your a Jehovahs Witness ..............

outsider_looking_in

1. If your reaction to someone wearing a Cross is the same
as a vampire's, you might be a JW.

2. If you think demons can reduce their size to fit in jewelry,
furniture, books, or into blue smurfs you might be a JW.

3 If you equate the numbers 1 to 5 with hours on a time slip, you
might be a JW (just not a very good one)

4. If you feel that death is much more important than birth, you
might be a JW

5. If you think all R-rated movies are not worth seeing, you might
be a JW

6. If you think all men with beards and long hair are not acceptable,
you might be a JW

7. If you think that Circuit Overseers do not receive a salary,
you are a JW

8. If you think Circuit and District Overseers stay in cheap hotels
or the drafty homes of common nieghborhood folk during conventions,
your are a JW.

9. If you think Jesus hasn't accomplished much of anything for
the past 83 years, you aren't the only JW who does.

10. If you think JW's are not a cult, you are a pitiful JW

11. If you think the Wt is not capable of mind control, you are a JW

12. If you think field service is other than working in the corn fields,
you might be a JW.

13. If you think elders are other than elderly people, you might be a
JW.

14. If the newspaper headlines read "All humans on earth are smashed,
and destroyed on Christmas day. Only JW's survive!!" and this would
brings joy to your heart, you'd be a JW

15. If you have constant pain in your right shoulder and can't
unclasp your right hand, you probably have bookbagitis, a disease
unique to JWs

16. If you can't have a conversation with another human being without
hearing a voice in your head saying, "CONVERT HIM OR DIE!", you are
probablya a Dub.

17. If you are a male and sitting in a Kingdom Hall when a very good
looking young lady comes in in a mini skirt, and your first thought
is, "How immodest that sister is!" rather than,"Oh THANK GOD!!",
then most likely you're a jdub

18.If you eat a Turkey on Thanksgiving and feel guilty about it but
insist that it is only because they were "on sale", you are a Dub.

19.If you have costume parties for the "young ones" within a month of
Halloween, and, if you wrap presents in brown paper to give to each
other on "Family Gift Day", you are not only a Dub but a Worldly
Wannabe and aren't fooling anybody.

20.If you have awful dreams about getting caught holding someone else's
cigarette and no one will believe you that it's not yours, yer
probably Dub.

21.If you can't buy a pair of shoes without thinking about how
comfortable they will need to be while walking down residential
streets in 95 degree heat, then yer a Dub.

22.If you just bought a dress that comes down to your mid calf that has
puffy sleeves, a collar that buttons to your chin and lace trim, then
you are a Dub with a part on an Assembly. You might be even thinking
about wearing makeup for the occasion.

23.If you have a child that is 3 years old that sits quietly for hours
at a time while adults discuss mind numbingly boring topics around
him, and you brag about him to all your friends....you might as well
get a saddle for him and ride him because you broke his spirit and he
is no longer a child.And you might be a Jehovah's Witness.

24. If you allow an organization to take the place of Christ, you are
most likely a JW.

25. If you think of an ark as an orgaization, your must be a JW.

26. If you believe that God ignored everyone for nearly 2,000 years,
then suddenly gave His truth to a man who sat around drawing
pictures and plans of pyramids, you must be a Jdub....

26 Or that God gave His truth to a small group of men who keep having
trouble getting their days and years straight, you might be a JW.

27.If you can't pick up a book, or anything else to read, without
picking up something to underline with also, you might be a JW

28. If you insist on calling the NT, the Greek Scriptures, you might be
a JW

29. If you treat all people wearing crosses like they're idiots, you
might be a JW

30. I you have a tendency to justify lying, cheating and stealing if you
do it yourself, you might be a JW

31. If when you drive by a church building you suddenly feel all smug
and superior, you might be a JW

32. If when you drive by a Kingdom Hall you suddenly feel all warm and
fuzzy, you might be a JW or drunk, or both

33. If you feel you have a great wealth of Bible knowledge, you might be
a JW

34. If you're sure your neighbors are all conspiring against you, you
might be a JW

35. If you've spent days at a baseball stadium and never saw a ball and
didn't even have a beer, you might be a JW.

36. If you possess the ability to sing loudly and proudly even if you're
tone deaf, you might be a JW.

37. If the only verse you can quote from memory is Psalms 83:18, you
might be a JW

38. If you're afraid of someone seeing you with a beer in your hand,
you might be a JW.

39, If you're always afraid someone might see and hear you when
you're just finally being "normal", you might be a JW.

