(LONG but please read, I need some advice..thanks)
Let me start off by telling you a little bit about me. I'm 21 years old, My family(all except an uncle who was disfellowshiped) is dedicated to beliefs of the Jehovah Witness', or the 'truth'. I really liked life in the truth, people were all friendly it was like one big family. When I was in 7th grade we stopped going to public school and we moved south to a completely different state. My family was big, we had 7 girls and 2 boys. I was the oldest though. When we got down here it was unchartered territory and we originaly vacationed here to help build the Hall in the town.
I liked it down south, but the cong was different. When I was 16-17. The pressure to get married was almost smothering. I dont want to brag, but I had guys and guys parents asking me to marry them/their son all the time. I dont think it was cause I was THAT pretty but because I was one of the few JW girls of age. I date a few of the JW boys, and because my dad is trying to become elder. I was semi-pressured into dating the son an elder down here. When I say semi-pressured, I mean the family would take visits to their house everyday. My mom would go to talk to his mom, and I was forced to go. I didn't like him, at all. He was cocky, thought he was the coolest, hottest guy in the world. He was also 2 years older than me. This relationship went on and off for almost 2 years. Right after I turned 19, I moved out of my parents house to my grandma's where It wasn't forced on me. So I stopped seeing him, and no-nothing immoral happened. He did try to feel me up though, and I stopped talking to him completely.
When I was around this age I also got my first job at a chain restaruant. I got a car and I went out on dates with some out of town JW's or wiht the few JW's that I thought were cute and some wordly boys. But nothing ever went past a few dates or a kiss.
Until one day this new guy started working at my job. He had been working for a couple days, all the other girls were talking about him. When I saw him, I knew why. He wasn't like any JW boy I had EVER meet, he looked like someone out of a magazine. He was completely and totally gorgous. I didn't really have the nerve to talk to him for a the first few weeks, I'm a real chatty person so I tried. Until one night we started talking and I gave him my phone number and asked him out. Wrong I know but when I started talking to him, he was so completely different in the personality aspect as well. He didn't sound cocky, he was funny and easy to talk to. But he also seemed like he had some sense of control, Like he knew what he wanted but he didn't have to say anything to tell you. He just seemed cool and collected, its hard to explain but if you've ever been around someone like that you know what I'm talking about.
We meet up that night, we were suppose to just hang out with a bunch of friends. But he got there early and we blew them off and went to his house to watch a movie. He dropped me off at my car and he gave me our first kiss(one the first date?!?!whoa I know!). Which completely blew my mind.
I was up-front with him. I told him I was a baptised JW, and that it would be hard. He never really said much about it. Because it never really got in the way of us just going out and having fun. He was just such a fun person. His background was completely different than the grounded one I came from. His parents were divorced but wealthy. His dad was in the bar/grille business, but was physically abusive to him and his mom when he was younger, he grew up alot quicker than I did.
Our dating relationship progressed into a serious one. I told him I loved him after 2 months(no sex). Because truthfully I did. He made me feel amazing, and he was just an amazing person. I told my family that I loved him, they shunned it and played it off as nothing keeping it just between us. He never really understood that my parents didn't like him. I never told him they didn't because I was kind of embarassed..He was really open to them, he even came to the hall and had an open mind about everything.
At 6 months I had sex with him, and lost my virginity. A month later I moved out into his place. I had to stop going to meetings, it was so hard.. I dont even know how to explain. My parents disowned me, my friends didn't talk to me it was just hard. I felt so bad about it, but as the days went on I started to enjoy life differently. Their set of rules didn't make me feel guilty. Sex was always forbidden, but it was just such an amazing thing to share with someone you love. I dont know how it could be shunned.
My mom started making up lies about me at the Hall. I lived with him for a year strait after that. We had our fights and stuff. But I still love him, and am completely in love with him. We got into a big fight...and I went to my moms. She kind of rushed me to the elders and made me get reapproved. It wasn't her so much as I got back into that mind-set that what I was doing was wrong. I loved this guy so much, but I felt bad for doing it and it was hard to explain why.
The elders told me they couldn't believe a girl like me, who could date any JW she wanted would stoop so low as to date someone like him and how my family and the cong were dissapointed. I also moved back home(14 hours away). They told me that the only condition was that I couldn't talk to him.
It lasted for about a week after I got up there. My mom called me more now and told me she could understand how I could love him, that he was handsome, tall and he was unique she was trying to relate to me. But that the best thing for me to do was date a boring guy and do Jehovah's will. This made me start thinking about how much I loved being with him and how much of a boring guy he WASN'T...I started calling again..
It's been 3 months since I've seen him. I dont even leave my house...I dont even know what to do. If the 'truth' is the 'truth' then why did Jehovah make me fall in love with this guy? and why did he make him such a great person to be with?...It just doesn't seem right. He never did anything wrong, He never called them names or treated them rudely like they did him.
He told me he is going to wait on me, and I would do anything to be home...But I dont want to lose my family...It feels so weird, wanting something so bad but not wanting to dissapoint everyone..I still love him so much. At this rate...I'm going to get on a bus if something doesn't change.