Can you let go?

whyamihere

As I was sitting in a restaurant with my friend Briana(EX-JW), we started talking about how we see other EX-JW's inability to let go. I know many have suffered and endured horrific events or trials as JW's, which I assume it would be hard to let go. Though, do we really have the ability to let go lead a normal life with not thinking twice or having fear in our actions?

Those who have family still in, do you really care what they think of you? Or, do you secretly hide the apostate or ex-jw lifestyle from them? What for? I know many of us will say "Well I love my family, I want them in my life and that's why I am in the fade mode." Why should we want someone to be in lives if we have to live a lie? Also, we know if they ever really knew our thinking process they would cut us off in a heartbeat. So why we do continue? They lead the life they want to presue, why shouldn't we? Think of it, those who live with/or near current JW's know about their actions regarding the religion. These such ones can talk about the "Meetings" and "Service time" etc. Yet, thee EX JW in the household can't talk about "JWD" or "Aposta fests" etc... Why can't we tell them that we don't want to hear about the religious activities or talk about what they learned, as they do with us?

Can we really let go, and live our lives the way we want? Why do we keep fading?

Brooke

p.s. Wow, I can really post something that doesn't deal with Drinking or Pictures of me. How odd?!

blondie

And why can't we be active in educating JWs and and ex-JWs on WTS issues? I am a child sexual abuse survivor and of an alcoholic family. I can still go to the groups that deal with that without feeling that I am clinging to the situation in an unhealthy way. Nothing will ever erase my past of those experiences, nor that with the WTS. But I can get beyond the unhealthy aspect of it and have.

Blondie

PrimateDave

Well, I am in the process of letting go. I haven't been to a meeting for a month and won't go back. I don't feel obligated to say anything at all to the local congregation. I am trying to build up a network of friends outside 'the truth'. I guess that's the purpose of the fade. Try to make it work on the outside just in case one gets 'cut off'. I haven't fessed up to the family either, but they don't live near me, so my only contact with them is by phone of mail. It would have been much harder to fade if I still lived close to them. I am emotionally preparing myself to tell them eventually. I don't mean to go through all the anti-Witness explanation with them. I will just tell them that I love them and ask them to just let me be me. Everyone must find their own path.
Dave

whyamihere

And why can't we be active in educating JWs and and ex-JWs on WTS issues?

Exactly, we were once told "What, When, Where, How, and Who" all our lives. Why continue to do so once we are out?(makes wonder)

Brooke

undercover

I know many of us will say "Well I love my family, I want them in my life and that's why I am in the fade mode." Why should we want someone to be in lives if we have to live a lie? Also, we know if they ever really knew our thinking process they would cut us off in a heartbeat. So why we do continue? They lead the life they want to presue, why shouldn't we? Think of it, those who live with/or near current JW's know about their actions regarding the religion. These such ones can talk about the "Meetings" and "Service time" etc. Yet, thee EX JW in the household can't talk about "JWD" or "Aposta fests" etc... Why can't we tell them that we don't want to hear about the religious activities or talk about what they learned, as they do with us?

I've thought about that myself, especially since I'm a fader.

What I've come to learn as I have exited is that sometimes one has to comprimise certain things in order to have other things. It isn't always what we want, to have to comprimise, but it is what it is.

It would be easy to say "to hell with all ya'll" and move on, but I see most JWs as victims. Why should I treat them as the enemy when they are more a prisoner of the enemy than I am? I can't help them by allowing myself to be completely cut off from them. But I can lay low, play the fade, drop the hints, ask the questions and maybe help some see the light.

Unfortunately for most of us, we have more JW family than ex-JW family. If that's the case, they're going to exert more control on what religious talk takes place in the home. Now, if it were equal JW vs ex-JW, then maybe it would only be fair that if an ex-JW can't talk about JWD or the like, then the JWs can't talk about the meetings or service. Even then most JWs think they have some special pipeline to God so it gives them privileges not allowed to non-JWs and they can be obnoxious as hell about it...until they're outnumbered, then they scurry away like cockroaches when the lights come on.

Nowman

Its not that easy for some as we all know. Me for example, I never questioned anything before I left when I was 18, did not know what to question really. I just knew I was in a bad situation at home. I left mostly because of my parents and no one else in my family was a witness. Then I started to research that org and learned so much more about what I used to be apart of than when I was involved with the org. Yet, many have their entire families and friends in the org and will lose everyone if they choose to leave in an apostate way, they have to do what they have to do if that is what keeps them in association with those that have been around all their lives. So, it maybe hypocritical (maybe the wrong choice of words), but if that is how they choose to handle it and not be open about their true beliefs for the sake of losing everyone, then so be it. For me, I just did not care, and had plenty of others to support me with the whole shunning thing. Others don't. Thats why the whole shunning act is so terrible. People will just handle it in different ways.

JH

Wow, I can really post something that doesn't deal with Drinking or Pictures of me. How odd?!

Now now.......don't start that

Back to your topic............oh yeah.......I have a hard time letting go. I started fading back in 1991, and here we are in 2006 and I'm still officially a JW, never been Df'd, and I'm ok with that.

I call it stalemate

restrangled

I think we all learned to lead double lives, how to zone out at "beatings" (meetings), and still look interested, put in minimal time and effort, talk the talk and hide what we were really feeling.

I tolerated my mom's witnessing, haranging, guilt trips etc, in the name of peace for 30 years. In the end, it didn't pay. It's hard to let go of family..... not the JW crap.

r

whyamihere

On a side note, I am in no way judging anyone as to why they do what they do.

I understand as to why we fade and compromise( thank you undercover for that) as I do also with my Mother. Soon I won't be able to continue with the fade process with her.

We all lead different lives and we all cope differently. I just wanted to learn more about everyone.

Brooke

Jourles

I view it the same way as someone who may see children being verbally or maybe even physically abused in a daycare center. We all know that most children are not capable of fighting back against such abuses. If they do, they get kicked out of the center and then the parent(s) has/have to deal with placing them in another location. I see it as being similar to those who go to the kh's. Yes, even though most are adults, these same adults do not have the mental faculties bred into them to "fight" back. They know what will happen if they do.

If you were aware of abuses occurring in a daycare center, it would be your duty to report it to the authorities and to the parents. If you do not report it, you are just as guilty as the ones who are perpetrating it.

It's a slow process to get someone out. Most have to take mental baby steps before figuring out it is all just a ruse. It may only take weeks or months. For others, it may take several years. I feel it is my duty to help others get out and remain free of being mentally captive to the WTS. As I've made known plenty of times in the past, I feel that the blood doctrine is the single most damaging doctrine they have. It is the only one that kills. All others may seriously harm, but none can make the claim of death.

If I can save just one person from the grip of the WTS, I will feel much better about all of the time I wasted serving that organization.

Can you let go?

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