40. If most of the songs you sing have numbers for titles, you might be
a JW.

41. If the first names of most of your best friends are either-"brother"
or "sister", you might be a JW.

42. If you'll never watched Friends or Sienfeld, you might be a JW

43. If your church is a "hall" and a sermon is a "public talk", you
might be a JW.

44. If you wash cars or windows for a living but still own five suits,
you might be a JW.

45. If you've never worn comfortable clothes in your life, you might
have been a JW, from birth

46. If you can have a bible study without a bible, you might be a JW

47. If you're 25 years old and have never kissed anyone but your mom,
you might be a JW

48. If you go to New York for the weekend and spend the whole day in a
publishing factory in Brooklyn, you might be a JW

49. If the words "New Light" do not remind you of the hardware section
at K-mart, you might be a JW

50. If you think morning coffee break is a perfect time to preach to
someone, you may be a JW.

51.If you think that service to god can be measured in hours, you might
be a JW.

52.If you think men are superior to women, you may be a JW.

53.If you think sex is a yucky thing you must endure, you may be a
female JW.

54. If you think you're intitled to having sex regardless of what your
wife, thinks, says or how she feels, you might be a male JW.

55.If you think that a higher education is bad for you, you may be a JW.

54.If you think bringing magazines to your hospitalized "worldy"
neighbor is the most loving thing you could do ... you might be a JW.

55.If you think it's unfaithful to God to get an education or get a good
paying job you might be a JW.

56.If you check The WT Index everytime you have a question about
anything, you might be a JW.

57.If you find out your coworker's mother died, and your first thought
is not, "Oh, how awful," but, "This is a great opportunity to talk
about the Kingdom!" ....you might be a JW.

58.If you think a Buick is a spiritually superior automobile...you might
be a JW (Or you might be right):)

59.If the thought of entering a christian book store sends shivers
up and down your spine, you might be a JW

60. If you expect to receive Christmas presents but not to give them,
you might be a JW

61.If hearing the term "governing body" causes you to become awestruck,
you might be a JW

62.If you think the term pioneer refers to someone other than
Davy Crockett, you might be a JW

63.If you think of window washing as a career move you might be a JW.

64.If you think attending 5 meetings a week is a delightful spiritural
experience, you might be a JW

65. If you think Santa is another word for Satan and the elves are
demons, you might be a JW

67.If you feel weak in the knees when you hear the term "apostate", you
might be a JW

68.If you think your "mother" lives in New York City, you might be a JW

69. If you think all four door vehicles are "witness wagons", you
might be a JW

70. If you feel guilty for having natural desires, you might be a JW

71. If you think 1914 is the year to end all years, you might be a JW

72. If you think YOU conjectured the year 1975, you might be a JW

73. If your closet is full of cheap polyester suits, you might be a JW

74. If you never owned a Christmas tie, you might be a JW

75. If you think the sound of a door slaming shut is Christian
persecution, you might be a JW

78. If you think. Russell, Rutherford, and Franz are gods in heaven, you
might be a JW

79. If you have a tendency to refer to books by color instead of by
title...You might be a JW.

80.If you read all of these, and didn't allow yourself to laugh...
...you're definately a JW!;-)
81. If you hear "Along the Watchtower" by Jimi Hendrix or "Walk of Life"
by Dire Straits and you feel spiritually refreshed, you might be a JW

82. If you think the New World Translation is the least biased and most accurate
translation, you might be a JW
83 If you think it took 1,935 years to get 144,000 true Christians, you might be a JW

84. If you think 1799 is the start of the last days, 1874 is when Christ returned, and
1914 is the conclusion of
Armageddon, you might be a very old, disfellowshipped JW

85. If you think "The Finished Mystery" which was released in 1917 was "meat in due
season, you might be a JW who has
never read the book.

