, or telling me that I knew the reason I was giving wasn't true and what I really wanted was to see other guys. Then they would get all emotional and jealous over this nonexistant "other guy" that I was supposedly wanting to see. I finally decided that it just wasn't worth the drama.

Now, if I see that the relationship isn't working out, I believe in making a quick, concise, cut. I don't give reasons or explanations. No need in giving explanations anyway. When my mind is made up, it's made up. No amount of talking is going to change my decision and to engage in explanations is just a waste of time for both of us. Sorry if this seems cold but after experience, I can say that it's the best way.

bikerchic

I don't give reasons or explanations. No need in giving explanations anyway. When my mind is made up, it's made up. No amount of talking is going to change my decision and to engage in explanations is just a waste of time for both of us. Sorry if this seems cold but after experience, I can say that it's the best way.

You're a smart gal Robyn!

Dating is to find out if you are a match, if you aren't it's no ones fault, you just don't jive and there is no reason to place blame or make up a laundry list which just makes everyone feel bad about themselves. That person may not be right for you but perfect for someone else and vise versa, it's always best to leave with everyone's dignity intact and with as little hurt as possible.

hemp lover

"Now, if I see that the relationship isn't working out, I believe in making a quick, concise, cut. I don't give reasons or explanations. "

Hear, hear. And I find that nothing is quicker or more concise than just not answering the phone (because I don't want to talk about it). ;-)

jstalin

I think it's a communication thing. I am very communicative about my feelings with someone I'm dating, and I sometimes have to prod the other person for their views. I think it's important to talk through issues early before they become big problems. There's no point in stewing about something when you can just out and out talk about it.

A question about the ladies

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