86. If you think the "Should You Believe in the Trinity" brochure is nothing but
honest and accurate information,
you might be a JW

87. If you think the destruction of Jerusalem occurring 607 BCE is soundly
supported by historical evidence,
you might be a JW

88. If you think "Jehovah" was in the original writings of the New Testament,
you might be a JW

89. If the Bible makes a statement and the Watchtower says "Logically, this
cannot mean what it says" and you
believe the Watchtower is correct, you might be a JW

90. If you view cleaning up a messy backyard as practice for working in
the New Order, you might be a JW

91. If gospel music makes you cringe, but secular music makes you feel good,
you might be a JW
92. If you believe there was a Governing Body before 1971, you might be a JW

93. If you watch "Oprah" and you see the people who pass the microphones
and it reminds you of a meeting,
you might be a JW

94. If you believe that New Light that becomes Old Light and then becomes
New Light again is God's way of
doing things, you might be a JW

95. If you think the Watchtower was preaching the truth in the years 1914-1919,
you are definitely a JW

96. If you go to "Home Depot" and go down the aisle where the doors for homes
are displayed and you feel the urge
to knock on them, you might be a JW

97. If the "ding-dong" sound on the Avon commercials gets you excited,
you might be a JW

98. If going to 7-11 is something to look forward to, you might be a JW in field service

99. If you have no construction skills and you still go to all the nearby quick-build
Kingdom Hall projects, you might be
a JW trying to get out of field service

100. If the WT Society used to preach a certain teaching years ago and you deny
they ever did, you are a good JW

Farkel

Great fun!

Thanks for that!

Farkel

"When in doubt, duck!"

Billygoat

My favorite?

96. If you go to "Home Depot" and go down the aisle where the doors for homes are displayed and you feel the urge to knock on them, you might be a JW."

BWAHAHAHA! Thank you so much for these - what an awesome feeling to laugh after all the heartache this last couple of days.

Andi

Tierce

Garf, that's fuckin sick. I guess I haven't been out long enough. Thanks, barf.

I will say I got a chuckle out of, "27. If you can't pick up a book, or anything else to read, without picking up something to underline with also, you might be a JW." I've kept that habit of underlining cool passages in all the books I read, which first spilled over into my scifi reading back when I was in it. It's still an easy way for me to keep an idea of where certain passages are.

I'm glad I found some other ex's. God, it's a fucking relief. It took this WTC event to make me wonder what the Fucknesses are exploiting about it, and lo!, here is a board for all ex-lifers. Nice to meet you all. Hell, and well met.

LittleToe

ROFL
ROFL
ROFL

Thanks, Outsider.
After the grief, of the last few days, this was a welcome aside.

LittleToe.

Frank Hall

If you find this crap funny and even close to the truth, you are an idiot
and a close associate to the terrorists, i.e an apostate.

funkyderek

If you find this crap funny and even close to the truth, you are an idiot
and a close associate to the terrorists, i.e an apostate.

Frank Hall, fuck you. That's way out of line and horribly inappropriate. Grow up.

--
Those who can induce you to believe absurdities can induce you to commit attrocities - Voltaire

AMOS

Hey Fred, when associating the terrorists to apostates, are you referring to the Muslims? ....although they have been around a lot longer than the JWs, very similar in belief systems when you study it.

outnfree

FrankHall,
Please go away. Please? Why stay here and be so negative and hateful? There must be a discussion board somewhere where you can participate and feel a camaraderie with the other posters, no?

Thanks, outsider! That WAS fun and I forwarded it to two of my friends. I sorely needed a laugh this morning and it was a relief to read your post!

Careful, Amos. Frank Hall is not FREDHALL (I don't think).

outnfree

Par dessus toutes choses, soyez bons. La bonte est ce qui ressemble le plus a Dieu et ce qui desarme le plus les hommes -- Lacordaire

Tatiana

http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/forum/thread.asp?id=11430&site=3

I added one to it myself. # 100.

http://www.serve.com/larryi/mightbe.html

It came from an xjw site where people added to it.

April

"Love never dies." Voivodul Vlad Draculea (from Bram Stoker's Dracula-1992)

your a Jehovahs Witness ..............

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